If you ever wanted to see a movie that asks, “What if Satanists ran a retirement community?”—then congratulations, The Brotherhood of Satan is your flavorless communion wafer of a film. Directed by Bernard McEveety and starring Strother Martin, L.Q. Jones, and a whole lot of poor decision-making, this supernatural slog takes witchcraft, devil dolls, and child-snatching, and somehow makes them about as frightening as a rerun of Matlock.
The Plot: Satan’s Babysitting Service
Our “hero,” Ben Holden (Charles Bateman), is a widower road-tripping across the desert with his girlfriend Nicky and his daughter K.T. The family stumbles upon a small town plagued by mass murders and disappearing kids. The sheriff attacks them for reasons never explained—possibly because he read the script—and before long, they’re entangled in the schemes of Dr. Duncan (Strother Martin), who leads a coven of elderly Satanists.
The Satanic plan? Transfer their dusty, mothball-ridden souls into the bodies of fresh, wide-eyed children. It’s Freaky Friday, but with more blood, less logic, and no Lindsay Lohan to liven it up. Along the way, killer toys come to life, including dolls and a tiny murderous horseman, proving once again that nothing is scarier than bad props with a studio fog machine behind them.
By the finale, the coven succeeds, the old folks croak, and the kids inherit their souls. It ends on a freeze-frame of creepy children staring blankly—though to be fair, that might just be the audience after sitting through this.
Performances: Chewing Scenery Like It’s a Buffet
Strother Martin as Dr. Duncan brings his trademark twitchy weirdness, but he looks like he wandered in from a completely different movie, possibly a Western where Satan runs the general store. L.Q. Jones, also producing, plays Sheriff Pete with the energy of a man who knows he’s paying for this mess and plans to bill the devil himself for overtime.
Charles Bateman as Ben Holden tries to carry the film, but mostly just looks confused, as if someone told him this was a road-trip drama and then handed him a plastic skeleton five minutes before cameras rolled. Ahna Capri as Nicky has little to do except scream and trip over furniture. And the children? Creepy, yes—but not because of the script. Just because kids are naturally terrifying when they stare too long.
Production Values: Bargain Basement Black Mass
Shot in New Mexico and California, the film looks like a mash-up of a Marlboro commercial and a church basement play about Satan. The special effects are laughably bad—killer dolls that wobble like dollar-store marionettes, and “manifested toys” that wouldn’t frighten a toddler hopped up on Capri Sun.
And let’s talk pacing: this movie crawls. For a film about devil worship, mass murder, and supernatural child possession, it has the urgency of someone slowly filling out their tax forms.
Why It Fails (and Why It’s Accidentally Funny)
The movie tries to be profound, muttering about eternal life and sacrifices, but it’s undone by sheer incompetence. The idea of Satanist senior citizens stealing children’s bodies could’ve been unsettling—like Rosemary’s Baby meets Cocoon.Instead, it’s closer to Golden Girls Go to Hell, minus the laughs.
The horror never lands because the execution is so clumsy. Killer toys? Great idea. On screen? It looks like someone dropped their Halloween decorations and decided to just keep rolling.
Final Verdict
The Brotherhood of Satan is proof that even the Devil has a bad day at the office. It’s slow, silly, and spectacularly dull, with just enough absurdity to make you chuckle when you should be horrified. By the time the coven succeeds and the kids inherit their souls, you’re not scared—you’re jealous that they got out of the movie before you did.
⭐ Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Satanic toy horses. Scary only if you fear polyester wigs, bad editing, or the thought of your grandma joining a cult.
