Free Admission to Disappointment
Tourist Trap promises a blend of slasher horror and surrealism, but mostly delivers the cinematic equivalent of being trapped in a Spirit Halloween store that won’t stop playing prank noises. David Schmoeller’s film opens with the death of Woody—impaled in a gas station by a telekinetic pipe while mannequins giggle like deranged Muppets. It’s supposed to be creepy; instead, it plays like a fever dream you’d have after watching The Twilight Zone while inhaling glue.
PG Rating, R-Rated Confusion
Yes, this supernatural slasher was rated PG, meaning there’s less gore than in an average Saturday morning cartoon. The Motion Picture Association of America apparently decided that mannequins strangling people and telekinetically flinging knives at their heads were fine for the kids. The result is a horror movie that tries to be shocking while constantly holding back, like a killer who politely asks if you’re ready before stabbing.
Chuck Connors: Wax On, Wax Off
Chuck Connors stars as Mr. Slausen, a shotgun-toting museum owner whose “eccentric” behavior should’ve had our group of trespassing twenty-somethings sprinting for the freeway. Connors flips between folksy charm and murderous glee with the subtlety of a light switch, eventually donning a creepy mask to terrorize his guests. The twist—that Slausen is the masked killer—is less “jaw-dropping reveal” and more “yeah, we figured that out the moment you walked on screen.”
The Victims: Bland and Pre-Assembled
Our unlucky group—Molly, Becky, Jerry, Eileen, and briefly Woody—are the human equivalent of department-store mannequins even before they start turning into them. They wander through the plot, make bad decisions, and react to supernatural attacks with the urgency of someone realizing they left the oven on. Tanya Roberts is here, mostly to skinny dip before the mannequins get her, proving that in 1970s horror, the fastest way to die is to have a bathing suit nearby.
Mannequins with Mood Swings
The film’s signature gimmick—mannequins that move, talk, and sometimes scream—is occasionally unsettling, but overused to the point of parody. They pop up so often that you stop wondering “How are they alive?” and start wondering “Do they have a union?” By the time one kills someone with a knife throw, the sight is less chilling and more like a bad audition for America’s Got Talent: Wax Edition.
Telekinesis: The Lazy Villain’s Best Friend
Slausen’s psychokinetic powers mean he can kill people without lifting a finger, which sounds scary but mostly results in scenes where objects float around like they’re in a low-budget haunted house. The randomness of the powers—sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t—feels less like mystery and more like the script forgetting its own rules.
The Ending: Molly Snaps, We Clap
The climax has Molly killing Slausen with an axe, only to drive off the next morning with mannequin versions of her friends in the passenger seats, smiling like she’s just picked up a new bowling team. It’s meant to be a shocking, ambiguous finale, but after 90 minutes of mannequin melodrama, it feels like the movie just gave up and said, “Fine, she’s crazy now. Roll credits.”
Final Verdict: Less Haunted Highway, More Dead End
Tourist Trap has a cult following, and it’s easy to see why—its mix of slasher tropes, supernatural nonsense, and unintentional comedy makes it a perfect late-night oddity. But as a straightforward horror film? It’s too tame to be scary, too weird to be taken seriously, and too repetitive to keep you on edge. If you visit, don’t expect to be terrified—but do expect to leave with a renewed fear of mannequins and roadside attractions
