Introduction: A Holiday You Don’t Want Off Work
Ah, All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos. A film so forgettable that even its title needs a colon and a subtitle to remind you it exists. Released in 2005, it came to the world via Slamdance, where indie filmmakers go to test whether their movies are “festival-worthy” or should be left in a Blockbuster bargain bin. Spoiler alert: this one belongs squarely in the bin—preferably under a broken copy of House of the Dead.
Directed by Jeremy Kasten and written by Mark A. Altman (whose résumé reads like a suicide note for genre fans), this zombie flick combines Aztec mythology, bad CGI, and dialogue that could have been generated by a malfunctioning Ouija board. On paper, it’s a horror film with cultural roots. On screen, it’s Taco Bell Diablo Sauce poured over wet cardboard.
The Plot (Such As It Is)
Once upon a time—because all bad horror films start like fairy tales gone wrong—greedy landowner Vargas Diaz (Danny Trejo, cashing a paycheck faster than he draws a machete) discovers an Aztec temple inside a mine. Instead of, you know, calling UNESCO, he decides to blow up the entrance with all the townsfolk still inside, turning them into eternal spirit-zombies. In return, he gets eternal life. Which sounds cool until you realize “eternal life” apparently means being stuck in the same dusty Mexican town forever, waiting for clueless college kids to wander by.
Flash-forward: a couple of bland white kids named Joss and Alicia stumble into this ghost town, because horror movies mandate that vacationers must have the survival instincts of boiled cabbage. They interrupt a funeral procession, which is apparently also a zombie delivery service, and before you can say ¡Ay, caramba!, the dead start clawing out of the ground demanding their annual human sacrifice.
Naturally, the couple calls their friends—because if you’re being attacked by undead Aztec miners, what you really need is two more idiots to make the body count worthwhile. Together, the four spend the rest of the movie holed up in a hotel while zombies slowly shuffle in, giving them ample time to argue, pout, and discover that even the undead have better timing than this screenplay.
Zombies by Way of Day Labor
Let’s talk about the zombies. In Romero’s hands, zombies were terrifying metaphors for consumerism. In Snyder’s hands, they were Olympic sprinters on crack. In All Souls Day, they look like the make-up crew rubbed dirt on some extras, yelled “stare blankly,” and promised them free tacos.
They lurch, they moan, and they attack people at the dramatic convenience of the script. Sometimes they’re unstoppable killing machines. Other times, they stand around long enough for our heroes to deliver exposition. If you’ve ever wanted zombies that double as conversation partners, this is your movie.
The Cast: Paychecks, Pouty Faces, and the Patron Saint of Bad Horror
The film features a grab bag of genre names—like Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator) and Danny Trejo (every straight-to-DVD action movie since 1995). Sadly, they’re both wasted. Combs looks like he wandered onto set thinking this was CSI: Guadalajara, while Trejo spends most of his time glowering and wishing he was in literally any other movie.
The young leads—Marisa Ramirez, Travis Wester, Nichole Hiltz, and Laz Alonso—do their best with material that gives them less depth than a puddle in the desert. Their dialogue ranges from, “We need to get out of here!” to “What’s happening?” which is basically the same line, repeated with different levels of fake panic.
The Pacing: The Real Walking Dead
At 90 minutes, All Souls Day feels like a double shift at a DMV. Scenes drag on forever, zombies appear and disappear without reason, and every attempt at suspense is drowned by characters making decisions so dumb you want to reach through the screen and throttle them.
There’s a sequence where the group hides in a hotel room for what feels like three hours, debating whether to fight or flee. Meanwhile, I debated whether to turn off the movie and flee to my liquor cabinet. Spoiler: I lost both debates.
Attempts at Mythology: Aztec, SchmAztec
The premise—zombies tied to Aztec rituals and the Day of the Dead—could have been fresh and creepy. Instead, it’s reduced to a few lines about “appeasing the dead” and a couple of cheap altar props from Party City’s Día de los Muertos aisle. The film promises supernatural lore and cultural richness but delivers a Wikipedia footnote with fake blood.
If you’re expecting thoughtful commentary on Mexican traditions, forget it. This is a movie where ancient Aztec vengeance manifests not through eerie rituals but by chasing white kids around a hotel lobby. Cultural appropriation has rarely been this lazy.
The Gore: SyFy-Grade Splatter
Because this premiered on the Sci Fi Channel (back before they rebranded as SyFy and leaned fully into sharknados), the gore is hilariously tame. Zombies kill people, but mostly off-screen. When we do see blood, it looks like watered-down ketchup squirted from a bottle that’s about to expire.
The uncut DVD adds a bit more splatter, but even then, it’s the cinematic equivalent of a middle schooler doodling gore in their math notebook.
Highlights (Because There Must Be Some)
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Danny Trejo’s mustache: Honestly scarier than most of the zombies.
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Jeffrey Combs phoning it in: Watching him look visibly annoyed to be in this film is almost worth the rental fee.
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The concept: Buried beneath the muck of bad writing and worse acting, there is a cool idea here—Aztec rituals fueling zombie mayhem. Unfortunately, it’s buried as deeply as those townsfolk in the opening scene.
The Ending: Who Cares?
By the climax, the survivors are reduced to running, screaming, and trying not to get eaten. Characters die with all the dramatic impact of unplugging a toaster. The movie doesn’t end so much as collapse into the credits, like it got tired of itself. Which, frankly, same.
Final Thoughts: Dead on Arrival
All Souls Day is the cinematic equivalent of reheated leftovers—technically food, but you’ll regret it after the first bite. It’s dull, cheap, and wastes its cast like an open bar at a Mormon wedding.
If you want zombies, there are a thousand better options. If you want Aztec horror, there are actual legends scarier than this. And if you want Danny Trejo fighting the undead? Good news—he’s in at least three other movies where he does it better.
