Welcome to the Discount Amityville There are haunted house movies… and then there’s 616 Wilford Lane, which plays like someone watched The Amityville Horror, forgot half of it, rewrote the rest from memory after three beers, and then cast whoever was free that weekend. Directed by Mark S. Allen and Dante Yore, this film follows … Read More “616 Wilford Lane (2021) Because every bad horror movie needs a haunted Zillow listing” »
Demon Eyes, Human Yawns The 8th Night should be awesome on paper. You’ve got: A Buddhist-flavored apocalypse myth about a demon with two eyes sealed 2,500 years ago. A grumpy exorcist monk with a tragic past. A sweet rookie monk with a destiny complex. Possessions, shamans, talismans, and ancient caskets. That’s a solid supernatural buffet. … Read More “The 8th Night (2021) Seven days of buildup, one night of “wait, what?”” »
Lifetime Movie Meets Syfy Channel Meets Wet Cryptid What Lies Below is the answer to a question no one asked:“What if The Shape of Water was remade as a horny, poorly written Lifetime thriller, and then someone remembered at the last minute it was supposed to be horror?” Written and directed by Braden R. Duemmler, … Read More “What Lies Below (2020) Hot fish guy, zero brain cells” »
#Content, But Make It a Movie There are films. There are YouTube videos. Unsubscribe is what happens when those two things accidentally merge in a Zoom lobby and no one has the heart to hit “Leave Meeting.” Directed by Christian Nilsson and fronted by YouTuber Eric Tabach, Unsubscribe is a 29-minute “horror” short in which … Read More “Unsubscribe (2020) When the real horror is clout” »
When the Earth Sends a Strongly Worded Email If you’ve ever watched the news, heard the word “fracking,” and thought, “Okay, but what if the land just snapped one day and fought back?” Unearth is the movie that leans forward and whispers, “Buddy, it would be gross.” Directed by John C. Lyons and Dorota Swies, … Read More “Unearth (2020) Fracking: now with bonus fungus” »
Fungi, Feelings, and a Really Bad Wake-Up Call If you’ve ever woken up groggy, disoriented, and covered in tubes and thought, “I’ve got to stop agreeing to clinical trials,” Tin Can is your movie. Seth A. Smith’s claustrophobic sci-fi horror is a strange, unnerving little gem that feels like it was grown in a petri … Read More “Tin Can (2020) Cryosleep, robot bodies, and the world’s worst HR policy” »
Writer’s Block: The Movie Some horror films are scary. Some are fun. They Live Inside Us is what happens when you lock “writer’s block” in a room and point a camera at it for 90 minutes. This American indie horror, written and directed by Michael Ballif, adapts an episode of The Witching Season anthology and … Read More “They Live Inside Us (2020) When the horror is your own screenplay” »
A Makeover Gone Murderously Right If you’ve ever sat in a salon chair, stared at yourself under those fluorescent lights and thought, “Wow, this is a vulnerable position to be in,” The Stylist is here to confirm: yes, and also your hairdresser might be imagining how your scalp would look on her wall. Jill Gevargizian’s … Read More “The Stylist (2020) Bad hair day, worse coping mechanisms” »
Stay Out of the Script Meeting There are bad titles, and then there’s Stay Out of the Attic (or, in its full and honest form, Stay Out of the Fucking Attic). It’s less a title and more a desperate content warning that the film tragically fails to take for itself. This is one of those … Read More “Stay Out of the Attic (2020) What if a haunted house, but dumber” »
Ancient Curse, Modern Attention Span There’s a version of Skull: The Mask that sounds genuinely cool when you say it out loud at a bar:“Okay, so: a cursed Pre-Columbian mask, tied to an ancient god’s vassal, keeps reincarnating a hulking executioner who rips people apart ritual-style in modern São Paulo—while a jaded detective hunts it … Read More “Skull: The Mask (2020) Blood, guts, no brain” »