The Asylum Strikes Again: Evil Has a New Zip Code (and a $17 Budget) If hell has a film festival, The Amityville Haunting would screen on loop in its basement break room. Released in 2011 by The Asylum — the cinematic equivalent of reheating your neighbor’s leftovers and calling it “homemade” — this movie proudly … Read More ““The Amityville Haunting” (2011): The Horror That Haunted the Viewer Instead” »
Big Brother Is Watching… and He’s Bored, Lonely, and Weirdly Good at Tech If you ever needed a reason to be suspicious of your Roomba, 388 Arletta Avenue should do the trick. Written and directed by Randall Cole, this 2011 Canadian horror-thriller asks the question, “What if someone broke into your home, installed a dozen … Read More ““388 Arletta Avenue” (2011): Smile, You’re on Creeper Camera” »
The Date of Destiny… and Disappointment Ah, 11/11/11. That magical date that inspired panic, prophecy, and—because The Asylum never met an intellectual property it couldn’t photocopy—this cinematic lump of apocalyptic leftovers. Directed by Keith Allan (yes, that Keith Allan, the one who also acts in Asylum’s other crimes against cinema), this “mockbuster” was created to … Read More ““11/11/11” (2011): The Apocalypse Arrives — And It Forgot to Bring a Budget” »
The Dead Rise… Slowly, Awkwardly, and on a Budget Ah, Zombie Undead—a title so gloriously redundant it tells you everything you need to know before the first groan of the infected. Directed by Rhys Davies and written by Kris Tearse, this 2010 British horror film proudly joins the pantheon of ultra-low-budget zombie flicks made by … Read More ““Zombie Undead” (2010): When the Apocalypse Comes to Leicester, Bring Tea, Sarcasm, and Low Expectations” »
When Universal Let the Dogs Out Let’s set the record straight: The Wolfman (2010) is not a subtle movie. It’s not interested in nuance, allegory, or understated horror. No, this is a film that looks you dead in the eye, bares its fangs, and howls directly in your face—and then politely wins an Oscar for … Read More ““The Wolfman” (2010): A Hair-Raising Delight That’s All Bark, Bite, and Beautifully Bonkers” »
When Berlin Nights Last Forever (Unfortunately) Ah, vampires. The immortal metaphor for desire, addiction, and the constant search for a good nightclub. You’d think by 2010, after Twilight, True Blood, and about 4,000 Anne Rice knockoffs, the genre might have learned to pace itself. But no. Enter We Are the Night (Wir sind die Nacht), … Read More ““We Are the Night” (2010): The Glamorous Undead Soap Opera You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Need” »
Ready, Aim… Wait, Are Those Real Bullets? Let’s be honest: most people go paintballing or play Airsoft to live out their Call of Duty fantasies without actually dying or getting court-martialed. But in War Games: At the End of the Day (2011), Italian director Cosimo Alemà asks the crucial question—what if your harmless hobby suddenly … Read More ““War Games: At the End of the Day” (2011): When Your Weekend Hobby Becomes a Blood-Soaked Team-Building Exercise” »
A Bright Idea That Works Best in the Dark Every so often, a horror film comes along that reminds us of two things: (1) humanity’s primal fear of the dark, and (2) that Hayden Christensen still exists. Vanishing on 7th Street (2010), directed by Brad Anderson, takes these two ideas, shakes them around in a … Read More ““Vanishing on 7th Street” (2010): Detroit’s Blackout Vacation — Now With 100% More Existential Dread” »
Close Encounters of the Budget Kind Every once in a while, a found-footage movie comes along that reminds you why you still own a flashlight, a camcorder, and trust issues. Unaware (2010) is one of those films. Directed by Sean Bardin and Robert Cooley, this scrappy, no-frills alien thriller does what The Blair Witch Project … Read More ““Unaware” (2010): The Little Green Men Have Never Looked So Low-Budget—or So Lovably Creepy” »
Love, Death, and Sparkles: The Worst Combination Since Glitter and Steak There comes a time in every critic’s life when they must face their own mortality—and by “mortality,” I mean the experience of sitting through The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1. It’s the cinematic equivalent of being trapped in a Forever 21 at … Read More ““The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1”: A Honeymoon in Hell (and Not the Fun Kind)” »