The Horror of the High School Reunion
Ah, the high school reunion — that awkward social experiment where people pretend to have outgrown their insecurities while secretly comparing paychecks, waistlines, and hairlines. It’s already a horror story waiting to happen. But Most Likely to Die takes that relatable dread and somehow manages to make it worse — not by adding scares, but by removing logic, tension, and the will to live.
Directed by Anthony DiBlasi, this 2015 slasher flick promises a throwback to classic whodunit slashers like I Know What You Did Last Summer and Scream. Instead, it delivers something closer to I Know What You Did, But I Don’t Care, and Neither Should You.
This is a film where the killer wears a graduation cap, a gown, and a papier-mâché mask — looking less like a terrifying murderer and more like a confused drama student who wandered offstage.
Plot: Dead on Arrival
We open with Ashley, who drives up to her boyfriend’s fancy house in the hills, only to discover spooky messages and a killer who can apparently teleport. She dies quickly, mercifully escaping the rest of the movie. Unfortunately, we’re not so lucky.
Soon, we’re introduced to our main group of reunion-bound clichés: Gaby (Heather Morris), her ex-boyfriend Brad (Ryan Doom), his new girlfriend Bella (Tatum Miranda), the obligatory “comic relief” Freddie (Perez Hilton, whose performance makes you nostalgic for dial-up internet), the tough girl Jade, the athlete Lamont, and a few other human-shaped plot devices.
They gather to plan their ten-year reunion, which is apparently taking place at Ray’s remote, desert mansion — because nothing says nostalgia and good times like an isolated murder house with no cell reception.
As they drink, play poker, and trade high school gossip, we learn they once played a cruel prank on a nerd named John Dougherty, labeling him “Most Likely to Die” in their yearbook. John, being both humiliated and armed, was caught with a gun at school and sent to juvie. Fast-forward ten years, and guess what? People start dying in ways that match their “Most Likely To…” superlatives.
Simone, “Most Likely to Get What She Wants,” gets drowned in a hot tub. Lamont, “Most Likely to Eat Anything,” gets a hockey stick shoved down his throat (which, to be fair, is creative). Jade, “Most Likely to Break Hearts,” gets tricked into being shot by her best friend. The puns write themselves — and they’re all terrible.
By the time the killer reveal comes, you’ll either be asleep or begging for the sweet release of death yourself.
The Big Twist: Predictable, Yet Somehow Still Dumb
In the grand tradition of Scooby-Doo villains, the masked murderer turns out to be… DJ, the guy you forgot was in the movie. His motive? Vengeance for John Dougherty, the class loser they tormented. Apparently, DJ was manipulated into framing John back in high school, and when he tried to make amends, John killed himself. So naturally, DJ’s solution is to slaughter everyone with a yearbook gimmick.
That’s right — this entire bloodbath happens because someone couldn’t process guilt in therapy like a normal person.
DJ’s big villain monologue includes phrases like “I was the real graduate all along,” which sounds deep until you realize it’s just nonsense. His plan to frame Ray, the alcoholic ex-athlete, also collapses faster than the movie’s budget during reshoots.
And because this movie refuses to end, the final scene reveals someone else — possibly John Dougherty’s ghost or cousin or tax accountant — picking up the mask, hinting at a sequel that mercifully never happened.
Performances: Most Likely to Regret Signing the Contract
Heather Morris (of Glee fame) plays Gaby, our Final Girl in name only. She screams, she frowns, she occasionally remembers she’s in a horror film. Her emotional range runs the gamut from “slightly irritated” to “mildly constipated.”
Perez Hilton as Freddie is an experiment gone wrong — a social media personality dropped into a slasher movie with zero acting training and even less comedic timing. Every line feels like he’s reading it off an autocue while deciding whether he left the oven on.
Jake Busey (yes, Gary Busey’s offspring) plays the creepy housekeeper Tarkin, who is killed early on — easily the movie’s best decision. His entire contribution consists of peeping on women, getting strangled, and reminding you that the Busey acting gene is still alive, if not entirely well.
The rest of the cast range from wooden to petrified. You could replace them all with wax figures from Madame Tussauds and get more nuanced performances — plus better lighting.
The Killer’s Look: Graduation Day Meets Kindergarten Art
The Graduate’s costume — a cap, gown, and paper mask — might be the least threatening attire in slasher history. Freddy Krueger has a clawed glove. Ghostface has the iconic scream mask. The Graduate looks like he’s late to deliver a valedictorian speech.
The mask itself resembles a papier-mâché nightmare of papier-mâché itself, like something a sleep-deprived art student made after inhaling too much glue. It’s not scary. It’s not stylish. It’s just sad.
And let’s not even start on the weapon choices — a hockey stick, some lights, and a utility blade. It’s less “creative killer” and more “Home Depot clearance sale.”
The Direction: Most Likely to Confuse Viewers
Anthony DiBlasi (Dread, Last Shift) has proven he can create atmosphere and tension — just not here. The direction feels like a group project gone wrong. The editing is choppy, the lighting inconsistent, and the pacing slower than a dial-up modem trying to stream a jump scare.
Scenes drag endlessly, dialogue overlaps awkwardly, and every “tense” moment is undercut by clumsy camera work. The kills, which should be the lifeblood of any slasher, are either poorly framed or completely bloodless.
Even the sound design seems haunted — not by ghosts, but by bad mixing. Screams echo in the wrong direction, knives make “whoosh” sounds like someone’s swatting flies, and the score sounds like rejected Halloween store background music.
The Writing: Detention-Worthy
The screenplay feels like it was written by a group of high school students who watched Scream once and took all the wrong lessons. It’s full of painfully on-the-nose dialogue, like:
“We can’t let the past come back to kill us!”
and
“Maybe we were the real monsters.”
That’s not clever — that’s a Tumblr post written in fake blood font.
Worse, the movie constantly tries to be self-aware but doesn’t have the wit to pull it off. It references slasher clichés while drowning in them — the isolated house, the no-signal phones, the “let’s split up” logic, and of course, the virginal survivor.
You can almost hear the writer whisper, “See? We’re being ironic!” right before another character gets strangled with Christmas lights.
The Horror: Most Likely to Induce Yawns
If you came for gore, suspense, or even mild discomfort — sorry. The scares here have all the impact of a wet confetti cannon. Every kill is either off-screen, poorly edited, or ruined by an awkward one-liner.
There’s no tension because the movie gives you no one to care about. By the halfway mark, you’re rooting for the killer just to speed things along.
And despite being set at a “ten-year reunion,” the movie has all the nostalgia of a root canal. Not a single moment taps into the awkward charm or melancholy that such a setting could offer. It’s just a bunch of people in a house being slowly, predictably picked off — both literally and metaphorically.
Final Grade: F for “Forgettable”
Most Likely to Die is a slasher film that forgets to slay. It’s not scary, not funny, not even stylishly bad. It’s just… there — a ghost of better horror movies past.
It tries to be clever and meta, but it ends up feeling like an overlong episode of Scooby-Doo directed by someone who’s never met a functioning adult. Even the killer’s catchphrase, “Most likely to die,” sounds like something rejected from a bad prom theme.
If this were a real yearbook, Most Likely to Die would be voted:
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Most Likely to Be Forgotten by Next Semester
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Most Likely to Waste Popcorn
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Most Likely to Make You Check Your Phone Mid-Kill Scene
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)
Class dismissed. The Graduate fails again.
