Ah yes, Wishmaster (1997) — the movie that asked, “What if a genie granted your wish, but it sucked?” and then dragged that premise across 90 minutes like a dying slug on hot asphalt. Directed by Robert Kurtzman and “presented” (read: politely tolerated) by Wes Craven, this movie tried to be the next horror franchise … Read More “Wishmaster (1997) — the movie that asked, “What if a genie granted your wish, but it sucked?”” »
Ah, Wax Mask (1997) — a movie that proves even when you’ve got the names Argento and Fulci in the room, you can still end up with something that feels like a Halloween store clearance bin given feature-length treatment. This film isn’t so much a horror experience as it is a waxy migraine in cinematic … Read More “Wax Mask (1997)” »
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Silence of the Lambs was left out in the rain, chewed on by possums, and then rewritten by a moody teenager who just discovered Edgar Allan Poe, wonder no more. The Ugly (1997), New Zealand’s proud contribution to the “serial killers are soooo deep” subgenre, is a … Read More “The Ugly (1997)” »
There’s a special category of TV horror from the ‘90s that feels like the cinematic equivalent of stale Halloween candy: you bite in expecting something sweet, but instead you get chalky disappointment and the faint taste of cardboard. Twists of Terror, a Canadian made-for-television anthology once titled Primal Scream (a name that was too cool … Read More “Twists of Terror (1997): More Like Knots of Boredom” »
Ah, Trucks (1997). The USA Network decided Stephen King’s short story needed another adaptation after Maximum Overdrive already proved that sentient semis are about as scary as a honking goose. And yet, here we are — a made-for-TV horror flick where eighteen-wheelers stalk people with all the menace of a Roomba with low batteries. Let’s … Read More “Trucks (1997) – Not Another Stephen King Adaptation, no, please, no” »
Ah yes, Tower of Terror (1997), Disney’s first attempt to wring a movie out of a theme-park attraction. Before Pirates of the Caribbean made billions and Jungle Cruise made… The Rock money, there was this: a made-for-TV ghost story where Steve Guttenberg, of Police Academy fame, tries to pass as a grizzled tabloid reporter while … Read More “Tower of Terror (1997), Disney’s first attempt to wring a movie out of a theme-park attraction.” »
Some movies sneak up on you like a clever twist ending. Others sneak up on you like a raccoon in your kitchen, gnawing on a stale Pop-Tart. The Killing Jar is the latter: a film so lifeless, so unintentionally hilarious in its earnestness, that it feels like a PSA warning against letting film school graduates … Read More “The Killing Jar (1997): Somebody Forgot to Screw the Lid On” »
Ah, Snow White: A Tale of Terror. The title alone promises gothic chills, psychological horror, and Sigourney Weaver glowering so hard she could peel wallpaper at 20 paces. What it delivers instead is a $30 million Showtime original movie that looks like it cost about half a semester at community college. Imagine if someone tried … Read More “Snow White: A Tale of Terror (1997)” »
A Slasher With a Degree in Media Studies By the time Scream 2 rolled out, the original Scream had already gutted the slasher genre and mounted it on the wall like a deer head at a frat house. Wes Craven knew he couldn’t just repeat himself — so he doubled down on the meta-commentary and … Read More “Scream 2 (1997) — the sequel that looked Hollywood in the face and said, “Fine, I’ll be self-aware AND cash-grabby at the same time.”” »
What if science, police work, and one hell of a lizard-on-steroids all collided during a black-tie gala where the hors d’oeuvres weren’t the only things being eaten? The answer: a glorious, slimy B-movie wrapped in A-movie trappings, made infinitely better by Penelope Ann Miller dodging claws in a cocktail dress. Museums Are Supposed to Be … Read More “The Relic (1997). A film that asks a timeless question: what if the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago had less dinosaur bones and more decapitated yuppies?” »