“Siri, How Long Do I Have Left to Live?” If you ever thought your phone battery dying was the scariest thing that could happen to you, Countdown begs to differ. This 2019 supernatural “tech horror” from Justin Dec imagines a world where an app predicts the exact time of your death—then delivers on it. It’s … Read More “Countdown (2019): There’s an App for That—Unfortunately” »
The Vampire Film That Might Be Lying to You Mickey Reece’s Climate of the Hunter isn’t your average bloodsucker flick. There are no slick leather jackets, no fanged goths brooding in nightclubs, and no CGI bats flapping dramatically through the moonlight. Instead, it’s a retro fever dream where vampires might not even exist, and the … Read More “Climate of the Hunter (2019): Blood, Wine, and Existential Ennui in a 1970s Cabin” »
A New Kind of Chucky: Now With Bluetooth Murder Connectivity The 2019 remake of Child’s Play begins with an audacious premise: what if Chucky wasn’t a possessed doll inhabited by a serial killer’s soul, but just a really pissed-off piece of smart home technology? You know, like your Roomba after you accidentally kicked it. Director … Read More “Child’s Play (2019): When Your Wi-Fi Goes to Hell and Takes Your Childhood With It” »
“Based on a True Story” — And Loosely on the Concept of Entertainment Every summer, Shark Week brings us documentaries reminding viewers that sharks are majestic, misunderstood creatures—not mindless killing machines. Then Discovery Channel went, “You know what would really sell this conservation message? A movie where sharks turn people into floating tapas.” Thus was … Read More “Capsized: Blood in the Water (2019): When Shark Week Decided It Needed a Hallmark Movie” »
The Boy Who Fell From the Sky — and Straight Into a Slasher Film If Man of Steel and The Omen had a love child that grew up on a steady diet of Red Bull and nihilism, you’d get Brightburn. Directed by David Yarovesky and produced by James Gunn, this is the superhero movie that … Read More “Brightburn (2019): When Superman Decides Humanity Isn’t Worth the Effort” »
When the Magic Mushrooms Wear Off Sequels are tricky. Sometimes they deepen the story (Aliens), sometimes they ruin it (Jaws: The Revenge), and sometimes, like The Blue Elephant 2, they just sort of wander around muttering about demons and prophecies until everyone in the audience loses the will to live. Directed by Marwan Hamed, The … Read More “The Blue Elephant 2 (2019): A Circus of Chaos Where the Elephant Forgot Its Tricks” »
The Dead Don’t Die—But the Colonized Don’t Either If George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead gave us social horror about racism, Jeff Barnaby’s Blood Quantum kicks the genre’s rotting door clean off its hinges. It’s the zombie apocalypse—only this time, the Indigenous people are immune, and the white survivors are the ones begging … Read More “Blood Quantum (2019): Zombies, Colonizers, and the Apocalypse the Earth Probably Deserves” »
Deck the Halls with Mediocrity Ah, Black Christmas (2019) — the third iteration of a film that refuses to stay buried, much like the frat boys it keeps trying to set on fire. Directed by Sophia Takal and produced by Blumhouse, this remake of a remake is what happens when a slasher movie takes a … Read More “Black Christmas (2019): The Gift Nobody Asked For, Wrapped in Wokeness and Glitter Glue” »
The Haunting of Flat Dialogue and Flat Lighting Every now and then, a film comes along that reminds you horror isn’t just about monsters, curses, or things that go bump in the night—it’s also about what happens when your popcorn goes cold halfway through and you still have 70 minutes to go. Bhoot Chaturdashi (2019), … Read More “Bhoot Chaturdashi (2019): A Ghost Story So Bland It Needs an Exorcism of Its Own” »
Thou Shalt Not Bore If you’ve ever sat through a sermon that went on too long, where the priest started sweating and the air conditioner broke, congratulations — you’ve already survived Banal. Directed by Peter Abanna, this 2019 Philippine psychological horror film takes the sacred and turns it into something far more terrifying: a 90-minute … Read More “Banal (2019): The Holy Horror of Nothing Happening” »