When Parody Becomes Purgatory
There are bad sequels. There are unnecessary sequels. And then there’s A Haunted House 2, a film so committed to lowering the bar that it digs straight through the floor and keeps going until it finds the Earth’s molten core. Directed by Michael Tiddes and written by (and inflicted upon us by) Marlon Wayans, this 2014 “satirical” horror comedy is the cinematic equivalent of getting possessed by your least funny cousin’s TikTok account.
You know that saying, “lightning never strikes twice”? In this case, lightning didn’t just miss twice—it packed up, left Hollywood, and filed a restraining order.
The Plot (Or Whatever This Is Supposed to Be)
The “story” (a generous term) picks up where the first film left off: Malcolm (Marlon Wayans), who previously fought a possessed girlfriend named Kisha, now moves in with a new girlfriend, Megan (Jaime Pressly), and her two kids. Because Malcolm has apparently never heard of therapy, he decides the best way to move on from his trauma is to move into another clearly haunted house.
Within five minutes, he’s fighting a possessed doll, a demon named Aghoul, his own libido, and the urge to make yet another unfunny sex joke. Spoiler: he loses every battle.
The doll, by the way, is named Abigail, and yes—he has sex with it. Not metaphorically. Not symbolically. Literally. And repeatedly. It’s a scene so drawn out, so painfully over-the-top, that you start wishing the doll would sue for emotional distress.
And just when you think things can’t get worse, the film says, “Hold my bong.”
The Horror of Infinite Subplots
A Haunted House 2 doesn’t so much have a plot as it does a chaotic collection of scenes loosely connected by Marlon Wayans screaming. There’s the dead dog gag, the imaginary black friend gag, the meth-cooking psychic gag, the racist ghostbusters gag—it’s like someone threw a stack of rejected Scary Movie jokes into a blender and poured the resulting sludge onto a script.
At one point, Cedric the Entertainer shows up as Father Doug, a priest so perpetually confused that you can see him regretting every line in real time. Gabriel Iglesias plays a Mexican neighbor whose only purpose is to make the same “I’m not racist, but…” joke ad nauseam. Jaime Pressly looks trapped in a different movie entirely—possibly a hostage situation.
And then there’s poor Essence Atkins, returning as Kisha, the possessed ex-girlfriend. She pops up halfway through like she’s realized her agent lied about this being a “small cameo.”
The film tries to parody Paranormal Activity, The Conjuring, and The Possession all at once—but instead of satire, what we get is an unholy mashup of fart jokes, shrieking, and a man punching a stuffed animal while yelling “You ain’t gonna haunt ME!”
Marlon Wayans: A One-Man Laugh Track
Let’s talk about Marlon Wayans, because nobody else gets to talk in this movie.
Wayans is talented—when he’s reined in. In Requiem for a Dream, he showed he could act. In White Chicks, he showed he could commit to absurdity. But in A Haunted House 2, he’s off the leash and running wild through a field of bad ideas. He mugs, flails, and screams like a man possessed—not by demons, but by the ghost of a better script.
The film mistakes volume for humor. Wayans seems convinced that if he just yells his punchlines loud enough, they’ll become funny. They don’t. Instead, it feels like being trapped in a haunted house where every jump scare is just Marlon Wayans shouting “DAMN!”
Even when the jokes hit their mark, they’re recycled so often you start wondering if the real horror here is déjà vu.
Comedy So Dead It Needs an Exorcism
The Scary Movie franchise—at least in its prime—had timing, cultural relevance, and a kind of reckless charm. A Haunted House 2 has none of that. Its idea of parody is simply reenacting scenes from other horror films, then pausing to make a sex joke.
It’s like watching someone retell The Exorcist but with every line replaced by “yo mama.”
The tone vacillates between slapstick, shock humor, and outright desperation. The running gag of Malcolm’s sexual attraction to the possessed doll isn’t just unfunny—it’s unsettling in ways the film clearly didn’t intend. There’s also a chicken fight sequence that goes on for so long it feels like a psychological experiment in audience endurance.
By the time the chicken hits the ceiling fan, you’re not laughing—you’re just checking your watch and reconsidering your life choices.
The Supporting Cast: Victims of the Script
Jaime Pressly, a gifted comedic actress, somehow delivers a performance that suggests she read the script through clenched teeth. Her scenes with Wayans have the chemistry of two people trying not to make eye contact at a bad high school reunion.
Cedric the Entertainer’s Father Doug, a holdover from the first film, is now a walking non sequitur machine. Every line feels improvised—and not in a good way. Gabriel Iglesias, usually a bright spot in any project, is reduced to lazy ethnic punchlines. Even the child actors look exhausted, as though they’ve realized they’ll have to explain this credit to their therapists one day.
And then there’s Missi Pyle, playing one half of the “racist paranormal investigators.” She commits to the absurdity with admirable gusto, but even she can’t elevate dialogue that sounds like it was written during a sugar crash.
The Editing Room Must Have Been Haunted
The pacing of A Haunted House 2 defies logic. Scenes drag on like the undead, refusing to die no matter how much you beg. Jokes are repeated, often back-to-back, as if the film itself forgot you already heard them.
The editing is so erratic it feels like the movie was cut together by a poltergeist with ADHD. One minute we’re watching a parody of Sinister, the next we’re back to the possessed doll plot, then suddenly there’s a meth lab scene that could have been stolen from Breaking Bad fan fiction.
It’s cinematic whiplash—and not the fun kind.
The Real Curse: The Audience
In fairness, A Haunted House 2 did make over $25 million at the box office. Which means somewhere, somehow, people saw this voluntarily. Perhaps they were hoping for a horror parody with actual jokes, or maybe they just wandered into the wrong theater while looking for The Lego Movie.
Either way, they were betrayed.
The tragedy of A Haunted House 2 isn’t that it’s bad—it’s that it’s lazy. Horror-comedy can be brilliant when done right (Shaun of the Dead, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil), but here it’s reduced to a game of “how many times can Marlon Wayans hump something that isn’t alive?”
Answer: too many.
Final Thoughts: The Real Exorcism Is Escaping the Theater
By the end, Kisha returns, Megan dies, Malcolm hides in the basement, and you’re left wondering if anyone—characters or audience alike—will ever be free of this curse.
Watching A Haunted House 2 feels less like entertainment and more like punishment for enjoying horror movies. It’s a sequel nobody asked for, answering questions nobody had, and ending with a punchline that never lands.
Final Judgment
★☆☆☆☆ — One star for effort, and half a star for the chicken’s performance.
A Haunted House 2 isn’t scary, isn’t funny, and isn’t even interesting as a train wreck. It’s just loud, crude, and exhausting—a movie that mistakes chaos for comedy and noise for entertainment.
If you’re looking for a film about possession, skip this and rewatch The Exorcist. If you’re looking for laughs, try literally anything else. Because in this haunted house, the only thing truly dead… is the humor.
