When a film’s title alone sounds like a snake trying to sneeze, you know you’re in for something that will slither straight into the realm of absurdity. Sssssss (1973), directed by Bernard L. Kowalski, is one of those rare horror films that takes its premise so seriously that it fails spectacularly. This is the kind of movie that might have seemed creepy at first glance, but by the time the credits roll, you’ll be desperately trying to figure out how you got snake-bitten by the sheer incompetence on display.
At its heart, the movie is about David Blake (Dirk Benedict), a college student who takes a job as a lab assistant to the delightfully creepy Dr. Carl Stoner (Strother Martin), a herpetologist with a disturbingly unhealthy obsession with snakes. The good doctor has developed a serum that, when injected into humans, slowly turns them into serpents. If that concept doesn’t make your skin crawl with dread… well, it should. But instead, this film makes you feel more like a snake charmer trying to calm down an enraged python—mostly out of sheer frustration at its absurdity.
The plot—if you can call it that—unfolds as David begins his work at Stoner’s lab, quickly discovering that the good doctor is not only delusional but also dangerously obsessed with his snake experiments. David’s initial reaction to the bizarre situation could be summed up with a simple “Oh, okay, I’ll just let the mad scientist inject me with mysterious snake venom because that makes sense, right?” And of course, that leads to all manner of horrifying results: his skin peels off, he starts having strange dreams, and in the most laughable moment, he falls into a coma after dinner with Stoner—like a drunk guy passing out after one too many bad choices.
Stoner’s serum transforms David into a green, scale-covered shell of a human, and it’s here that the film really snakes into absurdity. Instead of building a sense of creeping dread or focusing on the emotional unraveling of David’s descent into serpentine madness, we’re treated to moments of sheer farce, like a carnival freak show with a limbless “snake-man” who just so happens to be Stoner’s former assistant. If this weren’t so laughable, it might be an offensive commentary on how poorly the film treats its own characters.
There’s also the budding romance between David and Stoner’s daughter, Kristina (Heather Menzies), which could have added some emotional stakes, but it’s so half-baked that it barely registers. David’s body is falling apart, his mind is unraveling, and Kristina’s “concern” amounts to little more than a few half-hearted attempts to get in the way of her father’s insane research. I’m sure the filmmakers were hoping for some tragic love story between two doomed souls, but instead, it comes off as a mix of melodrama and awkward flirtation, the kind of thing you’d expect to see in a Lifetime movie—not a horror film about transforming into a snake.
But perhaps the film’s biggest mistake is in its treatment of its villain, Dr. Stoner. Strother Martin, a man who could make any line of dialogue sound sinister, delivers a performance that’s so detached from reality that he seems more like a mad scientist in a children’s show than a man unraveling the very fabric of nature. His eventual death—provoked by the venom of a king cobra—feels anticlimactic, not because he dies, but because the film has already drained all the life from the narrative. It’s as if the movie itself was already done with him.
And then there’s the grand finale—David’s complete transformation into a king cobra, complete with the kind of laughable special effects you’d expect from a 1973 body-horror film that couldn’t even afford the budget for a convincing snake puppet. As David slithers around, his body now completely overtaken by his new serpent form, we’re left to wonder why anyone thought this would be a scary moment. There’s no suspense, no buildup—just an inevitable conclusion that leads to more bizarre sequences of characters reacting with unconvincing shock.
The film’s ending, with David being attacked by a mongoose (yes, a mongoose), and the police coming to the rescue in the most anticlimactic showdown ever, leaves us with an ending as unsatisfying as stepping on a garden rake. Was that the best conclusion the filmmakers could muster? The fates of David and Kristina are left uncertain, but by the time you’ve sat through the previous 90 minutes, you’ll be more than happy to leave their fate to the snakes.
In terms of performances, it’s hard to say who’s the most lost. Dirk Benedict, best known for Battlestar Galactica and The A-Team, looks completely out of his depth here, as if he wandered into the wrong movie and didn’t know how to escape. Heather Menzies, playing Kristina, looks perpetually confused, unsure whether to be scared of her father or to show concern for the man slowly turning into a snake. Meanwhile, Strother Martin’s Dr. Stoner seems more like a madman with a low budget for snake-related props than a believable scientist.
Then there’s the makeup effects by John Chambers and Nick Marcellino, which deserve their own special mention. If you’re looking for convincing body horror, you’ll be disappointed. The idea of a human transforming into a snake is inherently gross and fascinating, but the execution here is more laughable than frightening. The makeup looks like something that could have been crafted in someone’s garage during a particularly uninspired Halloween season.
In the end, Sssssss fails to deliver any real scares, nor does it leave you thinking about the consequences of playing with nature. What it does deliver, however, is a snake pit of illogical plot twists, cringeworthy performances, and special effects that make you wish the filmmakers had never been allowed near a snake. If you’re looking for a snake horror movie that actually knows how to bite, this one should be avoided at all costs.
