Let’s be honest: Amityville Exorcism is a film that asks the question: “What happens when you throw a bunch of clichés, bad special effects, and a demon-possessed daughter into the Amityville Horror blender?” Well, the answer is here—and spoiler alert: It’s not pretty.
This 2017 direct-to-video disaster—sorry, I mean film—directed by Mark Polonia, tries to ride on the coattails of the infamous Amityville Horror franchise, hoping that audiences will mistake its incoherent plot and lackluster acting for genuine terror. But here’s the cold truth: Amityville Exorcism is less of a chilling ghost story and more of a slow, agonizing journey through bad dialogue, poor pacing, and visual effects that make the 1980s’ Power Rangers look like an Oscar-winning production.
Plot: A Combination of Family Drama and Bad Decisions
In Amityville Exorcism, we meet Charles Humes, a general contractor whose greatest decision in life is apparently to commit familicide with a hammer. The reason? Demons, naturally. You see, Charles picked up some “haunted” wood from the infamous 112 Ocean Avenue (you know, the house from the Amityville Horror), and that was his first mistake. His second mistake was not running the wood through a proper exorcism before using it to renovate homes. Anyway, after killing his wife and kids, he confides in Father Benna (played by Jeff Kirkendall), who has more baggage than a terminal at LAX, about the whole demon-possession thing.
Now, I’m no expert on demonic possessions, but if you’re haunted by evil spirits, the first thing I’d do is not invite a priest to chat. But hey, let’s chalk that up to bad decision-making, as Father Benna decides to go around fixing the mess left by Charles’s demonic wood-peddling spree. And naturally, one of these houses is occupied by the Dukane family—namely, a teenage girl named Amy (played by Marie DeLorenzo) and her alcoholic father Jeremy (James Carolus).
The plot goes downhill from there, with Amy getting possessed by a Legion of demons, performing poorly executed exorcism rituals, and — oh yes — murder. And that’s just the first 15 minutes. You can tell the writers (Billy D’Amato and Agung Bagus) took a lot of liberties here, because when it comes to believable horror, Amityville Exorcism takes the phrase “throw everything at the wall and see what sticks” a bit too literally.
The Cast: Delivering Lines as if They’re Being Tortured
Now, let’s talk about the performances. Jeff Kirkendall, playing Father Benna, does his absolute best to deliver the solemn gravitas required for an exorcist. Unfortunately, his performance lands somewhere between “mildly annoyed” and “someone who just learned the word ‘exorcism’ in a horror movie script.” His dialogue is delivered with the enthusiasm of someone explaining tax law at a family reunion. Sure, he’s the priest, but he’s far more entertaining in his role as someone who just wants to get paid to do an exorcism. The fact that this priest has more emotional range than a cardboard cutout is truly an accomplishment.
Then there’s James Carolus as Jeremy Dukane. Imagine your standard drunk, abusive father with zero self-awareness. Jeremy spends his time either shouting at Amy or looking uncomfortable—like someone who realizes they’ve made horrible life choices, but isn’t quite sure how to handle the fact that their daughter is now possessed by an army of demons. Carolus does his best to convey concern, but mostly comes across like he’s sleepwalking through the movie. Not even the demons could save his acting.
And of course, we can’t forget Amy (Marie DeLorenzo), who spends most of her screen time screaming in horror, or slapping the audience with some of the least scary demonic expressions you’ll ever see. If she really was possessed by a horde of demons, someone should’ve told her to act like it. Because the only thing I was truly possessed by during these scenes was the desire to throw my remote out of the window.
The Horror: A Fistful of Rats and a Whole Lot of CGI
As for the horror itself, let’s just say that Amityville Exorcism didn’t exactly inspire any nightmares—unless, of course, you’re terrified by the sheer laziness of CGI. The special effects are so underwhelming, you might wonder if the filmmakers had a budget of five bucks and a subscription to a stock footage website. The possessed Amy’s transformation into an evil entity could’ve been more terrifying if the filmmakers had, I don’t know, bothered to actually show her transformation. But no, we’re treated to cheap CGI and a few “creepy” doll attacks that, frankly, are more comical than terrifying.
And then, of course, there’s the classic trope of horror movie dolls—because every horror movie worth its salt has to have at least one creepy doll. You know the one that inexplicably moves or stares at you with empty eyes? The doll in Amityville Exorcism might as well have been a props manager’s first attempt at DIY horror. It’s about as menacing as a malfunctioning toaster.
The Exorcism: So Unscary, It’s Almost a Comedy
By the time the exorcism scene rolls around, you’ll be wondering whether the real horror here is what happens during the exorcism or how it’s executed. Father Benna’s big spiritual showdown with the demon (which involves a whole lot of yelling, and a fair amount of suspiciously non-threatening rituals) falls flat in every conceivable way. The idea that Benna is somehow capable of banishing a Legion of demons with what seems like a homemade exorcism guide, written by someone who barely passed their Sunday School class, only adds to the farcical nature of this film.
It’s hard to be scared when the demons are so poorly presented that you think they’re about to hand out free coupons for discounted therapy sessions.
Conclusion: An Amityville Trainwreck That Needs a Good Exorcism
Amityville Exorcism is a special kind of movie. Not “special” in the way that a fine wine is special, but “special” in the way that you regret ever picking it off the shelf. The horror is clumsy, the acting is lazy, and the plot could use a full exorcism itself—preferably one that removes all traces of bad dialogue, subpar effects, and unnecessary tropes.
The best part? This film somehow managed to spawn sequels, which I can only assume is a marketing strategy designed to prove that there’s no bottom to the barrel of horror film ideas.
So, if you’re in the mood for a slow-burning laugh, a facepalm-worthy exorcism, and a healthy dose of supernatural nonsense, Amityville Exorcism may just be the movie for you. But if you want an actually good horror movie, save yourself the trouble. After all, if a possessed girl, a bumbling priest, and a bunch of lackluster exorcisms can’t make you scream, maybe you need a real exorcism. Or a better movie night selection.
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
Watch it for: A good laugh at the absurdity of horror films that don’t know how to be scary.
Mood: “What if the Amityville Horror was actually a horror comedy?”
