If The Exorcist went to a rave, did a handful of ecstasy, and woke up inside a haunted asylum full of hormonal idiots — you’d get Exeter. Directed by Marcus Nispel (the same madman who brought us the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and Pathfinder), this film is not so much a horror movie as it is a supernatural frat party that refuses to die.
It’s loud, it’s stupid, it’s over-the-top — and it’s weirdly fun.
1. Welcome to Exeter: The Rehab Center from Hell
Our story begins in the world’s least reassuring abandoned asylum — the Exeter School for the Feeble Minded. Yes, that’s its real name. Subtlety packed its bags decades ago. The place has a history of abuse, lobotomies, and supernatural nonsense — in other words, the perfect Airbnb for a Blumhouse horror flick.
Patrick (Kelly Blatz) is a sweet kid with bad judgment, working with Father Conway (Stephen Lang, a priest who looks like he bench presses guilt) to restore the place. Conway wants Patrick to go to college. Patrick wants to go anywhere but back to Sunday school.
When the priest leaves for the weekend, Patrick’s friends — a discount cast of MTV archetypes — show up with drugs, alcohol, and enough stupidity to summon Satan himself. They throw a party so loud it could wake the dead. Spoiler: it does.
2. Teenagers: The True Villains of Horror
Once the keg’s dry and the music fades, the survivors of the party decide to entertain themselves the only way horror teens know how — by performing fake occult rituals in a haunted asylum.
“Let’s levitate my little brother,” someone says, which in this cinematic universe is code for “We’re all going to die horribly.” Naturally, they pick Rory, a scrawny kid whose face screams “possession bait.”
The levitation works — because of course it does — and Rory immediately starts drooling, chanting in Latin, and attempting murder. It’s not even ten minutes into the possession and the kid’s already outperforming half the cast of The Conjuring 2.
Patrick, the responsible one, decides to call a priest. Everyone else votes for “let’s Google it.” They find a DIY exorcism guide online, proving once and for all that YouTube University is the true road to Hell.
3. Possession: It’s Contagious Now
Soon the group discovers that the possession is spreading faster than bad Wi-Fi. Rory snaps out of it, but now Amber — the token blonde party girl — starts vomiting evil and snapping necks like she’s auditioning for a Cirque du Satan act.
One by one, the group is picked off by demonic forces, supernatural traps, and their own breathtaking incompetence. There’s death by pickaxe, self-impalement, and — my personal favorite — the “accidental priest murder.” That’s right, they literally run over Father Conway with their car while trying to escape.
You can’t make this stuff up. Well, technically someone did, but you get the idea.
4. Stephen Lang: The Only One Who Knew He Was in a Horror Movie
Stephen Lang’s Father Conway is the film’s moral compass — which is like saying the eye of a hurricane is “the calm part.” He’s gruff, self-righteous, and so committed to his role that you can practically see him wondering how he ended up in a movie where teens Google exorcisms.
Lang brings gravitas to scenes that deserve none. When he solemnly warns Patrick that God has a plan for him, it’s easy to believe — right up until that plan involves getting lit on fire.
Because yes, dear reader, this priest’s final sermon ends with spontaneous combustion. It’s poetic justice and peak Nispel absurdity all rolled into one flaming cleric.
5. The Plot Twist: Daddy Issues from Beyond the Grave
Midway through the carnage, we learn that the demon tormenting our heroes isn’t just any spirit — it’s Devon, the long-lost child of Father Conway. Because nothing says “family values” like a ghost seeking revenge over unresolved abandonment trauma.
Devon possesses people, murders a few teens, and manipulates Patrick into killing Conway — her own father. When Patrick realizes this, he looks like a man who just realized he’s been playing chess against Satan and losing.
The twist is ridiculous, yes, but also strangely effective. It’s melodramatic soap opera horror at its finest — Days of Our Lives: The Exorcism Chronicles.
6. The Aesthetic: Catholic Guilt Meets Cocaine
Marcus Nispel doesn’t do subtle. This is the man who made Jason Voorhees look like a Calvin Klein model. In Exeter, every frame drips with grime, neon light, and unearned confidence.
There’s constant camera movement, flashing lights, and a soundtrack that sounds like a rave being held in a confessional booth. The asylum itself is less a location and more a character — decrepit, gothic, and somehow still cleaner than the average frat house.
Nispel’s direction embraces the chaos. He knows exactly what kind of movie he’s making: one where exorcisms involve dropkicks, crucifixes are optional, and demons have better lighting than the humans.
7. The Characters: Beautiful Idiots in Peril
The kids are, unsurprisingly, not bright. They’re the kind of people who think Ouija boards are safe as long as you spell “please.”
-
Patrick is the noble hero archetype — the guy who always says, “We need to stick together!” right before everyone dies.
-
Reign (Brittany Curran), the mysterious goth girl, knows way too much about the occult to be trusted — and for good reason.
-
Amber is the blonde disaster who turns from cheerleader to demon like she’s switching skincare brands.
-
Rory, the little brother, starts as comic relief and ends as a spiritual conduit for Hell.
-
Brian and Brad? Let’s just say if Darwin watched this movie, he’d nod approvingly.
You don’t watch Exeter for these characters — you watch to see how they’ll creatively implode.
8. A Masterclass in “So Dumb It’s Brilliant”
There’s something weirdly admirable about how hard Exeter commits to its absurdity. When the teens perform an exorcism using a cell phone app, the movie doesn’t wink or apologize. It just barrels forward, possessed by its own manic energy.
It’s trash horror with ambition — the kind that knows it’s ridiculous but insists on going 110% anyway. The gore is gleefully cartoonish, the dialogue gloriously bad (“We can fix this, I saw it on YouTube!”), and the pacing relentless.
By the time Reign reveals she’s the vengeful ghost all along, you’re too entertained to care that it makes zero sense. You’re just along for the ride — and possibly the afterlife.
9. The Ending: Hell Hath No Closure
The final moments deliver exactly what you expect and still manage to make you cackle. Patrick traps Reign/Devon in a box as the asylum burns down around him. Victory? Sure — until the cops arrive, find the box, and discover it’s empty.
It’s the perfect ending for a movie like this: no logic, no resolution, just one last jump scare and a sense of spiritual indigestion.
10. Final Thoughts: Blessed and a Little Possessed
Exeter is the cinematic equivalent of shotgunning a Monster energy drink and reading the Bible backward. It’s chaotic, stupid, and oddly endearing — a supernatural carnival of sin where theology and teenage idiocy collide.
Is it scary? Occasionally. Is it smart? Absolutely not. But is it entertaining? Hallelujah, yes.
Marcus Nispel’s direction embraces the ridiculous with the confidence of a man who’s never met a cliché he didn’t like. Stephen Lang anchors the madness with the conviction of an actor who deserves a raise. And the rest of the cast? They scream, bleed, and die with gusto.
If you want deep, meaningful horror, go watch The Witch. If you want to see a bunch of stoned teenagers accidentally summon the Antichrist in a haunted asylum while the walls bleed dubstep — Exeter is your unholy sacrament.
Rating: 8/10 — A blessed mess of demons, drugs, and divine stupidity.
