The Basement, a film that feels like a three-hour punishment session from the depths of a Craigslist horror ad, introduces us to a deranged serial killer, Bill Anderson (or as I like to call him, “The Gemini”), who tortures his victims in his basement. It’s a film that tries so hard to be edgy and disturbing that it ends up being the cinematic equivalent of someone repeatedly slapping you in the face with an IKEA catalog—confusing, uncomfortable, and ultimately, an exercise in regret.
Directed by Brian M. Conley and Nathan Ives, The Basement is a wild ride into horror, if by “wild ride,” you mean a never-ending loop of cringe, confusion, and questionable life choices. Featuring Mischa Barton in a role that makes you wonder how far an actor will go for a paycheck, the movie has all the charm of a haunted house at 3 a.m.—and not the good kind.
Plot: A Basement, a Serial Killer, and Way Too Many Characters
The plot of The Basement is best summed up in one sentence: a serial killer tortures a man in his basement, while a bunch of uninteresting side characters slowly make terrible decisions. If that sounds like the kind of setup that could lead to a gripping thriller, I’ve got a basement full of disappointment to show you.
Craig Owen (Cayleb Long), a famous guitarist (though why he’s famous is never fully explained, and frankly, I stopped caring), gets kidnapped while grabbing some champagne at a convenience store. As the evening goes on, we’re introduced to his torturer, Bill Anderson (Jackson Davis), a man with a passion for not only murdering people but also pretending to be a variety of utterly nonsensical characters—including a clown, a police officer, a doctor, and an executioner. He’s a serial killer with commitment issues, apparently.
At this point, the film has already crossed into the realm of “this isn’t even trying to make sense.” Bill’s bizarre acts of torture, which include forcing Craig to chew and swallow his own teeth (yes, that’s a thing that happens), are filmed like a high-budget snuff film, but without the suspense, tension, or even a decent storyline to back it up. It’s like a Halloween costume montage gone terribly wrong—except you can’t take the costume off.
The film’s attempts to shock you with “twists” are as effective as a flat tire on a unicycle. When Craig finally escapes, only to be recaptured again (because nothing says “suspense” like a series of poor life decisions), you start wondering if this movie’s entire plot is just one long, drawn-out metaphor for being stuck in a bad relationship. Oh, wait—maybe it is!
Characters: Are We Supposed to Care About Any of Them?
I’m going to go ahead and say it: The Basement‘s characters are as developed as the plot of a soggy napkin. Craig is supposed to be our tortured hero, but he’s as bland as a bowl of mashed potatoes without butter. Sure, he’s a guitarist, but we’re never shown why he’s “famous,” or why anyone should care that he’s in peril.
Mischa Barton plays Kelly Owen, Craig’s wife, who seems to be a mix of passive-aggressive frustration and blatant ignorance. She spends the movie getting tangled in some pretty poor choices, mostly revolving around the fact that her husband is cheating on her. But honestly, by the time her plot “twist” is revealed, you’ll be so numb from the film’s lack of real drama that you’ll probably just yawn and ask, “Wait, who is she again?”
But the real star of this disaster is Jackson Davis as Bill Anderson. He spends most of the film channeling every cliché serial killer ever put to film. He’s a man of many faces, quite literally, and none of them are even remotely interesting. His “pretend to be someone else” schtick gets old fast, especially when you realize that every character he impersonates could be replaced by a cardboard cutout and the plot would hardly change. He’s just a bad actor with a penchant for weird costumes and even weirder motivation.
Torture Porn With a Side of Boring
If you came to The Basement expecting some edge-of-your-seat horror, you’ll quickly learn that the only thing on the edge of your seat is the growing disappointment in your own life choices. Yes, there’s torture—lots of it—but it’s about as exciting as watching someone stir paint. The violence in The Basement feels like it was written by a teenager who just learned the word “gruesome” and wanted to make an entire movie out of it. There’s no real creativity, no real horror, just cheap gore shots strung together with a plot that has more holes than a Swiss cheese factory.
Sure, Bill gets his jollies by making Craig chew his teeth, but where’s the payoff? Where’s the thrill? What exactly are we supposed to be scared of here? A guy with too much time on his hands and a penchant for dressing up as other people? Ooooh, spooky. Call me when he starts performing karaoke in the middle of the basement and we’ll talk.
Cinematography: If a Movie Falls in the Forest…
It’s one thing to make a cheap horror movie; it’s another thing entirely to make a cheap horror movie that looks like it was filmed on a camera bought from a pawn shop. The Basement does exactly that. The lighting is so dim at times you’d think the filmmakers were trying to create atmosphere with a candle and a flashlight. The camerawork is as shaky as your grandma on her morning walk, and there’s so much gratuitous slow motion that you’ll start wondering if you’re watching the world’s longest torture sequence or the world’s slowest train wreck.
To top it all off, the film’s entire aesthetic is as generic as a dollar-store horror film. Dark basements, poorly lit rooms, and people running around like headless chickens—it’s not even stylish enough to be laughably bad. It’s just bad, plain and simple.
Conclusion: Should You Watch The Basement?
The only thing scarier than The Basement is the realization that you could have spent your time doing literally anything else, like watching grass grow or listening to elevator music. This film is a textbook example of how to take a decent horror premise (a killer torturing a victim in a basement) and turn it into a slog of confusion, poor acting, and gratuitous gore.
If you want to experience the full range of emotions, from apathy to sheer regret, give The Basement a try. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re looking for the nearest exit. The movie is about as thrilling as a trip to the DMV, only with more fake blood and fewer interesting characters.
Verdict: 1 out of 5 stars—because I need to give at least one star for the fact that they somehow managed to find a way to make a basement this boring.
