If Halloween (1978) was a lean, mean, minimalist horror machine, then Halloween II is what happens when you feed that machine hospital Jell-O, pump it full of sedatives, and unleash it in a fluorescent-lit labyrinth. And somehow—miraculously—it still works. It’s slower, gorier, sillier, and yet manages to deliver exactly what a slasher sequel should: a … Read More “Halloween II (1981) – The Night He Came Back… and Kept Coming Back” »
Sometimes you watch a movie and think, “This must have been terrifying on paper.” Then you realize—no—it was probably boring on paper too. Ghost Story is the cinematic equivalent of a long, rambling dinner anecdote told by someone who keeps forgetting the point but refuses to stop talking because, darn it, they wore their best … Read More “Ghost Story (1981) – Dancing with the Dead, Badly” »
Some horror movies are scary. Some are funny. Frightmare manages to be neither—unless you count the fear that your brain cells are actively deserting you while you watch it. This is a film where a group of drama students decide the best way to honor their favorite horror movie star is to break into his … Read More “Frightmare (1983) – Weekend at Conrad’s” »
Every so often, a movie comes along that makes you question not only the choices of the filmmakers, but also your own decision to keep watching past the first ten minutes. Frankenstein Island isn’t just bad—it’s the cinematic equivalent of being cornered by a rambling uncle at a family reunion who smells like rum and … Read More “Frankenstein Island (1981) – Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate My Balloon Ride” »
If Carrie and The Omen had a socially awkward baby that listened to The Ramones and had a knack for necromancy, you’d get Fear No Evil. This oddball gem from Frank LaLoggia isn’t just a horror movie—it’s a moody, punk-scored, Catholic-goth fever dream about puberty, possession, and the kind of extracurricular activities that involve raising … Read More “Fear No Evil (1981) – The Antichrist Goes to High School and Brings a Punk Soundtrack” »
If subtlety is your thing, you may want to avert your eyes now. John Boorman’s Excalibur is not so much a retelling of the Arthurian legend as it is a fever dream of molten armor, pagan fog, and orchestral bombast so loud you can practically feel Carl Orff slapping you across the face with a … Read More “Excalibur (1981) – The Shiniest, Bloodiest, Wagner-Blasting Fairy Tale Ever Put on Screen” »
If you ever wanted Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic morality tale to get drunk, wander into a French art-house, and wake up the next morning covered in candle wax, velvet curtains, and regret—congratulations, Docteur Jekyll et les femmesexists. Walerian Borowczyk, patron saint of “I’m not making porn, it’s cinema,” takes the duality-of-man story and replaces moral … Read More “Docteur Jekyll et les femmes (1981): Or, Fifty Shades of Hyde Meets the Dinner Party from Hell” »
If Deadly Blessing proves anything, it’s that Wes Craven could direct the phone book and still make it look creepy… especially if the phone book happens to be played by Maren Jensen. Yes, the Battlestar Galactica beauty is the real reason to watch this supernatural slasher, because while there’s a plot about religious zealots, forbidden … Read More “Deadly Blessing (1981): When Maren Jensen Outshines Both the Incubus and Ernest Borgnine’s Beard” »
Let’s just get this out of the way—Burial Ground: Nights of Terror isn’t a zombie movie so much as it’s a weird Italian art installation where the theme is “What if George Romero got blackout drunk, fell asleep watching softcore Eurotrash, and then woke up to find Andrea Bianchi had stolen his script?” You’ve got … Read More “Burial Ground (1981): When Zombies Attack… and Oedipus Shows Up with a Nipple Fetish” »
If Rosemary’s Baby had been set in rural Australia, filmed for the price of a decent used station wagon, and concerned itself with druids instead of Satanists, you’d get Alison’s Birthday. Directed by Ian Coughlan, this supernatural horror curio proves that in the early ’80s, Australia wasn’t just exporting kangaroo documentaries and Mad Max—they were … Read More “Alison’s Birthday (1981): The Perils of Turning Nineteen, or How to Lose Your Soul and Your Boyfriend in One Night” »