Beauty, Madness, and Glittery Doom If you’ve ever stared into the abyss and thought, “Wow, the abyss could use better lighting,” Annihilation is the film for you. Directed by Alex Garland — who clearly decided Ex Machina wasn’t anxiety-inducing enough — this 2018 science fiction horror film is what happens when you cross Jurassic Park, … Read More ““Annihilation” — When the Universe’s Midlife Crisis Looks This Good, Who Needs Therapy?” »
A Title That Doubles as a Threat Some movies promise darkness; All Light Will End promises extinction. Sadly, the light that goes out isn’t metaphorical — it’s the one inside your soul after enduring 85 minutes of this existential punishment disguised as a psychological thriller. Written and directed by Chris Blake in his feature debut … Read More ““All Light Will End” — If Only It Had Ended Sooner” »
Welcome to 1921, Where Ghosts Have More Patience Than the Audience There are few films that can make you question not only your life choices but the very concept of cinema itself. 1921, directed by Vikram Bhatt, does both — with the calm, relentless efficiency of a slow-moving séance conducted by tax auditors. This is … Read More ““1921” — The Year Horror Died (of Boredom)” »
The Horror of Having Wishes and No Brain Cells Ah, Wish Upon — a film that poses one of life’s most important philosophical questions: What if the Monkey’s Paw met a high schooler with TikTok-level decision-making skills? Directed by John R. Leonetti, the same man who brought us Annabelle (so, you know, he has experience … Read More ““Wish Upon” — Be Careful What You Wish For, Especially if It’s This Movie” »
A Real Horror Story: Teenagers with a Ouija Board Let’s start with the facts: Verónica (2017) is based on a “true story.” That phrase alone should make any seasoned horror fan chuckle nervously, because we all know “true story” in horror lingo usually translates to “we found a police report, added some demons, and sprinkled … Read More ““Verónica” — A Séance, a Solar Eclipse, and the Best Period Horror Since Carrie” »
Reincarnation of Regret There are few cinematic experiences quite like Upendra Matte Baa (translation: Come Again, Upendra), and I mean that in the way one might describe a stubborn case of food poisoning — once is plenty, but it insists on returning. Directed by N. Arun Lokanath, this supernatural drama-slash-family film-slash-ghost comedy is a remake … Read More ““Upendra Matte Baa” — Ghost Dad, But Make It Masala” »
Blumhouse Presents: Discount “Hereditary” with a Coupon for Mediocrity If there’s one thing Blumhouse knows how to do, it’s make horror movies cheap. But sometimes, cheap isn’t clever — it’s just cheap. Enter Totem (2017), a film that feels like it was made from spare parts found behind the set of Paranormal Activity 3 and … Read More ““Totem” — When Ghosts, Teenagers, and Bad Writing Collide” »
Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter This Temple There are bad horror movies. Then there are movies like Temple (2017), which redefine badness as a kind of metaphysical state — not just a film you watch, but a slow spiritual death you experience. Directed by cinematographer-turned-director Michael Barrett (in his first and, mercifully, only attempt … Read More ““Temple” — The Horror Movie That Proves Cultural Exchange Isn’t Always a Good Idea” »
Sin, Forensics, and the Catholic Guilt Trip of the Year If Smaller and Smaller Circles were a person, it’d be that one Jesuit professor who terrifies you with his intellect, heals your soul with empathy, and then gently reminds you that life, like Payatas, is just a mountain of garbage occasionally hiding something sacred. Raya … Read More ““Smaller and Smaller Circles” — A Murder Mystery That Cuts Deeper Than Flesh” »
When Sharks Fly, Logic Dies Let’s begin with a confession: I did not expect Sharknado 5: Global Swarming to be good. I did, however, expect it to be fun. I thought maybe, just maybe, it would deliver the same cheap-thrill, drunk-at-2-a.m. joy that comes from watching sharks whip through the air while Ian Ziering yells … Read More ““Sharknado 5: Global Swarming” — Proof That Humanity Deserves Extinction” »