Introduction: Ghosts with Tool Belts
If Home Improvement had been directed by Lucio Fulci on a budget of stale Tim Hortons donuts, it might look like The Carpenter. This 1988 Canadian supernatural oddity dares to ask: what if your dream handyman was also a convicted murderer whose idea of “measure twice, cut once” involves dismemberment? The answer: you’d have a film so uneven it makes drywall look like fine art.
Meet Alice: The Least Stable Homeowner in Canada
Our protagonist is Alice Jarett (Lynne Adams), a fragile housewife just released from a psychiatric hospital. In horror logic, this means she’s automatically the most unreliable narrator in the room and, by extension, the only person the audience is forced to follow. Her husband Martin, played by Pierre Lenoir, is a pompous professor who cheats on her, neglects her, and somehow still manages to be the most boring adulterer in film history. Their marriage is so strained you almost cheer when the ghost carpenter shows up, because at least something finally happens.
Wings Hauser: From Cop Roles to Ghostly Contractors
Enter Edward Byrd, the titular carpenter, played by Wings Hauser with the kind of manic glee that suggests he either loved this role or completely gave up. Edward is the ghost of a man who once built this very house, only to be executed after he murdered repo men who dared to question his craftsmanship. He’s back from the dead to finish what he started — namely, hammering nails, sanding wood, and occasionally sawing off limbs like he’s auditioning for a Canadian episode of This Old House: Homicide Edition.
The First Kill: Circular Saw Justice
Early on, Alice is nearly assaulted by one of Martin’s construction workers. Edward swoops in, cuts off the guy’s arms with a circular saw, and then tucks Alice back into bed like a psychotic Mr. Rogers. It’s supposed to be terrifying; instead it feels like a dark PSA: “Always hire union labor — or risk ghostly contractors amputating your workforce.”
Alice Falls for Edward: Love Is in the Air (and the Basement)
Despite Edward being, you know, a literal murderer and a supernatural entity tied to unfinished woodwork, Alice begins falling for him. Because nothing says romance like a man who can fix a squeaky door hinge and decapitate a burglar in the same night. Their chemistry is about as passionate as watching someone stir paint. Still, Alice swoons. To be fair, her alternatives are her unfaithful professor husband or total celibacy — and Edward, at least, can hang drywall.
Murder, Nails, and Infidelity
Things take a hard left turn when Martin’s pregnant student/side-piece Laura shows up. She confesses the affair to Alice, and in response Alice and Edward team up like the world’s worst DIY couple on HGTV. They kill Laura with a nail gun, which at least is thematically appropriate. If the film had leaned harder into punny one-liners, we might’ve gotten gems like, “Looks like you got nailed, sweetheart.” But alas, Canadian restraint wins out, and we’re left with a grim, humorless kill that begs for camp.
Martin returns home, finds Laura’s corpse, and tries to attack Alice. Big mistake. Edward shoves his head in a vise and crushes it like a stale maple cookie. The film could have ended there — Alice and Edward, lovers in blood and wood shavings, living happily ever after in a half-finished house. Instead, we get another 30 minutes of clumsy plotting.
The Sister Shows Up: Because Every Horror Movie Needs One
Alice’s sister Rachel arrives, immediately notices the bodies, and makes the bold suggestion that maybe — just maybe — Alice shouldn’t live in a murder house with a ghost contractor. Edward, apparently threatened by sisterly intervention, gets violent. Alice, enraged that her new undead lover manhandled Rachel, finally turns on him. Because apparently the murders were fine, but laying a hand on family is where she draws the line.
The Final Showdown: Burning Down the House
Alice discovers Edward’s weakness: damage to the house itself. Yes, this is the kind of horror logic we’re dealing with. So she grabs a blowtorch and sets fire to the unfinished dream home. Edward, who’s been invincible up until now, suddenly becomes a Looney Tunes character, flailing and chasing them briefly before burning away. Alice and Rachel flee, proving once again that in Canadian horror, fire safety is the real hero.
Why It Fails:
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Tone-Deaf Romance: Watching Alice fall for Edward is less “Beauty and the Beast” and more “Beauty and the Guy from Your HOA Who Won’t Stop Offering to Fix Your Fence.” It’s not creepy; it’s just awkward.
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Ghost Rules Are Nonsense: Edward can cut people’s arms off, crush heads, and commit murder freely. But break a few floorboards and suddenly he’s toast? Even Ghostbusters II had more consistent lore.
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Kills Without Thrills: Horror fans want inventive gore. Here, we get a couple of mutilations, a nail gun, and a vise. It’s all staged with the energy of a DIY instructional video.
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Lifeless Characters: Alice is a blank slate. Martin is a pompous caricature. Rachel exists solely to give Alice someone to protect. Edward is the only one with personality, but his character is written like someone stapled together clichés from a hardware store ad.
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Made-for-TV Aesthetic: The cinematography is flat, the pacing sluggish, and the atmosphere nonexistent. For a film about a murderous ghost, it looks more like a Lifetime movie about bad renovations.
Wings Hauser Deserves Better
Wings Hauser, bless him, goes all in. He delivers lines like he’s channeling Jack Nicholson through a bottle of Canadian whiskey. Unfortunately, the script doesn’t back him up. Instead of a menacing supernatural villain, he comes off like the eccentric uncle who shows up at family gatherings to brag about fixing his own roof with a chainsaw.
Final Verdict: Not Worth the Wood
The Carpenter could have been fun camp — a supernatural slasher where a ghost contractor uses power tools to carve through victims while dropping cheesy one-liners. Instead, it plays everything straight, draining the humor and energy out of its premise. What’s left is a dull, awkwardly paced horror melodrama that confuses home renovation with terror.
It’s not scary, it’s not sexy, and it’s not entertaining. It’s just… unfinished, like the house at its center.
If you want home-renovation horror, watch The Toolbox Murders. If you want supernatural romance, watch Ghost. If you want to waste 90 minutes watching Wings Hauser swing a hammer while Lynne Adams stares blankly into the middle distance, The Carpenter is waiting for you — hopefully on VHS in a bargain bin, where it belongs.
