There’s a version of The Mouse Trap that could’ve been gleefully unhinged: a grimy Canadian slasher where a bootleg Steamboat Willie crawls out of copyright hell and starts shanking twenty-somethings between skee-ball machines. Instead, we get this version—an 80-minute shrug that proves even murder in a Mickey mask can be boring if you try hard … Read More “The Mouse Trap” »
There are bad zombie movies. There are bad romantic comedies. And then, once in a cursed blue moon, the fates align to produce a movie that is somehow the worst of both. Enter My Zombabe — the cinematic equivalent of leaving a fish out in the sun for a week and then trying to sculpt … Read More “My Zombabe (2024): A Romcom So Brain-Dead It May Already Be One of Its Own Zombies” »
Every few years, a horror movie comes along that tries to be so Serious, so Profound, so Full of Meaning that it forgets to actually be… well… good. The Moogai is that movie. It’s the cinematic equivalent of mixing an important history lesson with a haunted house ride and accidentally unplugging the haunted house. Based … Read More “The Moogai (2024) A Horror Film So Slow Even the Ghost Seems Bored” »
Every so often, Hollywood coughs up a family-friendly horror-adventure that reminds us of the golden age of “kids on bikes doing highly unsafe things while adults behave incompetently.” Monster Summer is that cough — a warm, nostalgic phlegm-ball of summer vibes, creature chaos, and Mel Gibson wandering around like he just escaped from a neighboring … Read More “Monster Summer (2024) A Surprisingly Charming Creature Feature That Feels Like Spielberg Ate Too Much Cotton Candy and Decided to Get Weird” »
There is a moment early in MaXXXine when Maxine Minx crushes a man’s testicles in an alleyway with the confidence of someone stepping on a grape at a winery. If you enjoy that moment, congratulations — it’s the last time the movie feels remotely alive. Everything that follows is a slow, neon-drenched collapse, like watching … Read More “MaXXXine (2024) A Slasher Sequel That Tries to Kill the 80s, the Audience, and Its Own Franchise — in That Order” »
Some horror films shake you. Some unsettle you. Some linger in your bloodstream like a fever.And then there’s In Our Blood, a movie that’s less “horror” and more “annoying home video your friend forces you to watch even though you just wanted nachos.” Found footage is supposed to feel raw — gritty — like you … Read More “In Our Blood (2024) A Found Footage Horror Film So Bland It Should’ve Stayed Lost in the Woods Forever” »
There are films that start strong and keep their momentum. There are films that start slow and build to greatness. And then there’s Immaculate, a movie that gives you one of the most horrifying, masterfully executed coffin scenes ever put to screen—and then spends the rest of its runtime face-planting repeatedly like a nun in … Read More “Immaculate (2024) A Movie That Opens Like a Devilish Masterpiece… Then Immediately Decides “Nah, Let’s Be Terrible Instead.”” »
Every now and then, a horror film comes along that politely taps you on the shoulder, whispers “death is inevitable,” and then quietly rearranges your emotional internal furniture. Handling the Undead is that movie — the kind of arthouse zombie drama that makes you feel guilty for ever complaining about anything, even the weather. Directed … Read More “Handling the Undead (2024) A Beautiful, Bleak, Emotionally Pulverizing Norwegian Zombie Film… With Just Enough Dark Humor to Remind You You’re Still Alive” »
Every so often, a movie comes along that blends horror, fantasy, and drama into something new, bold, and unforgettable. Gu also attempts that, but mostly ends up blending them the way a toddler blends three flavors of ice cream: into one brown, drippy, indistinguishable mess. Manu Radhakrishnan’s Gu promises a “psycho emotional drama” centered on … Read More “Gu (2024) A Horror Film So Slow-Burn It Burns Out Before It Starts” »
If you’ve ever thought, “What if Mean Girls and The Fly had a baby raised on expired skincare products?”, then congratulations: Grafted (2024) is exactly the movie you should avoid. Marketed as a “coming-of-age body horror,” it ends up functioning more as a warning to every university admissions office: stop handing out research lab access … Read More “Grafted (2024) A Coming-of-Age Story Nobody Asked For, Wrapped in Other People’s Faces” »