Welcome to the Island of Terrible Decisions
If you ever thought Friday the 13th needed more smugglers, urination gags, and characters named “Blowie” and “Pervert,” then congratulations: The Deadly Camp is the movie you didn’t know you never wanted. Directed by Bowie Lau and written by people who clearly hate campers as much as they hate coherent storytelling, this Hong Kong slasher transplant takes the classic “group of horny young idiots in the woods” setup and transplants it to a secluded island—because, apparently, Jason Voorhees was fully booked.
What follows is not horror so much as an endurance test: a parade of clichés, awkward sex jokes, and gore that looks like it was filmed with props from the butcher’s dumpster.
The Killer: Discount Leatherface With a Mommy Complex
Our villain is a chainsaw-wielding bandage-wrapped man who lives with his deformed son and unseen wife. Basically Leatherface’s less-talented cousin who never got invited to Thanksgiving. He lumbers around, grunts, and uses punji sticks like he just finished reading Guerrilla Warfare for Dummies.
His motivation? Protect his weird son, who keeps trying to get laid with captives. So yes, this is less about murder and more about the world’s most uncomfortable father-son bonding exercise. If you thought Norman Bates had mommy issues, just wait until you see this family therapy session with power tools.
The Victims: Darwin Award Nominees, All of Them
The cast is a collection of campers, smugglers, and human red shirts. They’re all so aggressively stupid you start rooting for the chainsaw.
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Ken and Winnie: The “final couple.” They survive mostly by accident, not intelligence. Ken makes decisions that scream “future Darwin Award.” Winnie spends most of the runtime looking like she regrets her contract.
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Professor and Linda: Their idea of survival strategy involves dishwashing and tripping booby traps. Spoiler: it doesn’t end well.
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Soldier and Be Be: Soldier confiscates everyone’s phones because apparently cell towers don’t exist on horror islands. Be Be later becomes a prop in the killer’s creepy matchmaking subplot. Lucky her.
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Boar and Mi Mi: Boar, played by Anthony Wong (who must’ve been blackmailed into this role), is a smuggler pretending to be a condom salesman. His bright idea? Offer his wife to the deformed son like some kind of sex-ed puppet show. Even the killer is disgusted. Mi Mi, meanwhile, dies because she has the audacity to shove a horny mutant away.
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Pervert and Blowie: Yes, those are their actual names. Their highlight is drunkenly urinating on the killer’s son and accidentally setting him on fire. Imagine explaining that death scene in an audition reel.
By the time people start dying, you don’t mourn them—you cheer.
The Gore: Chop Shop Special
Chainsaws buzz. Limbs fly. Heads roll. But the gore is so rubbery it feels like the production raided a Halloween store clearance bin. A chainsaw dismemberment scene should be horrifying; here it looks like someone slicing through a Thanksgiving turkey. Even the maggot-and-rat props from The 4th Floor look Oscar-worthy compared to this.
The bandaged killer clearly loves his tripwires and punji sticks, which give the film some Home Alone energy. Only instead of Kevin McCallister, you’ve got a sweaty guy in Ace bandages.
The Sex “Subplot”: Disturbing Doesn’t Even Cover It
There’s sleaze, and then there’s whatever this film thought it was doing. Watching Boar try to “teach” the bandaged man’s son how to use his wife as practice material is about as fun as a root canal without anesthetic. The killer responds appropriately by murdering everyone involved, but by then, the audience already feels violated.
It’s as if the screenwriters thought, “Chainsaws aren’t enough—let’s make the audience want to shower afterward.”Mission accomplished.
The Pacing: Hurry Up and Die Already
For a movie with so many victims, The Deadly Camp moves slower than its killer. Characters wander, argue, and whine long enough that you start hoping the bandaged man invests in a faster weapon. The downtime is filled with awkward dialogue and failed attempts at humor, usually involving bodily fluids.
Even the deaths don’t come fast enough. For every two minutes of carnage, there are ten of people bickering about cell phones or where to wash dishes. Hitchcock said suspense is about anticipation. This movie says suspense is about waiting for idiots to trip over their own shoelaces.
The Ending: Surprise, There’s a Wife!
After the campers finally manage to rig up a Looney Tunes trap that impales the killer on tent spikes, you’d think the nightmare is over. But no—the killer’s wife suddenly appears out of nowhere, grabs a chainsaw, and kills one of the survivors. Because nothing says “earned twist” like pulling a random spouse out of thin air.
The wife then gets knocked off a cliff, only to reach up from the water in the final shot like a soggy Michael Myers. Congratulations: you’ve set up a sequel no one wanted.
Anthony Wong: Too Good for This Garbage
Anthony Wong is a legendary Hong Kong actor known for Hard Boiled and The Untold Story. Seeing him in The Deadly Camp is like spotting Daniel Day-Lewis working the fry station at McDonald’s. He gives his all, chewing scenery as Boar, but even his manic energy can’t salvage dialogue like, “Let me show you how to screw my wife.” If there was ever a time for an Oscar-winning performance, it wasn’t here.
Why It Fails: Lazy Rip-Off Syndrome
The Deadly Camp wants to be Hong Kong’s answer to Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Instead, it’s more like a parody written by people who skimmed a Wikipedia entry on slashers. The killer is derivative, the victims are unbearable, and the horror elements are so clumsy they border on comedy.
The only thing it contributes to the genre is a reminder that chainsaws are scarier when not wielded by someone who looks like they got lost on their way to a first-aid seminar.
Final Chainsaw Verdict
The Deadly Camp is the cinematic equivalent of stepping in a puddle while wearing socks: unpleasant, pointless, and leaves you wondering why you went outside in the first place. It’s not scary, not funny, and not even so-bad-it’s-good—it’s just bad.
Verdict: If you want chainsaw carnage, stick with Leatherface. If you want campers dying, Jason’s your guy. If you want awkward smuggler sex lessons and bandage cosplay, then fine, this movie exists for you. For everyone else, steer clear of this island—it’s deadlier to your patience than to its characters.
