Before David Cronenberg gave us talking typewriters, flesh guns, and gynecological nightmares, he dipped his scalpel into the primordial ooze of 1970s Canadian horror with Shivers—a film that asks, “What if the real disease was repressed horniness?” Released in 1975 and partially funded by the Canadian government (your tax dollars hard at work, eh?), Shivers … Read More “Shivers (1975) – Sex, Slugs, and Suburbia” »
If Stereo was David Cronenberg’s artsy, stoned freshman thesis, then Crimes of the Future is his drug-induced sophomore manifesto—longer, dumber, and twice as convinced it’s saying something important. It’s 63 minutes of visual static, pseudo-scientific gibberish, and actors who move like they were directed by a mannequin on lithium. And no, this isn’t the 2022 … Read More “Crimes of the Future (1970) – The Sophomore Slump Nobody Asked For” »
If you’ve ever wanted to experience what it’s like to have your frontal lobe slowly scraped away with an ice cream scoop while a disembodied Canadian voice narrates psychobabble about telepathy and sexual repression over static images of people walking around a brutalist architecture campus in dead silence—then congratulations. You’ve found your film. David Cronenberg’s … Read More “Stereo (1969) – A Canadian Mindfk in Monotone” »
In the annals of horror history, there are films that whisper dread. Then there’s Eaten Alive, a film that mutters to itself in a swamp, gnaws on a chicken bone, and tries not to trip over its own sleaze. Directed by Tobe Hooper in the fever-dream aftermath of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, this is … Read More “Eaten Alive (1976): Where Alligators Have Better Agents Than the Cast” »
In the smoke-and-mirrors world of professional wrestling, where flash and fury often outrun fundamentals, Callee Wilkerson carved a name that felt like gravel in the teeth—unpolished, unapologetic, and hard to ignore. You might know her as Barbi Hayden, the blonde Texan with a smile that could melt butter and a lariat that could shatter ribs. … Read More “Abilene Maverick: The Governor’s Daughter Who Fought Like the Bastard Child of Barbed Wire and Bourbon” »
Let’s get this out of the way: Walking the Edge isn’t a good movie. It’s not a bad movie either. It’s a shrug of a movie—like someone made Death Wish on a budget of bus fare and cigarette coupons. It’s the kind of film you’d find on a VHS tape labeled “action?” in your uncle’s … Read More “Walking the Edge (1985): A Half-Decent Trip Down a Shabby Side Street” »
You ever wonder what would happen if someone spiked a Hallmark Christmas movie with gasoline fumes, trauma, and a shot of Jim Henson’s blood pressure medication? Look no further than Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker—a film that answers the question: “What if Pinocchio was a pervert and Santa was played by a … Read More “Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)” »
There’s a moment early in The Beast Within when you think, “Hey, maybe this will be good.” That moment lasts exactly 17 seconds. Then it collapses into a smoldering pile of Southern-fried body horror, hormonal rage, and swamp-sweat nonsense that plays like The Fly’s malnourished cousin… if that cousin was locked in a basement and … Read More “The Beast Within (1982): Puberty is Hell, But This Was Unwatchable” »
Sometimes you come across a film so fundamentally confused, so brazenly undercooked, that you wonder if anyone involved was fully awake when the cameras were rolling. Hammer, a 1972 Blaxploitation “boxing” film starring Fred Williamson, is one of those movies. It walks into the ring looking like it’s ready to go twelve rounds, but it … Read More “Hammer (1972): Swing and a Miss in the Ring of Blaxploitation” »
Sometimes a movie is so full of itself it forgets to be entertaining. Slaughter, the 1972 Blaxploitation action flick starring Jim Brown, isn’t just a relic of a time when explosions were cheaper than dialogue—it’s a masterclass in how not to make a revenge thriller. It’s got all the ingredients of a good time: car … Read More “Slaughter (1972): When the Title’s the Only Thing That Works” »
