Welcome to the Office—Now Die Productively Few movies have ever captured the slow, draining death of working in an office quite like Bloodsucking Bastards. And by “captured,” I mean literally—because in Brian James O’Connell’s gloriously gory 2015 horror comedy, the cubicle drones don’t just feel like their souls are being sucked out… they actually are. … Read More “Bloodsucking Bastards (2015): Corporate Vampires and the Death of the 9-to-5 Soul” »
Destination: Regret There are movies that make you afraid to go in the water, and then there’s Bite—a movie that makes you afraid to go anywhere tropical, talk to your friends, or touch anything vaguely damp. Directed by Chad Archibald, this 2015 Canadian body-horror opus wants to crawl under your skin—literally—but ends up more like … Read More “Bite (2015): When Your Worst Honeymoon Souvenir Is a Parasitic Mutation” »
The Mask Lives On There’s a certain magic that happens when a cinematic legend refuses to hang up the mask. In Aztec Revenge (also known as Mil Mascaras: Aztec Revenge), the immortal luchador Mil Máscaras proves that charisma, camp, and heroism never go out of style. Directed by Aaron Crozier and written by Jeffrey Uhlmann, … Read More “Aztec Revenge (2015): Mil Máscaras Returns to Save the World—Again!” »
The Mockumentary That Forgot the “Scary” Part Chris Sparling’s The Atticus Institute sets out to do something clever: reimagine the possession genre through the lens of a government cover-up, presented as a faux documentary. On paper, that premise sounds chilling—a blend of The Exorcistand The Blair Witch Project filtered through The X-Files. Unfortunately, what ends … Read More “The Atticus Institute (2015): Possession by Mediocrity” »
The Long Wait for Nothing Oren Peli’s Area 51 arrived in 2015 like a UFO that had been circling too long, running out of gas, and crash-landing in the desert. After the phenomenon of Paranormal Activity in 2007, Peli was hailed as the new prophet of found footage horror—a minimalist genius who could turn shaky … Read More “Area 51 (2015): Found Footage Finally Crashes” »
The Haunted House of Mediocrity The Scarehouse opens like a thousand other horror films that thought they were being clever: a group of ex-sorority sisters get invited to a haunted attraction by their long-lost pals, and—surprise!—the attraction is the setup for revenge. What follows is ninety minutes of jump scares, cheap lighting, and dialogue … Read More “The Scarehouse (2014): A Bloody Haunted House You Wish You Could Escape From” »
Welcome to Amityville—Again. God Help Us. There are horror franchises that won’t die (Halloween), horror franchises that shouldn’t die (Evil Dead), and then there’s Amityville — the cinematic zombie that staggers out of its grave every few years with another bargain-bin sequel no one asked for. Enter The Amityville Playhouse (also known, more appropriately, as … Read More “The Amityville Playhouse (2015): A Stage Production Straight from Hell’s Community Theater” »
Slender Origins, Fatter Problems Let’s be clear right off the bat: Always Watching: A Marble Hornets Story is a film that desperately wants to be creepy, atmospheric, and psychologically disturbing. Instead, it’s the cinematic equivalent of finding a creepy pasta written by a sleep-deprived Reddit mod and filmed by a group of local-news interns who … Read More “Always Watching: A Marble Hornets Story (2015): Found Footage That Should’ve Stayed Lost Forever” »
The Trick, Not the Treat There’s a unique kind of pain reserved for watching All Hallows’ Eve 2 — the cinematic equivalent of finding a full-sized Snickers bar in your Halloween bag, unwrapping it, and discovering it’s filled with toothpaste. This 2015 anthology sequel to All Hallows’ Eve tries to resurrect the format of short, … Read More “All Hallows’ Eve 2 (2015): The Horror Anthology That Should Have Stayed Buried in the Pumpkin Patch” »
Welcome to Purgatory — Population: Regret There’s a special kind of irony in watching a film about being stuck in limbo and realizing you, the viewer, are living the exact same nightmare. AfterDeath (2015), directed by Gez Medinger and Robin Schmidt, is a horror movie that feels like punishment for crimes you don’t remember committing. … Read More “AfterDeath (2015): A Cabin, a Cloud of Smoke, and a Purgatory You’ll Wish You Could Escape From” »