The Horror of What’s on Your Plate If you’ve ever watched a true-crime documentary while eating a burger and thought, “This feels wrong, but also delicious,” then Still Life (or Naturaleza muerta) is the movie for you. Gabriel Grieco’s directorial debut is a blood-soaked Spanish-language thriller that asks the eternal question: what if animal cruelty … Read More “Still Life (2014): The Art of Murder, Meat, and Moral Hangovers” »
Love, Lust, and Light Body Horror What if Before Sunrise took a detour through a Lovecraft story? What if The Shape of Water had an existential crisis and a better script? And what if your new Italian girlfriend turned out to be an immortal tentacle creature who eats tourists between wine tastings? That, my friends, … Read More “Spring (2014): Love in the Time of Tentacles” »
Attack of the Bargain Bin Beasts There are bad movies. There are so-bad-they’re-good movies. And then there’s Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda, a film that’s so aggressively stupid it circles back around to being avant-garde. Produced by Roger Corman — the patron saint of cheap monster flicks — and directed by Kevin O’Neill (a man who clearly … Read More “Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (2014): When Science Fiction and Bad Taste Collide in Glorious Mediocrity” »
A Killer Birthday Party Ah, birthdays. A time for cake, laughter, and—if you’re really lucky—being hunted through a morgue by a seven-foot-tall religious psychopath wielding surgical tools. See No Evil 2 reminds us that no party is complete without a WWE superstar resurrected from the dead. Directed by Jen and Sylvia Soska, the delightfully twisted … Read More “See No Evil 2 (2014): The Morgue, the Merrier” »
Lost in the Woods, Found No Plot There are two kinds of found footage movies: the kind that makes you believe the footage had to be found because everyone died in a blaze of supernatural glory (The Blair Witch Project, REC, Cloverfield), and the kind where you wish someone had lost the footage on purpose. … Read More “The Rendlesham UFO Incident (2014): Beam Me Up, Boredom” »
A Slasher with a Soul (and a Scythe) Let’s be honest — by 2014, the slasher genre had been resurrected more times than its victims. From Halloween remakes to Friday the 13th reboots, horror fans were drowning in recycled killers with daddy issues. Then along came Reaper, a film that said, “What if the Grim … Read More “Reaper (2014): A Divine Comedy of Death, Sin, and Danny Trejo” »
Silence Isn’t Always Golden There’s a certain irony to The Quiet Ones: a movie that spends nearly two hours screaming in your face about the supernatural, only to end up saying absolutely nothing. Directed by John Pogue and “inspired” by the Philip Experiment (which, like most things in this film, was far more interesting in … Read More “The Quiet Ones (2014): The Loudest Bore in British Horror” »
Unearthed, Uninspired, Unwatchable If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if The Mummy had a baby with a Syfy Channel original movie and that baby was filmed entirely on a GoPro duct-taped to a camel, look no further than The Pyramid (2014). Directed by Grégory Levasseur and produced by Alexandre Aja — yes, the man … Read More “The Pyramid (2014): Curse of the Bland Mummy” »
Welcome to the Great Outdoors — Population: Idiots There are few things more refreshing than a trip into nature — the fresh air, the sounds of birds, the looming possibility that someone will steal all your belongings and mark your forehead with an X. In Preservation (2014), written and directed by Christopher Denham, that’s just … Read More “Preservation (2014): How to Lose Your Marriage, Your Brother-in-Law, and Your Sanity in One Hunting Trip” »
Marriage, Mayhem, and the End of the World When the apocalypse comes, forget the canned food, the weapons, or the fortified shelter — what you really need is a good couples’ therapist. In Plague, the 2014 Australian horror gem directed by Kostas Ouzas and Nick Kozakis, the zombies aren’t even the real monsters. That honor … Read More “Plague (2014): Love in the Time of Flesh-Eating Doom” »