Lights, Camera, Existential Dread Let’s get this out of the way: Found Footage 3D shouldn’t work. It’s a found footage movie about people making a found footage movie, filmed in actual 3D. It’s like The Blair Witch Project got drunk, hooked up with Scream 4, and the offspring was raised by a cynical film student … Read More “Found Footage 3D (2016): When Horror Eats Itself and Burps Up Something Brilliant” »
Slasher Cinema Gets Its Groove (and Its Grill) Back Ah, Fender Bender — the only horror movie that proves car accidents can be fatal even after you exchange insurance information. Mark Pavia’s 2016 slasher is an unapologetic love letter to 1980s terror, complete with thunderstorm lighting, teenage stupidity, and a killer whose idea of foreplay … Read More “Fender Bender (2016): When Road Rage Meets Retro Rage” »
The Devil Made Me Watch It There are bad horror movies, and then there’s The Exorcism of Anna Ecklund—a film so possessed by mediocrity that even Satan would’ve tapped out halfway through. This 2016 British “horror” flick, directed by Andrew Jones, tries to ride the coattails of The Exorcist the way a drunk pigeon tries … Read More “The Exorcism of Anna Ecklund (2016): When the Devil Possesses the Wrong Movie” »
Welcome to the Cannibal Café If you’ve ever watched Mad Max and thought, “Cool, but what if everyone in it was broke, hungry, and horny for chaos?”—then The Drifter is the film for you. Chris von Hoffmann’s 2016 post-apocalyptic nightmare is a low-budget fever dream that serves equal parts grit, grime, and grotesque glee. The … Read More “The Drifter (2016): Mad Max Meets Gordon Ramsay in the Apocalypse” »
Knock Knock — Who’s There? Absolutely No One You Care About If you’ve ever wished The Babadook had been written by someone who fell asleep halfway through The Conjuring and woke up during a bad episode of EastEnders, congratulations — Don’t Knock Twice is your new favorite disaster. Directed by Caradog W. James, this 2016 … Read More “Don’t Knock Twice (2016): Please Knock Thrice, Maybe It’ll Get Better” »
A Prank Gone Wrong (and Then Wronger) “Don’t Hang Up” is one of those horror-thrillers that feels like a cautionary tale for the YouTube generation—except the message gets buried under so many clichés, jump scares, and plot holes that the only lesson you’ll walk away with is never take a call from an unknown number. … Read More “Don’t Hang Up (2016): Please, for the Love of God, Hang Up” »
Cursed Dolls, Daddy Issues, and Delightful Carnage You know a horror movie is going to be a good time when it starts with a woman sprinting through the woods, chased by a serial killer, and ends with someone on fire next to a cursed craft project. The Devil’s Dolls (originally Worry Dolls) takes the most … Read More “The Devil’s Dolls (2016): Tiny Terrors with a Big Bite” »
The Apocalypse No One Asked For Once upon a time, in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where common sense and good filmmaking had long perished, Dead 7shambled its way onto the SyFy Channel. Written by Backstreet Boy Nick Carter—yes, you read that correctly—and produced by the cinematic sweatshop known as The Asylum, this “zombie western” is less … Read More “Dead 7 (2016): Backstreet’s Back (From the Dead)” »
A Horror-Comedy That’s Neither Horrific Nor Funny There are bad movies, and then there are movies that make you question whether you’ve somehow committed a sin in a past life to deserve watching them. Darling 2 belongs to that second category — a supernatural punishment disguised as entertainment. Directed by debutant Sathish Chandrasekaran, this supposed … Read More “Darling 2 (2016): The Sequel That Should Have Stayed Dead” »
Once Upon a Time in the Land of Poor Editing Every so often, a movie comes along that reminds you that fairy tales were originally meant to scare children. The Curse of Sleeping Beauty does that — but only because it’s so poorly written, it will haunt your dreams for all the wrong reasons. Directed … Read More “The Curse of Sleeping Beauty (2016): A Grim Fairytale That Should Have Stayed Asleep” »