Robert Eggers’ The Northman is a Viking epic that roars like a beast, slashes like a blade, and ultimately sinks like a stone. It’s what happens when a director gets a blank check and decides to spend most of it on mud, growling, and shirtless howling at the moon. It wants to be Hamlet meets … Read More “The Northman (2022) – All Rage, No Reason” »
Robert Eggers’ The Lighthouse is a film that critics adored and audiences endured. Released in 2019 and filmed in gloriously square 1.19:1 aspect ratio because—of course—it had to look like a haunted Instagram filter from 1890, this moody black-and-white fever dream was supposed to be art. Instead, it plays like a sadistic endurance test, a … Read More “The Lighthouse (2019) – A Two-Man Descent Into Pretentious Seagull Hell” »
Robert Eggers’ The Witch (2015) is a film that slinks rather than sprints, creeping through the forest like a Puritan’s bad thought—sluggish, ominous, and a little bit horny. Billed as a “New England folktale,” it’s the kind of arthouse horror movie that makes you check if your coffee’s still warm and your patience still intact. … Read More ““The Witch” (2015) – A Slow Burn in the Black Woods” »
There’s a moment in Deer Woman where you realize John Landis is absolutely messing with you. Not in a Hitchcockian, master-of-suspense kind of way, but more like a drunken uncle hijacking Thanksgiving dinner to explain how sexy Native American mythology is. That’s the whole episode in a nutshell: weird, dumb, oddly charming, and possibly illegal … Read More “Masters of Horror – “Deer Woman” (2005): Antlers, Absurdity, and a Very Strange Boner” »
There are murder‑for‑money black comedies, and then there’s Susan’s Plan, a film so aggressively dumb it feels like it was conceived during a poker game between people who thought “irony” was a fancy salad dressing. Directed and written by John Landis, this 1998 direct‑to‑video disaster (retitled Dying to Get Rich) promised cunning plotting and noir … Read More “Susan’s Plan (1998): A Murder Plot So Stupid It Kills the Fun” »
Somewhere in the dark, smoky void between a bad idea and a drunken greenlight meeting, Blues Brothers 2000 was born. Not written. Not developed. Not conceived in any artistic way. Born—like a fungus that grew on a stack of unused Universal Studios press passes. It’s the kind of sequel that feels like it escaped from … Read More “Blues Brothers 2000”: A Sequel Nobody Wanted to the Movie Nobody Should Have Followed” »
It takes a special kind of creative ambition to produce a film called The Stupids and then deliver something even dumber than the title promised. Directed by John Landis—yes, that John Landis, the same guy who once gave us The Blues Brothers, Animal House, and An American Werewolf in London—this film is a catastrophic free … Read More “The Stupids (1996): A Movie So Dumb, It Gave the VHS Tape Brain Damage” »
If “Beverly Hills Cop” was a Big Mac with extra sauce and “Beverly Hills Cop II” was a reheated Quarter Pounder smothered in synth-pop and cocaine dust, then “Beverly Hills Cop III” is the Dollar Menu after midnight—lukewarm, rubbery, and handed to you by someone who just clocked out of caring. Directed by John Landis, … Read More “Beverly Hills Cop III (1994): Axel Foley Goes to Hellworld (and Takes Us With Him)” »
Innocent Blood is the cinematic equivalent of ordering a pepperoni pizza expecting a gourmet pie… and getting half pepperoni, half prosciutto, with olives scattered where they make no sense. John Landis’ 1992 mash-up of vampire horror, mobster mayhem, and noir-comedy can’t quite decide what it wants to be—but hey, it sure wants to look stylish … Read More “Innocent Blood (1992): A Vampiric Gumshoe with Just Enough Sauce to Savor” »
There are movies that miss the mark. Then there are movies that miss the building entirely, fall into a dumpster fire, and get sprayed down by a confused fireman named Vinny. Oscar is that movie—a big, bloated attempt at screwball comedy where everything is moving except the laughter. Directed by John Landis and starring Sylvester … Read More “Oscar (1991): When Stallone Traded His Boxing Gloves for a Clown Nose” »
