A Hunter’s Moon, a Blood Moon, and a Total Waste of Time
Let’s not mince words: Bloodmoon is the kind of film that makes you nostalgic for actual detention. An Australian Catholic school slasher with barbed wire garrotes, unconvincing teen angst, and teachers who behave like they’re auditioning for Days of Our Lives instead of surviving a horror movie, it’s a miracle this thing even made it to theaters. The only “blood moon” here is the one you’ll be howling at in disbelief while the credits roll.
The Setup: Jesus, Jocks, and Jealousy
We open at Saint Elizabeth’s, a posh Catholic girls’ school where Sister Mary-Ellen keeps watch over the hormonal stew of teenagers. Across town, Winchester School houses the boys, who naturally sneak off to make out with the girls in the nearby woods. Think Romeo and Juliet, but with less poetry and more Aqua Net.
Meanwhile, the new headmistress Mrs. Sheffield and her science teacher husband Myles Sheffield arrive to spice things up. She’s snobby, he’s repressed, and both are so suspiciously intense you know one of them is going to turn out to be the killer. Spoiler: it’s the husband. It’s always the husband. If Scooby-Doo has taught us anything, it’s to suspect the creepy adult with access to sharp instruments.
Death by Barbed Wire: Because Knives Are Too Mainstream
The murders begin with barbed wire used as a garrote. Nothing says “budget constraints” quite like buying one prop at the hardware store and stretching it over 100 minutes. Victims include horny teenagers, unlucky bystanders, and anyone foolish enough to wander into a dark hallway carrying their own flashlight.
To make matters worse, Myles Sheffield collects fingers and eyeballs in jars like a deranged home-brewer. Apparently nobody notices this until students literally stumble upon them while looking for exam papers. Imagine studying for chemistry and finding Uncle Fester’s pantry. You’d drop out too.
The Characters: Who Needs Depth When You Have Perms?
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Myles Sheffield (Leon Lissek): A science teacher who moonlights as a slasher villain and still finds time to mope about his wife’s infidelity. He’s so blood-soaked by the third act you’d think he was auditioning for a B-grade Carrie.
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Virginia Sheffield (Christine Amor): Headmistress, adulteress, and part-time cougar. She treats her husband like gum on her shoe but still manages to bed half the student body. The real horror is her taste in men.
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Sister Mary-Ellen: The nun who sees everything but, conveniently, never anything useful. She spends more time fainting than helping.
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Mary (Helen Thomson): A student so bland she may as well be called “Final Girl Template #3.”
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Kevin (Ian Williams): The local beach boy who exists solely to kiss Mary and walk into danger.
The rest of the cast is indistinguishable. They scream, they get sliced, they die in stairwells. Rinse, repeat.
The School Dance: Glam Rock and Fire Hoses
One of the film’s “big set pieces” is a school dance featuring a glam rock band that looks like they were pulled from the back of a Brisbane dive bar five minutes before filming. Fire hoses are used for chaos, because apparently water fights are terrifying if you squint hard enough. It’s the kind of scene that should be fun but lands like a wet sponge to the face.
The Romance Subplot: Infidelity Down Under
While teenagers are dying left and right, Mrs. Sheffield is busy sleeping with her students. Yes, you read that correctly. A headmistress/student affair played with the subtlety of a soap opera. Her husband finds out and expresses his feelings by stabbing yearbook photos with a knife. Freud would have a field day with this guy. Instead of counseling, he opts for mass murder. Cheaper than therapy, I guess.
The Police: About as Useful as a Screen Door on a Submarine
The film features a police sergeant named Matt Desmond (Craig Cronin), who stumbles in and out of scenes like he’s looking for a better script. At one point, he shoots his revolver in the air to make the headmistress tell the truth—because nothing says “proper policing” like random gunfire in a Catholic school. By the time he finally confronts Sheffield in the woods, he’s promptly stabbed to death. Frankly, it’s the most merciful moment in the entire movie.
The Climax: Science Teacher vs. Everyone
The climax involves Sheffield trying to strangle Mary with his trusty barbed wire while lightning crashes in the background. Kevin is strangled, the cop is killed, Sister Mary-Ellen flails with a bottle of liquid, and finally, Sheffield goes full Rambo with a shotgun. The ending is so incoherent you half-expect the cameraman to throw down his equipment and walk away.
Does Sheffield die? Does Virginia? Who cares? By this point you’re praying for a blood moon to rise and consume everyone in a tide of fire just to put them out of their misery.
The Style: Ozploitation at Its Worst
Ozploitation cinema is famous for being wild, trashy, and entertaining. Bloodmoon manages only two of those three. It’s trashy, sure. It’s wild, if your idea of wild is Catholic school melodrama spliced with barbed wire strangulations. But entertaining? Not even close. The pacing drags like a kangaroo with a broken leg, the kills are repetitive, and the dialogue sounds like it was written during a power outage.
The only thing worth praising is the cinematography by John Stokes, who actually frames a few pretty shots of the forest and chapel. But you can only polish a turd so much before you realize you’re still holding a turd.
Fun Fact: Featured in Not Quite Hollywood
This film was highlighted in Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation!—but not as a triumph. More like a cautionary tale. Watching it feels like an assignment in “How Not to Make a Slasher Film.”
Final Thoughts: A Blood Moon That Should Have Stayed Eclipsed
Bloodmoon is a film that proves not every country needs a slasher entry. America gave us Friday the 13th. Italy gave us Tenebrae. Australia gave us… this. A tedious, overlong soap opera with occasional murders, bad perms, and a killer science teacher who looks more like a disgruntled substitute.
If you’re desperate to watch it, here’s some advice: don’t. Go outside, stare at the actual moon, and think about your life choices. That will be scarier, cheaper, and infinitely more rewarding.
