Blumhouse’s Bloodless Binge
There’s an old saying: “If you can’t make a good vampire movie, at least make it sexy.” Family Blood somehow manages to do neither. It’s a horror film so dry, even Dracula would die of dehydration halfway through. Directed by Sonny Mallhi (The Strangers: Prey at Night producer) and released straight to Netflix in 2018—because where else would it go—this film feels like a PSA about substance abuse that got hijacked by a community theater production of Twilight.
It’s a movie about vampires that somehow forgets to have any bite. You could watch the entire thing and never once be sure if anyone’s actually supposed to be undead or just really bad at acting.
Plot: Addiction, Blood, and… Boredom
Vinessa Shaw stars as Ellie, a recovering drug addict who moves to a new city with her two teenage kids, Kyle (Colin Ford) and Meegan (Ajiona Alexus). She’s determined to stay sober, which in Blumhouse terms means we’re ten minutes away from someone bleeding on the carpet.
Ellie gets a new job, goes to meetings, and tries to be a good mom—until she meets Christopher (James Ransone), a charming stranger who’s also an addict, except his drug of choice is Type O-negative. One thing leads to another, and soon Ellie’s not relapsing on heroin—she’s relapsing on hemoglobin.
From there, Family Blood descends into what I can only describe as Interview with the Vampire if the interviewer had fallen asleep mid-sentence. Ellie’s transformation into a vampire is handled with all the visual flair of an episode of Intervention. She gets twitchy, avoids sunlight, and starts hanging around the fridge like a woman who’s lost the will to microwave leftovers.
Meanwhile, her kids are confused, the neighbors are oblivious, and the audience is checking how much time is left.
Performances: The Undead Acting Class
Let’s be clear—Vinessa Shaw is a talented actress. She survived Kubrick (Eyes Wide Shut) and Hocus Pocus. But here she’s trapped in a role that demands she look half-dead while delivering dialogue that’s entirely lifeless. She’s supposed to be torn between her addiction and her newfound hunger for blood, but mostly she just looks like she regrets signing the contract.
James Ransone (It: Chapter Two) plays Christopher, the vampire who “turns” Ellie and then promptly disappears from the movie like a bad Tinder date. His presence is so minimal, it’s almost spiritual—like a vampire you can only summon through awkward dialogue.
Colin Ford as Kyle, the resentful son, spends most of the movie alternating between glaring at his mother and Googling “how to stop your mom from drinking blood.” He’s the closest thing to emotional resonance the film has, which is like saying the salad bar was the best part of the gas station.
Ajiona Alexus (from 13 Reasons Why) as Meegan mostly exists to fill out the teen quota. She gets a subplot involving high school drama that goes absolutely nowhere—a bold artistic choice in a film that goes nowhere in every direction.
Direction: Netflix and No Chill
Sonny Mallhi directs Family Blood like he’s afraid of vampires—and filmmaking. Every scene feels underlit, underwritten, and underwhelming. The editing is so sluggish that even the jump scares look tired. If the camera moved any slower, it’d qualify as a still photograph.
The tone tries for gritty realism but lands somewhere between soap opera and Goosebumps After Dark. You can tell Mallhi wanted to make an emotional horror film about addiction, but instead he made a Hallmark movie for people who occasionally burst into flames.
There’s one decent idea buried under the rubble: the metaphor of vampirism as addiction. It’s clever—vampires are, after all, slaves to craving. Unfortunately, this film handles the metaphor with the subtlety of a garlic grenade. It’s like watching someone explain symbolism out loud while tripping over a coffin.
Cinematography: 50 Shades of Brown
Visually, Family Blood is what happens when you film an entire movie through a used coffee filter. Everything is brown, beige, or some variation of “sad taupe.” The lighting is so dim that you’ll spend half the runtime squinting at your screen wondering if your Netflix settings are broken or if the movie just hates you.
The suburban setting, meant to highlight Ellie’s attempt at a normal life, instead feels like a real-estate commercial gone wrong. Every location looks the same—anonymous rooms where dreams (and narrative momentum) go to die.
The Vampirism Itself: Toothless Terror
Let’s talk about the vampires. Or rather, let’s talk about the lack thereof. These are the most apathetic bloodsuckers in film history. There’s no transformation sequence, no sense of danger, and the feeding scenes are about as erotic as a dental cleaning.
When Ellie first drinks blood, it’s supposed to be shocking, but it plays more like she’s sneaking a late-night snack she’ll regret later. There’s no tension, no fear—just a lot of slow breathing and muffled moaning that sounds suspiciously like the sound mix from The Room.
Even the kills—what few there are—feel perfunctory. If you blink, you’ll miss them. If you don’t blink, you’ll wish you had.
Pacing: Like Withdrawal, but Less Fun
For a movie about addiction and vampirism, Family Blood has all the energy of a methadone clinic on a Sunday afternoon. The first act trudges through family melodrama, the second act flirts with horror, and the third act just gives up entirely.
Scenes stretch on forever, dialogue loops like a broken record (“You promised me, Mom!”), and by the time anything remotely exciting happens, you’re too emotionally sedated to care. The movie clocks in at 92 minutes, but it feels like you’ve been watching it for three rehabs and a relapse.
Metaphor Madness: When Symbolism Eats Itself
The idea of addiction as vampirism could’ve worked if the script had any teeth. But instead, the film spoon-feeds its metaphors like a guidance counselor with a pamphlet. Ellie isn’t addicted to drugs anymore—she’s addicted to blood! Get it? Because addiction is bad!
There’s a moment where she goes to an AA meeting right after killing someone, and it’s played completely straight. You half expect her to stand up and say, “Hi, I’m Ellie, and it’s been two hours since my last feeding.”
The movie keeps trying to be profound, but it just ends up preaching. Every emotional beat lands with the grace of a bat flying into a ceiling fan.
The Ending: Family That Slays Together…
Without spoiling too much, the finale involves family drama, police intervention, and the vaguest possible resolution. It’s as if the writers couldn’t decide whether Ellie deserved redemption or a stake through the heart, so they shrugged and went home.
By the end, the only thing drained of life is the audience.
Final Thoughts: Anemic Horror with No Pulse
Family Blood wants to be a gritty exploration of addiction wrapped in a vampire story. What it ends up being is a lifeless drama where even the supernatural elements feel like a metaphor that overdosed.
It’s a film about bloodsuckers that somehow manages to suck the least when no one’s drinking blood.
If you’re looking for horror, go watch Let the Right One In. If you’re looking for a serious addiction drama, try Requiem for a Dream. If you’re looking for a way to waste an hour and a half while questioning your life choices, congratulations—Family Blood is streaming now.
Final Rating: ★½☆☆☆
(One and a half out of five empty syringes — half a star for effort, one for reminding us that even vampires can have midlife crises.)
