There’s a fine line between an ambitious experiment and an unholy mess. Tales from the Dead (2007), a Japanese-language American horror anthology directed by Jason Cuadrado, doesn’t just cross that line — it sprints over it, waving a camcorder and shouting, “I’m making art!” before tripping face-first into a fog machine. This is a movie … Read More “Tales from the Dead (2007): A Ghost Story That Should’ve Stayed Buried” »
There are films that go off the rails. Then there are films that never found the rails, the train station, or even the vague concept of transportation. Suffering Man’s Charity — later rebranded as Ghost Writer, as if a name change could somehow exorcise the stink — belongs to the latter category. Directed by Alan … Read More “Suffering Man’s Charity (2007): When Even the Ghosts Want Out” »
There are bad sequels, there are unnecessary sequels, and then there’s Stir of Echoes: The Homecoming — a made-for-TV ghost story so limp it feels like it was shot through a layer of beige wallpaper. It’s the kind of film that takes the eerie, psychological tension of the 1999 Kevin Bacon original and says, “What … Read More “Stir of Echoes: The Homecoming (2007): When Ghosts, Guilt, and Rob Lowe All Needed Better Agents” »
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a mid-2000s R&B music video got lost in the woods, forgot its lyrics, and decided to become a horror movie instead, look no further than Somebody Help Me. Written and directed by Chris Stokes — the same man responsible for producing B2K’s hits and, apparently, their cinematic … Read More “Somebody Help Me (2007): A Cry for Help That Was Answered by No One” »
There are bad horror movies, and then there’s Sick Nurses, a Thai supernatural slasher that looks like it was directed by a team of hungover med students with access to one fog machine and several gallons of fake blood. Released in 2007 and somehow not banned by the Thai Ministry of Common Sense, the film … Read More “Sick Nurses (2007): A Bloody Mess of Latex, Lust, and Logic” »
Some horror films cut deep. Scar just kind of pokes you with a dull spoon for 90 minutes and asks if you’re scared yet. Directed by Jed Weintrob, shot in 3D that looks like it was invented by Satan’s intern, and starring the eternally talented Angela Bettis (who deserves an apology and a fruit basket … Read More “Scar (2007): The Only Thing More Torturous Than the Killer’s Methods Is the Movie Itself” »
There’s a certain charm to a bad Syfy (back then “Sci-Fi”) movie. You know the kind — a CGI creature, some actors who look vaguely familiar from 1990s procedural dramas, and a plot that sounds like it was written during a lunch break. Reign of the Gargoyles (2007) fits that description so perfectly it could … Read More “Reign of the Gargoyles (2007): A Monument to Mediocrity, Set in the Skies of World War II” »
Some movies resurrect demons. Others resurrect franchises that should have stayed six feet under. Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud (2007) manages both, though only one of them has claws. Directed and written by Michael Hurst — in what must have been either a contractual obligation or a dare — this fourth Pumpkinhead film takes the ancient, terrifying … Read More “Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud (2007): When Feuding Families Summon the Spirit of Mediocrity” »
Every horror movie has its own idea of what “scary” means. For The Poughkeepsie Tapes, that idea is: “What if we made a movie so relentlessly unpleasant that even the cameraman wanted to quit halfway through?” Directed by John Erick Dowdle — the same man who would later lock a bunch of people underground in … Read More “The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007): The Found Footage Film That Should’ve Stayed Buried” »
You know a movie is in trouble when it starts with a kid playing tag in slow motion and ends with that same kid playing tag as a corpse. That, in essence, is The Orphanage — Spain’s idea of a feel-good family film, if your family consists entirely of ghosts, grief, and bad parenting decisions … Read More “The Orphanage (2007): Ghosts, Grief, and a Whole Lot of Sad Interior Design” »