The Mean One is what happens when someone says, “What if we made a horror parody of the Grinch, but forgot to be scary, funny, or remotely competent?” and then—tragically—follows through. Directed by Steven LaMorte and written by Flip and Finn Kobler, this 2022 Christmas slasher wants to be a cult classic, the kind of … Read More “How the Grinch Stole 90 Minutes of Your Life” »
Machination is a 2022 Maltese horror thriller about a woman spiraling during a global pandemic, and somehow the most frightening thing about it is the runtime. Written, produced, and directed by Sarah Jayne and Ivan Malekin, it stars Steffi Thake as Maria, an anxious, fragile soul trapped in self-isolation, surrounded by fear, memories, and metaphorical … Read More “When the Real Pandemic Is the Movie” »
Legions is the rare horror film where the apocalypse might be stopped not by a chosen one, but by a tired Argentine shaman who looks like he’d rather be napping in front of a broken fan. Written and directed by Fabián Forte, this 2022 supernatural horror-comedy is part folk horror, part family drama, and part … Read More “Demons, Dads, and State-Funded Exorcisms” »
The Lair is what happens when Neil Marshall raids his own filmography, mixes Dog Soldiers with The Descent, and then asks, “What if we added feral bio-weapons and some extremely stressed-out soldiers?” This 2022 action horror romp isn’t trying to win Oscars; it’s trying to win your inner 15-year-old who loves rubbery monsters, shouty soldiers, … Read More “Monsters, Military, and Marshall” »
Jupia isn’t just another “guy-loses-family-then-fights-a-demon” movie. It’s a Dominican dark fantasy horror film that feels like someone mashed up a grief support group, a colonial history lesson, and a haunted nursing home, then said, “Fine, but make it stylish.” Directed by José Gómez de Vargas and Julietta Rodríguez, and anchored by Rodríguez and David Maler, … Read More “Where Taíno Spirits Meet Trauma Counseling” »
23 Years Later, and I Wish He’d Stayed Asleep Every 23 years, the Creeper awakens to feed—and this time, he’s not the only one suffering. Watching Jeepers Creepers: Reborn feels like being eaten alive, but slower, and with less style. It’s the cinematic equivalent of food poisoning at a horror convention: cheap, painful, and impossible … Read More “Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022) — The Movie That Made Me Root for the Creeper” »
Welcome Back to Hell It’s been decades since Clive Barker’s Hellraiser introduced us to the sensual side of eternal torment—a BDSM fever dream of hooks, chains, and people who can’t stop touching things they shouldn’t. After years of sad sequels that ranged from mediocre to “why is this even titled Hellraiser,” director David Bruckner steps … Read More “Hellraiser (2022) — Pain, Pleasure, and the Art of Getting Stabbed by Geometry” »
Apocalypse Now… in Slow Motion Zombie movies are supposed to be fun. Gore, chaos, a few one-liners, and maybe a desperate commentary about society falling apart. But Day Zero, directed by Joey De Guzman, takes all those expectations, stuffs them into a blender, and somehow produces an apocalyptic smoothie with no flavor, no bite, and … Read More “Day Zero (2022) — Zero Brains, Zero Logic, Zero Pulse” »
Going Down? Don’t Bother. Brendan Muldowney’s The Cellar opens with the classic haunted-house setup: a family moves into a creepy old mansion that looks like it’s been waiting 200 years for its next set of victims. From the very first shot, you know this house has “Do Not Buy” energy—creaky floors, weird symbols, a basement … Read More “The Cellar (2022) — Where Logic Goes to Die, One Step at a Time” »
Hakuna Matata, My Ass Baltasar Kormákur’s Beast is the kind of movie that proves one universal truth: if you put Idris Elba in the wilderness, something’s getting punched in the face. This time, it just happens to be a 600-pound lion with anger issues and the metabolism of a tank. It’s Jaws in the savannah. … Read More “Beast (2022) — When Dad Fights a Lion and Wins (Barely)” »