Gold Rush Meets Hairy Trash
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if The Revenant, Crocodile Dundee, and Harry and the Hendersons were all tossed into a blender powered by a car battery, the answer is Throwback — a film so proudly low-budget it makes Sharknado look like Lawrence of Arabia.
Directed by Travis Bain, Throwback is an Australian indie horror movie about two treasure hunters who discover a stash of outlaw gold, betray each other, and then get mauled by a yowie — which, for the uninitiated, is Australia’s Bigfoot. Yes, this is a movie where the main villain is a sweaty man in a gorilla suit, filmed entirely in daylight for maximum exposure of the costume seams.
It’s as if the production decided, “You know what’s scarier than the unknown? An 8-foot guy who looks like he bought his fur at a Halloween clearance sale.”
The Opening: Gold Fever, Bush Edition
The film opens in 1825, where a Chinese prospector strikes gold and is immediately robbed by another man. That man is promptly robbed by a bushranger named Thunderclap Newman, who in turn is robbed of his life by an offscreen monster. If you think that sounds exciting, don’t worry — the excitement stops right there and never returns.
The sequence promises an epic creature feature, but by the time the title card hits, the pacing has already achieved “sloth documentary” levels of lethargy. The editing moves slower than the British penal system that colonized the country.
The Present Day: Dumb and Dumber Go Bush
Fast forward to modern-day Australia, where two exterminators, Jack (Shawn Brack) and Kent (Anthony Ring), decide to become treasure hunters. You know they’re exterminators because they wear matching khaki shirts, which in this movie’s universe apparently qualifies them as survival experts.
They canoe down a river to find gold hidden by Thunderclap Newman. It’s not clear how they know this, but since the script can’t afford logic, we move on. After a few minutes of exposition and shots of trees, they find the gold — a development that should end the movie but instead kicks off 70 minutes of manly bickering, gun-pointing, and monster growling that sounds suspiciously like someone clearing their throat through a didgeridoo.
Kent, the greedier of the two, immediately tries to kill Jack. He fails because, apparently, treachery is harder when your scene partner can’t stop blinking directly into the camera.
The Yowie: When Sasquatch Goes Outback
Then comes the real star of the movie: the yowie. Unfortunately, this creature looks like it escaped from a children’s zoo exhibit. The first time we see it, it’s framed in a wide daylight shot, which is brave for a film whose costume budget seems to have been $45 and a dream.
To describe it charitably, the yowie looks like a cross between Chewbacca’s unemployed cousin and a guy who fell into a dumpster full of wigs. It doesn’t roar so much as burp aggressively. When it attacks, the editing cuts so fast you’d think the cameraman was trying to fend it off with the tripod.
The creature’s biggest scare comes not from its violence but from how long the camera lingers on it. You can actually see the zipper.
The Supporting Cast: The Ranger, the Cop, and the Confusion
Enter Rhiannon (Melanie Serafin), a park ranger who joins Jack after spotting smoke from their campfire — because apparently, in this universe, no one has ever heard of calling for backup. Rhiannon’s job is to provide moral support and occasional exposition like “That’s a big footprint,” which, coincidentally, is also what the scriptwriter said after finishing his first draft.
Then there’s Detective McNab, played by Vernon Wells — yes, Bennett from Commando and Wez from The Road Warrior. Wells brings gravitas, which in this case means looking perpetually annoyed that he agreed to be in this movie. He wanders around in a ghillie suit, claiming to investigate disappearances, but mostly looks like a man who lost his dignity somewhere between takes.
When McNab finally confronts the yowie, the beast rips him apart in a flurry of jump cuts and ketchup. It’s a moment that should be thrilling but instead looks like someone trying to assemble an Ikea desk while being chased by a lawnmower.
The Script: A Treasure Map to Nowhere
The screenplay plays out like a Choose Your Own Adventure book written by a GPS system that lost signal. Characters constantly wander into new scenes without motivation, the dialogue is flatter than roadkill, and every emotional beat lands like a dead platypus.
Jack and Kent’s dynamic — greed versus morality — could’ve been interesting if it weren’t handled with all the subtlety of a Vegemite sandwich to the face. Kent’s turn from business partner to psychotic murderer happens so fast it’s as if the movie forgot he was supposed to have an arc.
And the dialogue? Imagine Crocodile Dundee fanfiction written by Siri. Gems include:
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“There’s something out there, mate!”
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“It’s just a kangaroo!”
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“That’s no kangaroo!”
Shakespeare wept.
The Cinematography: A Postcard from Nowhere
To its credit, Throwback does make the Australian wilderness look hauntingly beautiful — mostly because it’s the only thing in frame that isn’t overacting. The sweeping drone shots of forests and rivers are legitimately gorgeous, which makes the contrast with the budget creature effects all the more tragic.
Every time you start appreciating the scenery, the film reminds you that you’re watching a movie where people say “yowie” unironically.
The Pacing: A Marathon of Mediocrity
Clocking in at nearly two hours, Throwback is roughly one hour too long. The middle stretch — where the yowie roars occasionally and the humans shout each other’s names — drags so badly you begin to suspect the film itself has jet lag.
By the time Jack finally blows up the yowie with dynamite (yes, dynamite), you’re not cheering for the characters — you’re cheering for the credits.
Even the explosion looks tired, as if the special effects artist muttered, “Good enough,” and went home for a Foster’s.
The Tone: Nature Calls, and It’s a Wrong Number
Throwback desperately wants to channel old-school monster movies like Creature from the Black Lagoon or Razorback, but it forgets that those movies were, well, fun. This film takes itself deathly seriously. There’s no camp, no self-awareness — just a bunch of sweaty men whispering about gold while a Wookiee-on-a-budget lurks in the bushes.
It’s the cinematic equivalent of being told a ghost story by someone who keeps checking their phone mid-sentence.
The Ending: Boom, You’re Done
After countless treks through the bush and several rounds of “Mate, what’s that noise?”, Jack finally decides to face the yowie using the ancient Australian method of monster extermination: explosives. He throws a stick of dynamite, blows the creature to bits, and walks off into the sunset with the girl.
It’s meant to be triumphant. It feels like mercy.
Final Verdict
★☆☆☆☆ — One Vegemite-smeared footprint out of five.
Throwback is a film that promises gold but delivers gravel. It’s a monster movie without menace, a treasure hunt without treasure, and a horror story that’s mostly horrifying for its pacing.
The acting is wooden, the dialogue sounds like it was written during a power outage, and the creature effects look like they were borrowed from a high school drama department.
If you’re in the mood for a movie about greed, betrayal, and a guy in a monkey suit filmed from 300 meters away, congratulations — this is your masterpiece. For everyone else, it’s proof that sometimes what’s buried in the outback should just stay there.
At least the yowie had the decency to die quickly. If only the movie had done the same.
