Introduction: A Coffin Full of Dumb Ah, Dracula 2000. Or as it was sold in video stores: Wes Craven Presents: Why Did I Lend My Name to This? Directed by Patrick Lussier, written by Joel Soisson, and dumped into theaters on December 22, 2000 (Merry Christmas, here’s Gerard Butler in a cape), this film is … Read More “Dracula 2000 – When Wes Craven Presents… Regret” »
Introduction: Rosemary, Damien, and Now Dylan When horror films lean into satanic pregnancy and creepy children, they usually want to be compared to Rosemary’s Babyor The Omen. Unfortunately, The Calling (2000) invites that comparison and then immediately falls flat on its face like a toddler in roller skates. Directed by Richard Caesar (not the Roman, … Read More “The Calling (2000) – Or, Rosemary’s Baby’s Dollar Store Cousin” »
Introduction: Straight to Video, Straight to Regret If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if someone watched Friday the 13th while heavily sedated and then tried to remake it with the budget of a garage sale, look no further than Bloody Murder (2000). Directed by Ralph E. Portillo and written by John R. Stevenson (two … Read More “Bloody Murder (2000) – A Slasher Without the Slash” »
Introduction: German Efficiency Meets Horror Ineptitude When you hear the words “German horror,” you might imagine something bleak, clinical, and terrifying—a Kafkaesque nightmare with scalpels and fluorescent lighting. What you don’t expect is a movie that tries to be Scream with lab coats, only to end up feeling like a soap opera staged inside a … Read More “Anatomy (2000) – A Medical Misadventure in Pretentious Gore” »
If the phrase “Full Moon Features” makes you instinctively reach for aspirin, congratulations: you’ve probably endured at least one of their 90s horror outings. Witchouse (1999), directed by David DeCoteau (credited as “Jack Reed,” because even he didn’t want his real name cursed), is one of those straight-to-video specials that makes you wonder: how can … Read More “Witchouse (1999) – Bring Your Own Broom, But Don’t Expect Magic” »
There are bad movies, and then there’s Virus (1999), a sci-fi/horror hybrid so clunky it makes Leprechaun 4: In Spacelook like Kubrick. Directed by John Bruno (an Oscar-winning effects artist—so at least the explosions look nice), starring Jamie Lee Curtis (who once called it “a piece of shit”—her words, not mine), William Baldwin (the Baldwin … Read More “Virus (1999) – The Flu You Can’t Shake” »
When people talk about 1999 horror, they gush about The Sixth Sense. M. Night’s twist, Haley Joel Osment whispering about dead people, Bruce Willis trying his best not to look confused. But lurking in the shadows that same year was Stir of Echoes, a working-class Chicago ghost story starring Kevin Bacon’s cheekbones, Kathryn Erbe’s patience, … Read More “Stir of Echoes (1999) – The Other Sixth Sense” »
Every so often, a film comes along that desperately wants to be Seven. You know the drill: grim detectives, Biblical references, body parts missing, lots of rain, lots of shouting, and a killer who thinks he’s an artist. Resurrection (1999), directed by Russell Mulcahy, starring Christopher Lambert and his accent (which still can’t decide where … Read More “Resurrection (1999) – CSI: Sunday School” »
Spanish horror has given us some gems—Jaume Balagueró himself would go on to co-direct [REC], one of the most effective found-footage nightmares ever. But before that? He gave us The Nameless (1999), a film that proves even the Devil sometimes takes a sick day. This adaptation of Ramsey Campbell’s novel wants to be bleak, philosophical … Read More “The Nameless (1999) – Evil Has a Name, and It’s “Boring”” »
Every slasher movie worth its salt follows a sacred checklist: horny teens, an isolated location, creative kills, and a masked maniac with a tragic backstory. Memorial Day (1999) has all of those things. What it doesn’t have is competence, originality, or even the faintest clue how to make any of it interesting. Watching it feels … Read More “Memorial Day (1999) – The Slasher That Forgot to RSVP” »