🐲 1. Premise That Aims for Magic, Settles for Soft Serve In Disney’s Pete’s Dragon, we meet Pete (Oakes Fegley), a feral kid who lives with Elliott—the kind-hearted forest dragon—after a car accident. When Pete is found by the kindly forest ranger Grace (Bryce Dallas Howard), the story shifts from “adventure with mythical creature” to … Read More ““Pete’s Dragon” (2016) – A Fairy Tale That Forgets to Sparkle (And Smells Like Smoking Wood Chips)” »
Let’s not kid ourselves: The Green Knight is not a movie. It’s a screensaver. A $15-million tone poem that somehow makes beheading, giants, ghosts, talking foxes, and ancient pagan sex cults feel like watching someone read a Latin dictionary by candlelight. Written and directed by David Lowery (who also made A Ghost Story, aka “The … Read More “The Green Knight (2021): A Medieval Quest for Meaning, Pacing, and a Working Flashlight” »
If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to die, become a ghost, and then be condemned to silently watch people cry in wide shots for eternity, A Ghost Story is here to give you that exact experience—without the courtesy of actual death. Directed by David Lowery and starring Casey Affleck as a literal bedsheet, … Read More “A Ghost Story (2017): Boo! Just Kidding. It’s a Pie-Fueled Existential Nap” »
“Ain’t Them Bodies Saints” is the kind of film that wears its influences like a thrift-store coat two sizes too big—trying to look vintage but tripping over its own hemline. Directed by David Lowery, who must’ve wandered into a Terrence Malick screening one day and said, “Yes, but what if it were slower?”, this 2013 … Read More “Ain’t Them Bodies Saints (2013): The Art of Staring Quietly at Dust” »
Let me begin with a confession: I wanted to like C’mon C’mon. I really did. Black-and-white indie film? Check. Joaquin Phoenix with a sad beard? Double check. A road movie about human connection and the fragility of modern parenthood? Triple check with a side of therapy. But then I watched it—and what I got was … Read More “C’mon C’mon (2021): A Meditation on Parenthood, Loneliness, and Why Nothing Ever Happens” »
Let’s get this out of the way: Beginners isn’t terrible in the way a Uwe Boll movie is terrible. No, Beginners is the kind of movie that believes it’s curing your soul while slowly making your brain leak out your ears in a gentle, aesthetically pleasing drizzle. Written and directed by Mike Mills, this 2010 … Read More “Beginners (2010): A Movie About Feelings That Forgot to Have Any” »
If Thumbsucker were a person, it would be the moody teenager in the corner of an open mic night, reading Sylvia Plath under a blanket while sighing deeply between kombucha sips. It’s not that this 2005 coming-of-age drama is bad in the traditional sense—it’s worse. It’s limp. It’s the kind of film that’s so proud … Read More “Thumbsucker (2005): A Coming-of-Age Film That Never Actually Comes of Anything” »
🕰 1. The Premise That Promised Generational Wisdom… And Delivered Lecture Syndrome 20th Century Women sets out to explore feminism, parenting, and plural perspectives in late-1970s Santa Barbara. Centering on Dorothea (Annette Bening), a sympathetic single mother raising teenage son Jamie (Lucas Jade Zumann) with help from housemate Abbie (Greta Gerwig) and friend Julie (Elle … Read More ““20th Century Women” (2016) – A Midlife Memoir Sprawled Into Art-School Therapy” »
🥶 1. Premise That Promised Depth… Delivered a Headache The title—“Does Your Soul Have a Cold?”—sounds like a twilight meditation on emotional numbness. In reality, the film unfolds like a cheap attempt to evoke Lost in Translation moodiness but with less charm and more existential throat-clearing. Julia (played by an earnest but underwritten lead) is … Read More ““Does Your Soul Have a Cold?” (2007) – A Filmic Flu That Drags for 100 Minutes” »
Here lies Everything Everywhere All at Once, a film with the subtlety of a nuclear-powered kazoo and the narrative restraint of a toddler hopped up on Fun Dip. It’s the cinematic equivalent of someone screaming “LOOK AT ME!” for two and a half hours while chucking bagels, butt plugs, and emotional speeches directly at your … Read More “Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022): A Maximalist Migraine Disguised as a Movie” »