Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter the Halloween Spirit There are bad horror movies, and then there’s Pay the Ghost—a film so bafflingly joyless it makes you wish the ghost had just taken you instead. Directed by Uli Edel, who once made serious movies about serious things, this supernatural slog feels like he accidentally wandered … Read More “Pay the Ghost (2015): The Real Horror Is Watching Nicolas Cage Try to Solve a Plot” »
Howling at the Moon and Loving Every Minute Some horror movies make you question the fragility of human existence. Others make you afraid to go camping. The Pack (2015), a snarling Australian gem directed by Nick Robertson, does both—and throws in a mortgage crisis for good measure. It’s a creature feature with teeth, claws, and … Read More “The Pack (2015): When Man’s Best Friend Goes Full Mad Max” »
When Your Existential Crisis Looks Like a Gremlin The Nightmare (Der Nachtmahr) wants you to believe it’s profound. It wants to haunt your subconscious, whisper about guilt and repression, and maybe make you Google “German avant-garde symbolism explained for idiots.” What it actually does is trap you in a 90-minute fever dream about a teenage … Read More “The Nightmare (2015): The Art-House Tamagotchi You Didn’t Ask For” »
The Dogs Are Barking, but the Plot’s Asleep There’s something poetic about a movie that starts with a meteorite turning dogs into bloodthirsty beasts. It’s like Cujomet Sharknado at a gas station and decided to make an even dumber baby. Night of the Wild—directed by Eric Red, the same man who once made The Hitcher … Read More “Night of the Wild (2015): When Cujo Met the Syfy Channel” »
Every few years, a zombie movie staggers out of the grave and reminds us that horror can still have a pulse — even if it’s faint and fueled by tequila shots. Night of the Living Deb (2015), directed by Kyle Rankin, is that kind of film: a gloriously goofy romantic comedy that mashes up Shaun … Read More “Night of the Living Deb: Love in the Time of Brain Rot” »
There are bad horror movies, and then there’s Muck — a film so aggressively dumb it makes Sharknado look like Citizen Kane. Written and directed by Steve Wolsh (in what we can only hope remains his directorial debut), Muck is a low-budget, high-hormone slog through marshes, mud, and mammary fixation. It’s the kind of movie … Read More “Muck (2015): The Horror Movie That Crawled Out of the Swamp and Should’ve Stayed There” »
Some movies don’t need remakes. Others shouldn’t have them. And then there’s Martyrs (2015) — a film that makes you question not only why it exists, but why you continue to. Directed by Kevin and Michael Goetz, this American remake of Pascal Laugier’s 2008 French horror classic is the cinematic equivalent of microwaving fine cuisine: … Read More “Martyrs (2015): The Passion of the Bland” »
If you’ve ever wanted to watch a supernatural horror film that feels like an Ambien overdose filmed through a black sock, The Man in the Shadows is the cinematic nightmare for you. Directed by Joshua Fraiman, this 2015 Canadian snooze-fest tries to turn sleep paralysis into a terrifying exploration of fear and addiction. Instead, it’s … Read More “The Man in the Shadows: When Even the Shadows Want to Leave” »
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that critics hail as “bold,” “visionary,” and “genre-defying,” which is usually code for “you won’t understand it, but please pretend you do.” The Lure (2015) is that movie — a Polish horror musical about carnivorous mermaids who become nightclub strippers in 1980s Warsaw. It’s like The … Read More “The Lure: When Mermaids, Music, and Madness Sink Together” »
There are movies that crawl under your skin, and then there’s Lavalantula — a film that crawls up your leg, breathes fire on your dignity, and lays its eggs in your frontal lobe. Released on SyFy in 2015, Lavalantula is a cinematic hybrid of “bad CGI,” “midlife crisis,” and “Steve Guttenberg really needed the work.” … Read More “Lavalantula: Eight Legs, Zero Shame” »