Welcome to Corporate Purgatory There are bad jobs, and then there’s Office — a South Korean slasher-thriller that somehow manages to make mass murder look like the least stressful thing happening in the workplace. Directed by Hong Won-chan, Office begins with a genuinely shocking act of violence and slowly, painfully devolves into a confused hybrid … Read More ““Office” (2015): Murder, Misery, and PowerPoint Hell” »
A Love Triangle with One Too Many Heartbeats Some horror films give us ghosts that rattle chains, some give us demons that hiss Latin incantations, and then there’s Nina Forever — a film that gives us a dead girlfriend who won’t stop making fun of your new one during sex. It’s a bold choice, and … Read More ““Nina Forever” (2015): Love Never Dies, It Just Gets Snarkier” »
Welcome to the Woods — Now Abandon All Hope (and Logic) There’s a special kind of cinematic bravery required to make a found-footage horror film in 2015. Not the bravery of innovation, mind you — that ship sailed with The Blair Witch Project back when people still used flip phones. No, I mean the bravery … Read More ““Nightlight” (2015): Found Footage, Lost Plot” »
Once Upon a Time… in a Kingdom of Horrifyingly Beautiful People If you’ve ever wished that Game of Thrones had more ogres, fewer clothes, and a giant flea that gets more character development than most Netflix protagonists, Tale of Tales is your fever dream come true. Matteo Garrone’s 2015 fantasy-horror anthology is a lush, grotesque, … Read More “Tale of Tales (2015): A Deliciously Deranged Fairy Tale Banquet for the Beautifully Damned” »
The Wind That Cuts Girls and Sanity Alike If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if The Matrix, Battle Royale, and Mean Girls were fed through a woodchipper and sprinkled with existential philosophy, Tag (Real Onigokko, 2015) has your answer. And that answer is: total, chaotic, glorious nonsense—crafted by the Japanese master of the unhinged, … Read More “Tag (2015): Sion Sono’s Bloody, Brilliant, Batshit Video Game Fever Dream” »
Sinister, But Only in Name There are few things more tragic in horror cinema than a sequel that completely misunderstands what made its predecessor terrifying. Sinister (2012) was a genuinely creepy surprise—a moody, grainy descent into evil that stuck with you long after the lights came back on. Sinister 2 (2015), on the other hand, … Read More “Sinister 2 (2015): When the Boogeyman Becomes Boring” »
Once Upon a Time in the Syfy Cinematic Dumpster Some movies are so bad they’re good. Others are so bad they become performance art. Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (2015), the third and allegedly final entry in Syfy’s proud lineage of hybrid-animal atrocities, manages to be neither. It’s the cinematic equivalent of being hit with a wet … Read More “Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (2015): When Science, Sanity, and CGI All Call in Sick” »
Beach Party Apocalypse Every now and then, a horror movie comes along that’s so gloriously stupid it somehow loops back around to being entertaining. The Sand (2015), also known as Killer Beach for those who prefer truth in advertising, doesn’t make that full loop—it just digs a shallow hole in the surf and face-plants in … Read More “The Sand (2015): Where Logic Goes to Die, and So Does Everyone Else—Badly” »
When a Haunted Doll Movie Makes You Miss Chucky You know you’re in trouble when a film about a possessed doll manages to be less scary than the average episode of Antiques Roadshow. Robert (2015), written and directed by Andrew Jones, tries to cash in on that sweet, spooky-doll money earned by Annabelle—but ends up … Read More “Robert (2015): The Doll That Couldn’t Kill a Mood—Because It Already Did” »
The Apocalypse Will Be Televised You know a horror movie is onto something when its most terrifying element isn’t the zombies—it’s the fact that it feels entirely plausible. Re-Kill (2015), directed by Valeri Milev, isn’t just another undead bloodbath. It’s The Walking Deadmeets COPS with a dash of Starship Troopers propaganda. Imagine watching Fox News … Read More “Re-Kill (2015): Reality TV Just Got Its Brains Eaten” »