Stay Out of the Script Meeting There are bad titles, and then there’s Stay Out of the Attic (or, in its full and honest form, Stay Out of the Fucking Attic). It’s less a title and more a desperate content warning that the film tragically fails to take for itself. This is one of those … Read More “Stay Out of the Attic (2020) What if a haunted house, but dumber” »
Ancient Curse, Modern Attention Span There’s a version of Skull: The Mask that sounds genuinely cool when you say it out loud at a bar:“Okay, so: a cursed Pre-Columbian mask, tied to an ancient god’s vassal, keeps reincarnating a hulking executioner who rips people apart ritual-style in modern São Paulo—while a jaded detective hunts it … Read More “Skull: The Mask (2020) Blood, guts, no brain” »
Turbulence, But Make It Narrative There’s a moment in Shadow in the Cloud where Chloë Grace Moretz’s character Maude Garrett, hanging off a World War II bomber in midair, rides an explosion like it’s a trampoline and gets flung back into the plane. If that sounds like the sort of thing you’d expect in a … Read More “Shadow in the Cloud (2020) Gremlin vs. Girlboss vs. Gravity” »
Jump-Scare? More Like Jump-Through-the-Remote There are two kinds of Tamil horror-comedy. The Kanchana kind: chaotic, loud, but at least you’re awake. The Sandimuni kind: so formulaic it feels like the ghost is haunting you for daring to press play. Directed by Milka S. Selvakumar (a former associate of Raghava Lawrence, which frankly feels like false … Read More “Sandimuni (2020) When your ghost is bored and so are you” »
Lovecraft by Way of Nordic Tourism If you’ve ever watched a glossy “Visit Norway” ad and thought, “This would be better with cults, tentacles, and a morally questionable husband,” Sacrifice is basically the answer to your very specific prayer. Based on Paul Kane’s short story Men of the Cloth, this is a compact, icy little … Read More “Sacrifice (2020) Visit Norway, join a fish cult” »
Four Adults, Zero Brain Cells The Rental is Dave Franco’s feature directorial debut, and it feels exactly like that: a polished, competently acted horror-thriller that’s absolutely convinced it’s deep while tripping over the dumbest plot decisions imaginable. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a “We need to talk” text—tense, petty, and somehow still not about anything … Read More “The Rental (2020) Airbnb, but make it stupid” »
Family Drama, Now with Black Rot If Hallmark ever produced a movie about dementia, it would probably look like a gently lit monologue about “cherishing moments.” Relic is the version where the house rots from the inside, grandma eats photos, and generational trauma crawls at you on all fours with half its face missing. Natalie … Read More “Relic (2020) Grandma’s got mold, and feelings” »
When Urban Exploration Should’ve Stayed on YouTube Ravenstein is the kind of movie that makes you nostalgic for safety disclaimers. Two dudes go poking around an abandoned worksite at night, and for once you’re not yelling “Don’t go in there!” because you’re scared—you’re yelling it because you don’t want to watch 80 more minutes of … Read More “Ravenstein (2020) Big bird, small budget, tiny payoff” »
Shhh… The Franchise Is Thinking Some sequels build on the original. A Quiet Place Part II mostly turns around in circles, whispers “remember this?” and hopes you won’t notice that the story has the nutritional content of a rice cake. John Krasinski returns to expand his “don’t step on twigs” cinematic universe, this time with … Read More “A Quiet Place Part II (2020) Because silence wasn’t painful enough” »
When Your Sequel Misses the Train There are many ways to follow up a beloved zombie classic like Train to Busan. You could deepen the themes, expand the world, or find fresh human drama in the ruins of a country overrun by the undead. Peninsula looks at all those options, shrugs, and says, “What if … Read More “Peninsula (2020) Fast & Furious: Busan Drift (worse)” »