Ah, Left for Dead. The title is more than fitting because if you’ve ever sat through this 2007 Canadian slasher, you’ll be begging someone to leave you for dead about halfway through. It’s a film that promises the nostalgic magic of an ’80s slasher but instead feels like a high school theater group rented some … Read More “Left for Dead (2007)” »
Let’s talk about In the Spider’s Web, a Syfy original from the golden age of “cheap monster movies you only watch when you’ve lost the remote.” Released in 2007, this was the third film in the Maneater series, which is basically Syfy’s cinematic equivalent of dollar store sushi: it’s technically edible, but you’re going to … Read More “In the Spider’s Web (2007)” »
Some remakes are justified. The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986)—they improved the originals with more grit, more horror, more goo. Then there’s The Hitcher (2007), which proves not all things need a glossy Platinum Dunes “Michael Bay-ification.” This movie is like stopping at a gas station, paying $4 for a bottle of water, and realizing … Read More “The Hitcher (2007)” »
Ah, Halloween movies for kids. They usually come in two flavors: the kind that are so sugar-coated you feel like you need insulin after watching (Halloweentown, I’m looking at you), and the kind that sneak a little nightmare fuel into your childhood and stay with you until your thirties (Are You Afraid of the Dark?, … Read More “R. L. Stine’s The Haunting Hour: Don’t Think About It (2007)” »
Ah yes, Hallowed Ground. A Sci-Fi Channel (before they rebranded to “Syfy” because bad spelling = edgy) original movie about demonic scarecrows, backwoods cults, and Nick Chinlund doing his best “Satan’s youth pastor” impression. The film’s tagline should’ve just been: “If you thought cornfields were boring before, wait until we prove they’re still boring, but … Read More “Hallowed Ground (2007)” »
Sometimes horror movies scare you because they show you things that might actually happen. Sometimes they scare you because they involve blood-soaked clowns wielding chainsaws. And sometimes, like with Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door, they scare you because you realize a group of filmmakers looked at one of the most disturbing real-life cases of … Read More “Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door (2007)” »
Some movies are so bad they’re good. Others are so bad they’re still just…bad. And then there’s Ghost Rider—a $110 million budget bonfire where Nicolas Cage literally sets his skull on fire and still manages to look less ridiculous than the script. It’s like watching Marvel Comics drunkenly hook up with a Hot Topic clearance … Read More “Ghost Rider (2007)” »
Ah yes, Flight of the Living Dead. Because apparently “zombies on a plane” was the one horror niche Hollywood hadn’t completely milked dry by 2007. Snakes were already busy biting Samuel L. Jackson’s ankles the year before, so some producers sat around a table and thought: “What if we just replaced snakes with zombies? People … Read More “Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (2007)” »
Some horror films give us serial killers, haunted houses, or cursed videotapes. Wind Chill gives us something truly terrifying: a bad rideshare experience. Before Uber and Lyft made awkward small talk with strangers a daily ritual, this film imagined what could go wrong if you hopped into a car with a classmate you barely noticed … Read More “Wind Chill (2007): The Horror of Carpooling with Ghosts” »
Ah, Walled In. A Canadian-French horror-thriller that promises architecture, murder, and Mischa Barton trying very hard not to look like she regrets saying yes to this script. Based on Serge Brussolo’s novel Les Emmurés, this little indie manages to combine claustrophobia, family trauma, and a coming-of-age tale about how sometimes your first real job will … Read More “Walled In (2007): Cement Shoes for the Soul” »