If Stereo was David Cronenberg’s artsy, stoned freshman thesis, then Crimes of the Future is his drug-induced sophomore manifesto—longer, dumber, and twice as convinced it’s saying something important. It’s 63 minutes of visual static, pseudo-scientific gibberish, and actors who move like they were directed by a mannequin on lithium. And no, this isn’t the 2022 … Read More “Crimes of the Future (1970) – The Sophomore Slump Nobody Asked For” »
If you’ve ever wanted to experience what it’s like to have your frontal lobe slowly scraped away with an ice cream scoop while a disembodied Canadian voice narrates psychobabble about telepathy and sexual repression over static images of people walking around a brutalist architecture campus in dead silence—then congratulations. You’ve found your film. David Cronenberg’s … Read More “Stereo (1969) – A Canadian Mindfk in Monotone” »
In the annals of horror history, there are films that whisper dread. Then there’s Eaten Alive, a film that mutters to itself in a swamp, gnaws on a chicken bone, and tries not to trip over its own sleaze. Directed by Tobe Hooper in the fever-dream aftermath of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, this is … Read More “Eaten Alive (1976): Where Alligators Have Better Agents Than the Cast” »
Let’s get this out of the way: Walking the Edge isn’t a good movie. It’s not a bad movie either. It’s a shrug of a movie—like someone made Death Wish on a budget of bus fare and cigarette coupons. It’s the kind of film you’d find on a VHS tape labeled “action?” in your uncle’s … Read More “Walking the Edge (1985): A Half-Decent Trip Down a Shabby Side Street” »
You ever wonder what would happen if someone spiked a Hallmark Christmas movie with gasoline fumes, trauma, and a shot of Jim Henson’s blood pressure medication? Look no further than Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker—a film that answers the question: “What if Pinocchio was a pervert and Santa was played by a … Read More “Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)” »
There’s a moment early in The Beast Within when you think, “Hey, maybe this will be good.” That moment lasts exactly 17 seconds. Then it collapses into a smoldering pile of Southern-fried body horror, hormonal rage, and swamp-sweat nonsense that plays like The Fly’s malnourished cousin… if that cousin was locked in a basement and … Read More “The Beast Within (1982): Puberty is Hell, But This Was Unwatchable” »
Sometimes you come across a film so fundamentally confused, so brazenly undercooked, that you wonder if anyone involved was fully awake when the cameras were rolling. Hammer, a 1972 Blaxploitation “boxing” film starring Fred Williamson, is one of those movies. It walks into the ring looking like it’s ready to go twelve rounds, but it … Read More “Hammer (1972): Swing and a Miss in the Ring of Blaxploitation” »
Sometimes a movie is so full of itself it forgets to be entertaining. Slaughter, the 1972 Blaxploitation action flick starring Jim Brown, isn’t just a relic of a time when explosions were cheaper than dialogue—it’s a masterclass in how not to make a revenge thriller. It’s got all the ingredients of a good time: car … Read More “Slaughter (1972): When the Title’s the Only Thing That Works” »
There’s a fine line between gritty and grimy. And then there’s Bucktown—a movie that confuses lazy writing for realism, cardboard characters for depth, and aimless violence for social commentary. This 1975 Blaxploitation flick stars Fred Williamson and Pam Grier, two icons of the era, both of whom deserved better than this cinematic back alley of … Read More “Bucktown (1975): Welcome to the Town Time Forgot—and Should Have Left That Way” »
Sometimes a film comes along that tries to be so profound, so drenched in spiritual metaphor and grand moral inquiry, that it forgets to entertain—or even function. The Angel Levine is one such film. It wants to be a deep, soulful story about faith, prejudice, and redemption. Instead, it plays like a parable written by … Read More “The Angel Levine (1970): A Miracle Nobody Asked For” »
