John Russo, co-writer of Night of the Living Dead, somehow took the goodwill he had from horror fans and decided to cash it in for this. Midnight is a dirt-under-the-fingernails backwoods Satanic cult movie that somehow manages to make human sacrifice boring, racial tension ham-fisted, and Lawrence Tierney look like he’s regretting his entire film … Read More “Midnight (1982) – Satanic Hillbillies, Stepdad Trauma, and the Smell of Burnt Plot” »
Sometimes a horror sequel gives you exactly what you expect. Halloween III: Season of the Witch gives you the opposite, shoves it in a rubber pumpkin mask, and beams Stonehenge-powered murder bugs directly into your brain. Yes, it’s the only Halloween movie without Michael Myers. Yes, people hated it in 1982 for that very reason. … Read More “Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) – The Michael Myers-Free Fever Dream We Didn’t Deserve but Secretly Needed” »
Every horror movie promises something—terror, suspense, blood, maybe even a stray Wilford Brimley sighting if you’re lucky. Death Valley delivers all of those things in theory, but in the most lethargic, shrug-inducing way possible. It’s a road trip slasher set in one of the most inhospitable, naturally unsettling places on Earth… and yet it still … Read More “Death Valley (1982) – A Slasher That Couldn’t Scare a Cactus” »
Some films are so tense you grip the armrest. The Clairvoyant is so sluggish you might grip the remote in case you need to fast-forward… again… and again. This is a movie about a clairvoyant artist, a handcuff-happy killer, and a TV host with more hair product than moral fiber—and somehow it manages to drain … Read More “The Clairvoyant (1982) – Psychic Murder Mystery That Couldn’t Predict How Boring It Would Be” »
If The Black Room were a drink, it would be a flat wine cooler you found open in the back of your fridge—warm, sticky, and faintly suspicious. This 1982 horror film tries to be erotic, sinister, and vampiric, but mostly succeeds in being the cinematic equivalent of shag carpet that smells faintly of regret. The … Read More “The Black Room (1982) – Swingers, Syringes, and Siblings Who Really Need a Hobby” »
Some movies tiptoe between genres. Wolfen doesn’t tiptoe — it leaps, claws-first, from one to the other like an apex predator taking down a Wall Street executive in Battery Park. Part police procedural, part eco-horror, part Native American urban legend, Michael Wadleigh’s one-and-done directorial swing is the kind of strange, stylish, and surprisingly thoughtful film … Read More “Wolfen (1981) – Crime Scene Meets Spirit World, and the Spirits Have Bigger Teeth” »
Every now and then, you stumble across a movie that sounds epic on paper — demon samurai, historical figures brought back from the dead, burning castles, legendary duels — but somehow manages to make the whole thing feel like a 2½-hour rehearsal for a much better film that never got made. Samurai Reincarnation is that … Read More “Samurai Reincarnation (1981) – Resurrection, Revenge, and Repeatedly Swinging Swords Until Everyone’s Tired” »
Some horror films are unsettling because of their monsters. Others are unsettling because of their human characters. The Pit manages to be unsettling because of both — but not in the “effective horror” way. This Canadian curiosity (filmed in Wisconsin, because even Canada didn’t want to take full credit) delivers 96 minutes of pure, weird … Read More “The Pit (1981) – Hormones, Teddy Bears, and Hungry Dirt Goblins: A Coming-of-Awkwardness Story” »
Some movies are so bad they’re good. Night of the Zombies is so bad it feels like a personal attack. This is a film that somehow manages to take one of the most inherently pulpy, can’t-miss horror setups — Nazi soldiers brought back to life by a sinister chemical — and turn it into something … Read More “Night of the Zombies (1981) – Where Nazi Corpses Go to Die… Very, Very Slowly” »
Ah, Midnight Offerings. Proof that the early ’80s TV movie was less about terror and more about keeping your grandma awake between “Hart to Hart” and the 11 o’clock news. On paper, it sounds delicious: Melissa Sue Anderson, fresh off Little House on the Prairie, playing a vengeful teenage witch who wages supernatural war over … Read More “Midnight Offerings (1981) – A Witchy Teen Catfight That’s About as Scary as a Soggy Ouija Board” »