At this point, the Amityville franchise isn’t so much a series as it is a cry for help. Every year, a new low-budget film emerges, stapling the cursed address “112 Ocean Avenue” onto whatever half-baked idea a director found under their couch. Enter Amityville: No Escape — a found footage film that proves the only … Read More “Amityville: No Escape (2016) — A Found Footage Film That Should’ve Stayed Lost” »
You know a horror franchise has gone too far when the latest entry replaces haunted houses with haunted Happy Meal toys. Welcome to The Amityville Legacy, a movie so low-budget it makes public-access TV look like The Conjuring. It’s the fifteenth Amityville-inspired film — yes, fifteenth — and if that doesn’t terrify you, nothing will. … Read More “The Amityville Legacy (2016): The Horror Franchise That Refuses to Die, Like a Possessed Monkey Toy” »
Who needs a study abroad program when you can enroll in a Malaysian university haunted by spirits, djinn, and possibly your own emotional baggage? Welcome to Aliff Dalam 7 Dimensi — where ghost hunting counts as extra credit and friendship is just another word for “we’re all going to die together.” Welcome to University Kebangsaan … Read More “Aliff Dalam 7 Dimensi (2016): Paranormal University — Where Midterms Are the Least of Your Nightmares” »
Hemophilia and Hemlock: A Father’s Worst Weekend Tommy Stovall’s Aaron’s Blood is the kind of film that starts with promise: a grieving single father, a sick child, and an ominous blood disorder that may or may not involve ancient evil. You can practically hear the spooky trailer voiceover — “He wanted to save his son… … Read More “Aaron’s Blood (2016): The Vampire Movie That Forgot to Have a Pulse” »
A Tropical Getaway Straight to Hell Fathimath Nahula and Ahmed Sinan’s 4426 isn’t your typical Maldivian postcard fantasy. There are no drone shots of pristine beaches or romantic walks at sunset. Instead, we get dread-soaked jungle paths, ominous whispers, and a constant feeling that someone—or something—just photobombed your vacation from Hell. The setup is deceptively … Read More “4426 (2016): The Curse, The Coral, and the Chaos of Maldivian Horror” »
Step Right Up to the Carnival of Carnage Rob Zombie’s 31 opens like a deranged carnival ride that’s already halfway off the tracks. It’s 1976, it’s Halloween, and a band of traveling carnies—dusty, drunk, and delightfully doomed—are cruising the backroads of America in a van that probably smells like whiskey, sweat, and poor decisions. Everything … Read More “31 (2016): Rob Zombie’s Circus of Sadism, or How to Laugh While Screaming” »
Heaven Is a Hell of a Place James “Jimmy ScreamerClauz” Creamer—whose name sounds like the world’s least appetizing ice cream flavor—didn’t just direct When Black Birds Fly. He wrote it, animated it, scored it, and probably whispered apologies to it at night. This is the auteur theory at its most terrifying: total creative control in … Read More “When Black Birds Fly (2015): The Animated Apocalypse You’ll Wish Had Stayed Inside the Egg” »
Welcome to New England, Population: Ghosts Ted Geoghegan’s We Are Still Here opens with that familiar horror setup: grieving parents, creaky old house, and enough emotional baggage to fill a hearse. Anne (Barbara Crampton) and Paul Sacchetti (Andrew Sensenig) have lost their son in a car crash, and—because therapy is apparently overrated—they decide to move … Read More “We Are Still Here (2015): A Blood-Soaked, Burned-Down Love Letter to Grief and Ghosts” »
The Death of Comedy (and Film) It takes a special kind of genius to parody The Walking Dead, Zombieland, and Warm Bodies — and make you miss all three. The Walking Deceased is that kind of genius. Directed by Scott Dow and written by Tim Ogletree, this 2015 “comedy horror” is the cinematic equivalent of … Read More “The Walking Deceased (2015): The Zombie Comedy That Forgot Both Parts” »
The Vineyard of Mediocrity Blumhouse Productions has made its fortune on ghosts, demons, and the occasional invisible man. But every studio eventually bottles a bad batch, and Visions is that wine left open on the counter for three weeks — flat, confused, and faintly smelling of regret. Directed by Kevin Greutert (Saw VI—yes, really), this … Read More “Visions (2015): The Only Thing Supernatural Is How It Got Made” »