Before HBO gave us True Blood and teenagers sparkled their way through Twilight, the Fox network dipped its fangs into vampire mythology with Blood Ties, a 1991 TV movie that dared to ask the question: what if your scary Eastern European relatives moved to Long Beach and joined a biker gang? The answer, as it … Read More “Blood Ties (1991) When Vampires Went Prime Time” »
Sequels are tricky. Sometimes you get Aliens—a film that expands on the original, raises the stakes, and becomes a classic in its own right. And sometimes you get Alligator II: The Mutation, a straight-to-video turd floating lazily in the cinematic sewer, pretending it’s a horror film. Released in 1991, directed by Jon Hess, and starring … Read More “Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)– Sewer Gator, Sewer Script” »
There are films that creep into your subconscious and terrify you long after the credits roll. Afraid of the Dark is not one of them. Instead, it creeps into your living room, sits on your couch, and spends two hours describing its dreams while you desperately look for an excuse to leave. Directed by Mark … Read More “Afraid of the Dark (1991): When the Audience Needs a Seeing-Eye Dog” »
There are bad movies. Then there are movies so bad they become a cult curiosity. And then there’s 964 Pinocchio (1991), a Japanese cyberpunk horror film that asks the bold question: What if Geppetto’s little puppet wasn’t trying to be a real boy, but instead a memory-wiped erectile dysfunction cyborg wandering through a vomit-soaked fever … Read More “964 Pinocchio (1991): When Cyberpunk Needed a Vasectomy” »
When Jan-Michael Vincent Met Discount Aliens Sequels are supposed to expand the story, deepen the mythology, or at least give you a fresh reason to waste 90 minutes of your life. Xtro II: The Second Encounter does none of these things. Instead, it takes the barest skeleton of the first Xtro(already a cult oddity) and … Read More “Xtro II: The Second Encounter (1990)” »
There are bad sequels, and then there’s Witchcraft II: The Temptress, the cinematic equivalent of buying a cursed VHS tape at a garage sale and realizing the real horror isn’t demons—it’s having to sit through 90 minutes of this dreck. Released in 1990 and directed by Mark Woods, this film proved that yes, direct-to-video horror … Read More “Witchcraft II: The Temptress(1990)– A Hex on Your VCR” »
Every horror novelist has at least one bad adaptation floating around the cinematic gutter. Stephen King has Graveyard Shift, Clive Barker has Rawhead Rex, and Dean Koontz has Whispers. Now, Koontz fans are used to disappointment—Hollywood has been mangling his books since VHS was king—but Whispers might be the most faithful adaptation of all, in … Read More “Whispers (1990): When Dean Koontz Novels Die Screaming on Screen” »
There are few things scarier than getting into a car with an unlicensed driver. Unless, of course, that driver is invisible, driving a mud-caked Dodge Charger through the Arizona desert with the sole purpose of kidnapping children. Welcome to Wheels of Terror (1990), a made-for-TV thriller so misguided it makes Knight Rider look like Citizen … Read More “Wheels of Terror (1990): Driving Miss Bonkers” »
Sequels are tricky. Some continue a story with new ideas, others cash in by reheating leftovers, and then there’s Watchers II, which basically asks: What if we made Lassie fight a knockoff Predator, but cheaper? The answer is a film that’s equal parts goofy, gory, and weirdly endearing—if only because it tries so hard to … Read More “Watchers II (1990) Lassie vs. the Discount Predator” »
There are horror anthologies, and then there’s Two Evil Eyes—the cinematic equivalent of watching two heavyweight directors walk into Edgar Allan Poe’s house, pour themselves a drink, and rearrange the furniture until the floorboards squeak. George A. Romero and Dario Argento split the bill, one handling “The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar,” the … Read More “Two Evil Eyes (1990): When Romero and Argento Decided to Play Poe Like a Broken Piano” »