Directed by Nick Castle | Starring Walter Matthau, Mason Gamble, and the faint ghost of your patience
If you’ve ever wondered what it would feel like to watch a 95-minute hostage situation where an elderly man is psychologically tormented by a bleach-blonde goblin child while Christopher Lloyd lurks in the bushes like a homeless Nosferatu, congratulations: Dennis the Menace is the fever dream you didn’t ask for.
Adapted from the classic comic strip and TV show, this 1993 live-action film is what happens when a studio executive says, “What if we took Home Alone, stripped out the charm, and replaced Macaulay Culkin with a kid who looks like he’d bite your ankle and then file a noise complaint when you scream?”
The result? A sugar-addled nightmare disguised as family fun. Bring the kids, and then prepare to explain why Grandpa is weeping into his cardigan.
Dennis: The Original Domestic Terrorist
Let’s talk about the real villain here—Dennis Mitchell, played with a menacingly blank grin by Mason Gamble. This kid is not mischievous; he’s a biological weapon in OshKosh B’gosh. He destroys property, ruins careers, psychologically breaks his elderly neighbor, and never once shows remorse. Somewhere, even Damien from The Omen is watching this and going, “Damn, kid. Chill.”
He’s armed with a slingshot, a bowl cut you could land a plane on, and the kind of unchecked male energy that leads to future court dates. We’re told he’s “lovable,” but lovable kids don’t set off Rube Goldberg death traps every time an adult walks by.
Mr. Wilson: The True Tragic Hero
Walter Matthau plays George Wilson, Dennis’s long-suffering neighbor, with the weary eyes of a man who knows exactly how far into hell he’s sunk. Wilson’s life is a soft parade of gardening, naps, and a desire to be left the hell alone. Dennis, naturally, sees this peaceful old man and decides he must be obliterated emotionally and physically.
Wilson endures paint explosions, house destruction, public embarrassment, and—yes—a hemorrhoid-inducing prank involving baked beans. All of this leads up to Dennis accidentally preventing his big moment: hosting a garden party that somehow means everything to him and absolutely nothing to us.
Matthau deserves better. Hell, Grumpy Old Men deserved better.
Christopher Lloyd: This Ain’t Doc Brown
Lloyd plays the film’s antagonist—a greasy, train-hopping thief named Switchblade Sam who looks like he smells like soup and crimes. He spends most of the movie grunting, limping, and glaring at children like a meth-addicted scarecrow.
At one point, Dennis ties him up and tortures him in a tool shed with the efficiency of someone who’s definitely watched Hostel. Somehow, we’re supposed to root for this. You know, torture. In a kids’ movie.
Honestly, Lloyd’s Switchblade Sam is terrifying enough to belong in a John Carpenter flick. Every time he shows up, the tone shifts from slapstick comedy to “do not open the basement door.”
The Plot: Incoherent Noise
Plot? You mean the loose collection of gags tied together with string cheese and trauma? Here’s the gist:
Dennis causes chaos. Mr. Wilson suffers. A thief wanders into town. Dennis gets kidnapped. Dennis escapes. Mr. Wilson realizes maybe the little sociopath isn’t so bad after all.
It’s the kind of narrative arc you’d get if you handed a box of crayons and a fifth of whiskey to a raccoon.
The emotional payoff—where Mr. Wilson smiles at Dennis in the end—isn’t heartwarming. It’s Stockholm Syndrome. The man has been broken. He’s smiling the way someone does right before they walk into the sea.
The Tone: Like Being Whacked in the Face with a Sock Full of Skittles
This movie doesn’t know what it wants to be. One minute, it’s a Technicolor kiddie comedy with boingy sound effects. The next, it’s full-on horror movie vibes with Lloyd lurking in shadows like he’s about to whisper “Want to see a dead body?” The tonal whiplash is so severe, you’ll need a neck brace by the time the credits roll.
Worse still, the gags aren’t even that funny. They’re mean. Kids will laugh, sure, because someone fell down or got soaked with paint. But adults will watch it and wonder why the only people being punished are the innocent ones.
Martha Wilson: America’s Most Patient Woman
Joan Plowright plays Mr. Wilson’s wife, Martha, who should have divorced George years ago, if only to escape Dennis. She coos and giggles at the child like he’s a blessing instead of the root cause of their mounting property damage. Her role is to act as the film’s only moral compass, which is kind of like being a traffic light in Mad Max.
Set Design and Soundtrack: 1950s by Way of a Theme Park Vomit Comet
The setting is an overly sanitized, pastel-soaked suburbia that feels more fake than a used car commercial. It’s supposed to evoke the classic Americana of the original comic, but instead it resembles a suburban cult compound where everyone’s one dental appointment away from a meltdown.
The soundtrack is your typical “whimsy in C major” fare—bells, strings, and the occasional kazoo—all trying desperately to convince you this movie is “fun” while an old man gets nearly concussed by a falling grill.
Final Diagnosis: This Is Why Boomers Yell at Clouds
Dennis the Menace is the cinematic equivalent of stepping on a LEGO barefoot: loud, pointless, and likely to leave you with lasting emotional damage. It takes the beloved comic-strip chaos of Dennis and turns it into a child-shaped wrecking ball aimed straight at your sanity.
Walter Matthau deserves an honorary Oscar for not strangling the kid on camera. Christopher Lloyd deserves an apology. And you, dear viewer, deserve better than this 90-minute descent into shrieking, slapstick madness.
Rating: 3/10 — May God have mercy on Mr. Wilson’s soul.
