Joe Dante is a director who once gave the world Gremlins, a movie that made us afraid of microwaves and midnight snacks. So when Explorers hit theaters in 1985, parents assumed they were in for another spooky, kooky rollercoaster. Instead, what they got was an interstellar wet noodle—a movie that starts with promise and ends … Read More “Explorers (1985): Goonies in Space, Written by an Eight-Year-Old Tripping on Robitussin” »
In 1983, Twilight Zone: The Movie crash-landed into theaters with four directors, one iconic theme song, and more tonal inconsistency than a cocaine-fueled writing session in a Hollywood bungalow. It was meant to be a tribute. An homage. A love letter to Rod Serling’s sci-fi morality play in black and white. But what we got … Read More “Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983): One Plane Crash Away From Perfection” »
There’s something inherently charming about late ’70s horror: the grainy film stock, the bell-bottomed victims, the off-brand Psycho knockoffs. But The Silent Scream (1979) is the kind of movie that proves not every scream deserves to be heard. In fact, by the end of this sluggish, confused, and borderline accidental horror film, you’ll be screaming … Read More “The Silent Scream (1979): The Scream Is Silent Because the Script Put It to Sleep” »
Before Sharknado gave us digital carnage and before Anaconda gave us Jon Voight’s weird accent and predatory smirk, Joe Dante’s “Piranha” was quietly swimming under the radar with its mutant fish, questionable military ethics, and enough fake blood to make a butcher wince. Released in the summer of 1978, Piranha was clearly born in the … Read More “Piranha (1978): A Fish Story With Teeth, Beer, and B-Movie Brass Balls” »
There are films that age gracefully—like a vintage wine or a black-and-white classic flickering in the corner of a dive bar TV. Then there are films that age like a glass of milk left in a Louisiana brothel with the windows open. “Pretty Baby” (1978) is the latter. What was once dressed up as “art” … Read More “Pretty Baby (1978): A Padded Cell of a Period Piece With a Creep Mustache” »
Before he put a lamb in the basket and Anthony Hopkins in your nightmares, Jonathan Demme cut his directorial teeth on a movie where women in tight clothes get tossed in solitary, dodge shower fights, and stage one of the most deranged prison breakouts in drive-in history. Caged Heat (1974) isn’t just a prime example … Read More “Caged Heat (1974): Women in Prison, Men in Therapy, and Jonathan Demme in a Straitjacket of Genius” »
Ah, The Crimson Cult—also known as The Curse of the Crimson Altar, because one confusing title just wasn’t enough. This 1968 British horror film should’ve been a late-’60s Gothic classic. After all, you’ve got Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, and Barbara Steele in the same movie. That’s like booking Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, and Cleopatra at the … Read More “The Crimson Cult (1968): The Color of Dull, With a Dash of Steele and a Heap of Confusion” »
Somewhere in the dimly lit catacombs of Italian horror cinema, there’s a velvet-lined coffin labeled “Wasted Potential.” Inside lies An Angel for Satan, the 1966 Barbara Steele vehicle that tries to be a haunting Gothic slow-burn but ends up feeling like an overlong cologne commercial directed by a taxidermist. It’s beautiful, yes—but only in that … Read More “An Angel for Satan (1966): Gothic Gorgeousness, Glacial Pacing, and Steele Wasted Again” »
There’s low-budget horror, and then there’s The She Beast. This 1966 Anglo-Italian co-production directed by Michael Reeves (in his feature debut) promises Gothic terror, undead witches, and Barbara Steele, the crown princess of high-cheekbone horror. But what it actually delivers is the cinematic equivalent of stepping into a puddle while wearing socks. For the record, … Read More “The She Beast (1966): A Swampy Soup of Witchcraft, Screaming, and Wasted Steele” »
There are movies that make you check your watch. There are movies that make you check your soul. And then there’s Nightmare Castle, a 1965 Italian Gothic horror film that makes you question your Wi-Fi connection, your eyesight, and whether Barbara Steele was contractually obligated to work with screenwriters who hated pacing. Directed by Mario … Read More “Nightmare Castle (1965): Gothic Soap Opera with a Hangover” »
