The Marked Ones — and So Were We
If you’ve ever thought, “Gee, I wish the Paranormal Activity franchise had less tension, less scares, and more teenagers recording their own stupidity,” then congratulations — The Marked Ones is the cursed VHS tape you’ve been waiting for.
Directed by Christopher Landon (whose other crime against cinema was Burning Palms), this 2014 spin-off is the fifth Paranormal Activity movie, and the first one that feels like a fan film accidentally funded by Paramount Pictures. It’s supposed to expand the series’ mythology. Instead, it expands your disbelief that anyone greenlit it.
The film grossed $90 million worldwide — proof that humanity’s true horror isn’t demons or witches, but our collective refusal to learn from our mistakes.
The Setup: Paranormal Activity Goes to the Barrio
We open in Oxnard, California, where 18-year-old Jesse (Andrew Jacobs) lives in an apartment complex so normal that watching paint dry there would be considered a thriller. Jesse has just graduated high school, and to celebrate, he and his best friend Hector (Jorge Diaz) decide to pointlessly film everything they do.
This, of course, is the Paranormal Activity formula: shaky cam, dumb decisions, and a plot that unfolds at the pace of a haunted snail. But this time, we’re told, things are different. This one’s Latino. Which apparently means the scares now come with salsa music and a grandmother who swears in Spanish at the devil.
The boys soon suspect their downstairs neighbor, Ana, of witchcraft — mostly because she’s old, mysterious, and doesn’t own a ring light. When she turns up dead, Jesse and Hector break into her apartment and find candles, creepy photos, and an entire room that screams, “This is why you mind your own business.”
They also find a magic book, which they immediately use to perform rituals because — say it with me — they are idiots.
The “Scares”: The Simon Says of Satan
Soon, strange things start happening. Jesse wakes up with a mysterious bite mark, starts hearing noises, and gains telekinetic powers that make him float like a possessed balloon. It’s like Chronicle meets The Blair Witch Project, if both were filmed by a guy who just discovered the zoom button.
At one point, the trio uses a Simon game — yes, the children’s toy — to communicate with a demonic entity. The demon obliges, because apparently Hell has nothing better to do than light up a Hasbro memory game.
This is the level of creativity we’re working with: the forces of evil, now available in toy aisle five.
The Characters: Idiots with Cameras
Let’s talk about our heroes.
Jesse is the kind of protagonist who sees glowing symbols on his skin and says, “Cool, bro!” Hector, his best friend, is the cameraman — meaning we see most of the movie through his perspective, or rather, through his violently trembling hands. If the camera had a personality, it would be seasick and begging for a transfer to another film.
Marisol (Gabrielle Walsh) is the token voice of reason, which in this universe means she occasionally says, “Maybe don’t summon Satan.” Naturally, no one listens.
There’s also Jesse’s grandmother, who brings a touch of comic relief by battling evil spirits the only way a Mexican abuela knows how: with prayer, yelling, and maybe a slipper. She’s the only character who feels real — which, given the rest of the cast, is both comforting and depressing.
The Mythology: Expanding the Franchise One Confusing Plot Hole at a Time
At some point, the film remembers it’s supposed to connect to the Paranormal Activity universe. So it introduces The Midwives, a global coven of witches who are apparently raising an army of possessed young men. Because when you think of unstoppable demonic forces, you think of… Oxnard high schoolers.
Jesse learns he’s been “marked” by the witches, which is cinematic code for “we needed a title.” Things escalate: Jesse becomes violent, pushes his grandma down the stairs (the movie’s one genuinely shocking moment, because how dare he), and then gets kidnapped by the coven.
Hector and Marisol follow clues that lead them to a house full of witches, guns, and chaos. Then — in a twist so dumb it loops back around to impressive — Hector goes through a glowing door and travels back in time to the ending of the first Paranormal Activity.
Yes. This movie ends by crashing into another, better movie, as if hoping to absorb some of its talent through osmosis.
The Ending: Déjà Boo
The finale is a time-travel crossover that tries to tie the entire franchise together and instead creates a knot so tangled it could strangle logic itself.
Hector appears in Katie and Micah’s kitchen — the couple from the original film — and witnesses the famous final scene where Katie kills Micah. It’s a clever idea on paper, but onscreen, it feels like watching two incompatible video files forcibly merged in iMovie.
Then the camera falls, the witch picks it up, and the movie ends. Again. For the fifth time.
By this point, you’re not scared — you’re just impressed that your brain hasn’t crawled out of your skull in protest.
The Acting: Found Footage, Lost Talent
The performances range from “community theater” to “Instagram story.” Andrew Jacobs spends most of the movie mumbling “Dude” while Jorge Diaz shouts “Bro” like a human airhorn. Their chemistry is believable, but mostly because you suspect the actors weren’t aware they were filming a horror movie.
Gabrielle Walsh delivers her lines as though she’s reading them from cue cards held just off camera. Meanwhile, Renée Victor (as Jesse’s abuela) steals every scene she’s in — which isn’t hard when everyone else acts like they’re auditioning for a TikTok skit.
The Camerawork: Who Needs Tripods When You Have Nausea?
The found footage gimmick was already wearing thin by 2014, but The Marked Ones drives it into the ground, buries it, and then films the grave for two hours.
Every shot shakes like it was filmed during an earthquake. The night vision scenes look like someone dropped the camera in a puddle. And when the action picks up, you can’t tell if the characters are running from demons or simply running out of battery.
This isn’t tension; it’s vertigo.
The “Scary” Moments: Boo! …Bored Yet?
There are jump scares, sure — but they’re less “startling” and more “startlingly lazy.” A door slams! A shadow moves! A pigeon flies at the camera! Oh no, the true horror is how little you care!
The film mistakes loud noises for fear, confusing volume with terror like a teenager discovering dubstep. And when things finally get violent, it’s all offscreen — the camera conveniently dropping right before anything interesting happens.
You know what’s truly paranormal? How this franchise keeps making money.
Final Verdict: The Curse of Diminishing Returns
⭐☆☆☆☆ — One glowing Simon button out of five.
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones isn’t a movie. It’s a cinematic scavenger hunt for plot, scares, and dignity. It promises a fresh direction but delivers recycled clichés and shaky footage of people yelling “Dude!” while invisible forces rearrange furniture.
It’s the cinematic equivalent of microwaving leftovers from a meal you didn’t like the first time. The only truly supernatural element here is the franchise’s ability to keep resurrecting itself.
So if you want to experience true horror, skip the movie and stare at your bank statement after realizing you paid money to see it. That’s the real Paranormal Activity.
