Hoax: Bigfoot, Bad TV, and an Even Worse Movie There’s a special corner of horror hell reserved for movies that manage to waste both a fun premise and Bigfoot. Hoax(a.k.a. Bigfoot if you want the spoiler right in the title) is one of those: a 2019 creature feature that desperately wants to be an 80s … Read More “Hoax (a.k.a. Bigfoot if you want the spoiler right in the title)” »
Cursed Objects: Now Including Your Movie Ticket There’s a moment, about 40 minutes into The Grudge (2019/2020, depending on which country you suffered in), when you realize the real curse isn’t Kayako’s rage ghost—it’s studio horror brand management. Nicolas Pesce’s soft-reboot-side-quel-prequel-whatever is the cinematic equivalent of reheating leftovers from 2004, scraping off the mold, and … Read More “The Grudge (2019/2020, depending on which country you suffered in)” »
Home Is Where the Slime Is There are haunted house movies, and then there’s Girl on the Third Floor—a film that takes the classic “fixer-upper with a dark past” premise and asks, “Okay, but what if the house was also a bodily-fluid-based performance artist?” Travis Stevens’ 2019 feature debut isn’t just another spooky mortgage cautionary … Read More “Girl on the Third Floor” »
“Fortuna Lake” is the sort of movie that makes you double-check your remote to see if you’ve accidentally clicked on ‘Random Generic Streaming Trash’ instead of an actual film. It’s a Colombian horror outing shot at a beautiful lake and then determined—furiously determined—to do absolutely nothing interesting with it. If atmospheric locations could unionize, La … Read More “Opening Credits: “Previously, on Every Low-Budget Horror Ever…”” »
If you’ve ever thought, “Found-footage horror is fine, but what if it also roasted YouTube culture, true-crime obsessives, and Quebec winters at the same time?” — Curse of Aurore is very much your cursed little USB stick. This is one of those movies that sounds generic on paper—dark web mystery box, lost footage, dead child, … Read More “Curse of Aurore” »
If you ever watched the original The Craft and thought, “This is great, but what if the witches had group chats, queer rep, and a stepdad who listens to podcasts about masculinity?” — The Craft: Legacy is basically that wish, monkey’s-paw style. It’s messy, it’s earnest, it’s kinda dorky, and yet… it’s also weirdly lovable. … Read More “The Craft: Legacy” »
If you’ve ever watched a franchise slowly wither in the sun and thought, “You know what this needs? Another reboot no one asked for,” then Children of the Corn (2020) is absolutely your cursed harvest. Kurt Wimmer’s take on Stephen King’s already over-farmed short story is the twelfth entry in a series that’s been milked … Read More “Children of the Corn (2020)” »
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if someone mashed Are You Afraid of the Dark? with a Spirit Halloween clearance bin and then sprinkled in two horror legends as human air fresheners, The Call (2020) is your answer. Unfortunately, the answer is “not much” – except a lot of yelling, fog, and regret. Set … Read More “The Call (2020)” »
If you’ve ever thought, “Rehab seems intense, but what if it also had a discount Hellraiser villain and the editing of a student film made entirely on energy drinks?” then C.L.E.A.N. is here to answer a question absolutely nobody asked. This 2020 Croatian horror-thriller from Vjekoslav Katusin tries to tackle addiction, trauma, experimental brain science, … Read More “C.L.E.A.N.” »
If you’ve ever watched a ‘60s B-movie and thought, “This is amazing, but what if everyone involved knew exactly how ridiculous it is?”, then The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (2020) is pretty much your love language. Derek Carl’s remake of the 1962 cult oddity doesn’t try to “fix” the original so much as lovingly drag … Read More “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (2020)” »