Introduction: The Slasher on Skis
Most slashers take place in sleepy suburbs, summer camps, or sorority houses. Iced said, “Hold my hot toddy” and shoved the formula up a snowy mountain. The result? A 1989 VHS-era gem where ski poles are weapons, icicles are murder tools, and hot tubs aren’t for relaxing—they’re for electrocution.
Directed by Jeff Kwitny and written by Joseph Alan Johnson (who also plays the villain, because if you want it done wrong, do it yourself), Iced is the kind of movie where the snow is fake, the acting is faker, and the body count is the only thing climbing higher than the slopes. While it didn’t exactly change the slasher genre, it did prove that even in subzero weather, horror clichés can sweat.
The Setup: Death by Après-Ski
The movie begins with a flashback to the tragic ski accident of Jeff Stinson, a lovesick loser who, after being spurned by Diane (one of the group’s resident drama magnets), dramatically skis into death. The group of friends assumes suicide. I assume bad skiing. Either way, Jeff dies and the movie fast-forwards four years.
Now, our cast of couples and hangers-on are invited to an exclusive ski resort owned by real estate developer Alex Bourne, who looks like he should be selling condos in Miami rather than luring people into murder. The group arrives at the chalet, drinks, bickers about Jeff, and wonders why on earth they accepted invitations to a place with décor straight out of a ski-lodge Sears catalog.
But, of course, someone is watching them. Someone in a ski mask. Someone with a vendetta colder than the Utah shooting location. And yes—it’s Jeff’s buddy Alex, proving once again that “mysterious invitations to a remote lodge” is never a good premise for a vacation.
The Characters: Snow Bunnies and Meat Popsicles
The cast is a glorious catalog of ‘80s stereotypes, each written with all the nuance of a ski trail map.
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Trina (Debra De Liso): The guilt-ridden Final Girl, still hung up on Jeff’s death. She’s the only one with enough emotional range to look appropriately horrified at both dead bodies and the décor.
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Cory (Doug Stevenson): Trina’s boyfriend, bland enough to blend into the snow. He survives only because someone needed to hold the revolver.
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John and Diane: A doctor and his lover, doomed not by malpractice but by being unlikable. John gets impaled through the throat with a ski pole, which feels like a medical metaphor.
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Jeanette (Lisa Loring, yes—Wednesday Addams all grown up): Hot tub enthusiast, seductress, and human toast after the killer throws an electric heater into her bath.
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Carl: The nervous guy plagued by Jeff nightmares, who ends up in a bear trap. It’s the movie’s way of saying, “You should’ve stayed home.”
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Eddie: Dies early with a snowplow. Blink and you’ll miss him, but you won’t miss his acting.
Every slasher needs fodder. Iced delivers six-pack-style: half the pack useless, all of them gone before the end credits.
The Kills: Creativity in Cold Weather
If there’s one thing to praise about Iced, it’s the commitment to holiday-themed violence. Unlike lazy slashers that rely only on knives, this movie goes full winter wonderland with its weaponry.
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Ski Pole Impalement: John gets a pole straight through the throat. Consider it the world’s deadliest slalom.
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Icicle Stabbing: Diane is stabbed with a giant icicle, which is both festive and practical.
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Hot Tub Electrocution: Jeanette becomes spa soup thanks to a heater. Friday the 13th Part 2 called—it wants its kill back.
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Bear Trap and Revolver Misfire: Carl manages to get caught, accidentally shoot himself, and still look surprised.
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Kitchen Stabbing: Cory gets shanked mid-midnight snack. Proof that nothing good ever comes from late-night eating.
Each death is gory, campy, and hilarious in its execution—sometimes literally. This is the kind of movie where you don’t mourn the victims; you applaud the creativity.
The Killer: Jeff’s Friend, Jeff’s Legacy, Jeff’s Ski Mask
Eventually, the masked murderer is revealed as Alex Bourne, the real estate mogul who invited them all to his murder chalet. His motive? He was Jeff’s friend, found his body years ago, and lost his leg in the process. He’s bitter, disabled, and angry that his Olympic skiing dreams died with his shinbone.
So naturally, he spends years plotting revenge, building mailing lists, and ordering custom ski masks, just to lure his late friend’s acquaintances into the mountains. The reveal is less shocking twist and more desperate shrug, but at least Alex sells his monologues with a straight face.
Also, kudos to Johnson for writing himself into the film as both producer and killer. Nothing screams “trust issues” like literally scripting yourself to be the most important person on screen.
Production Value: Snow-Cheap
Shot in Utah’s Big Cottonwood Canyon, Iced makes the most of its setting—meaning it points a camera at snow and hopes for the best. Interiors look like a mid-range ski lodge that rents rooms by the hour, and the night shots are so murky you half expect a raccoon to jump out instead of a killer.
The budget was clearly spent on fake blood and beer for the crew. And while actress Debra De Liso admitted the script was originally intended to have more suspense and humor, what made it onscreen is like a watered-down toddy: warm in concept, but cold and bitter in execution.
The Ending: Snowman Surprise
The climax sees Alex unmasked, Trina screaming, and Cory barely managing to shoot the killer. It should’ve ended there, but Iced wasn’t done embarrassing itself.
In a final scene, years later, Trina and Cory are happily married with a daughter. The little girl builds a snowman. It bleeds from the eye socket, then Alex bursts out like Frosty the Snowfiend. It’s either a dream, a sequel hook, or the filmmakers realizing they needed one last gag to justify the runtime.
Either way, it’s as dumb as it sounds. And it sounds very dumb.
Dark Humor Highlights
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Imagine surviving Jeff’s melodramatic ski death just to be killed by an icicle. Nature has a sense of humor.
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Jeanette seduces Alex, the killer, only to get fried in a hot tub. This is what happens when you mistake real estate developers for safe bets.
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Carl sets up booby traps but ends up trapping himself. Home Alone this ain’t.
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Alex’s motive—“I lost my leg saving Jeff!”—is both tragic and deeply stupid. There’s therapy for that, dude.
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The snowman finale looks like something borrowed from Are You Afraid of the Dark? if Nickelodeon had a liquor budget.
Final Verdict: So Bad, It’s Ice-Cold Good
Iced is a product of its era: cheap, sleazy, and brimming with half-baked ambition. Yet despite its flaws—or maybe because of them—it’s oddly entertaining. It doesn’t scare, but it does make you laugh at how far a slasher will go for originality. Ski poles, icicles, hot tubs, bear traps—Iced throws the winter kitchen sink at you, and the result is campy fun.
It’s not high art, but it is high-altitude horror. If you’re snowed in with nothing but a VHS player, some cocoa, and a tolerance for bad acting, Iced might just keep you warm—with laughter.
