Fasten Your Seatbelts — for Disappointment
Airborne begins with a mysterious voiceover by Mark Hamill, referencing something called “The Firelight Protocol,” which sounds important until you realize it never actually matters. That’s your first red flag. The second is that the entire film takes place on an airplane, but somehow still manages to go absolutely nowhere.
Directed by Dominic Burns, this British horror-thriller promises The Twilight Zone–style intrigue. What it delivers is a turbulent mess of cheap sets, worse dialogue, and enough plot holes to ground an entire airline. The scariest thing about Airborne isn’t the supernatural death god trapped in an ancient vase — it’s the screenplay.
The Plot: Plane Stupid
The setup is simple — too simple. A nearly empty flight takes off from London to New York despite an approaching storm, which is something only characters in a horror film or Ryanair passengers would do. Among the passengers are a mix of shady businessmen, generic tough guys, and at least one person who has clearly lost a bet to end up in this movie.
As the plane hits turbulence, people start disappearing, the pilots die, and it’s revealed that — plot twist — there are hijackers on board. That’s right, the “haunted death god in a vase” movie spends its first half pretending to be Die Hard in the Sky. The hijackers plan to steal both the aircraft and an ancient artifact that allegedly imprisons a malevolent spirit. Why they think there’s a thriving black market for “possessed pottery” is unclear.
Then, out of nowhere, the death god escapes, and everyone starts murdering each other mid-flight. It’s chaos. It’s confusing. It’s also weirdly dull. The possessed passengers flail about while the others yell exposition like, “We can’t land the plane — we’re over the Atlantic!” Thanks, Captain Geography.
The climax involves one heroic passenger deciding to crash the plane into the ocean to save humanity. The death god briefly possesses someone’s body, escapes again, and then — surprise — pops up back in England, having somehow hitched a ride in an air traffic controller’s eyeballs. Cue ominous music and audience sighs.
Mark Hamill: Jedi, Joker, Air Traffic Controller
Mark Hamill, bless his lightsaber-wielding heart, appears in the film as an air traffic controller named Malcolm Brook. His role consists mainly of yelling into headsets and looking mildly annoyed that this is what his post–Star Wars career has come to.
Hamill tries, but the material betrays him. He’s stuck delivering lines like, “We’ve lost the plane off radar!” with all the gravitas of a man reading from a microwave instruction manual. You can almost see him thinking, At least I’m not in The Holiday Special again.
It’s worth noting that the marketing made a big deal about this being Hamill’s “first British film.” Technically true, if you ignore Britannia Hospital from 1982. But after watching Airborne, you’ll wish he had stuck with America — and stayed grounded.
The Cast: Turbulence Ahead
Aside from Hamill, the cast is a who’s who of “people who probably know the director.” Gemma Atkinson, playing a passenger named Harriett, spends most of the film looking like she’s auditioning for a shampoo commercial while chaos erupts around her.
Billy Murray (no, not that Bill Murray) plays Cutter, one of the villains, and he seems to be channeling every Cockney mobster cliché ever committed to film. Alan Ford, best known for his terrifying role in Snatch, also shows up — though here, he looks less scary and more like he wandered onto the set thinking it was a pub.
Then there’s Dominic Burns himself, who casts himself as a character named Bob. Directors appearing in their own movies can sometimes be fun — see Tarantino or Hitchcock. But here, it feels more like a scheduling emergency: “We couldn’t afford another actor, so I’ll just do it.”
The Plane Set: Flying Coach on a Budget
Let’s talk production design. The “plane” in Airborne looks like it was built from spare parts of a bus, a laundromat, and maybe a child’s school project. The cockpit resembles a 1980s arcade machine, and the turbulence effects appear to be achieved by shaking the camera operator’s chair.
At one point, two passengers walk from the front of the plane to the back, and it feels like they’ve covered about six feet. The entire interior looks more like a pub booth with seatbelts than an aircraft. And when the CGI exterior shots finally appear — sweet merciful Yoda — they make Sharknado look like Interstellar.
The “storm” outside the plane looks like someone smeared Vaseline on the lens, and when the death god finally manifests, it’s as if the special effects team ran out of money halfway through rendering him. Maybe that’s why he possesses people — to save on budget.
A Script That Should Have Been Grounded
The dialogue in Airborne is a masterpiece of nonsense. Characters shout things like “He’s not who he says he is!” and “Something’s on this plane!” every five minutes, as if repeating clichés will somehow make them scary.
At one point, a character says, “It’s not turbulence — it’s evil!” and the entire audience collectively checked their watches. The plot tries to juggle hijackers, supernatural possession, and military intervention, but it’s like watching three bad movies fight for control of the same seat tray.
By the third act, the movie becomes so incomprehensible that even the characters seem confused about who’s alive, who’s dead, and who’s currently possessed by a malevolent pottery ghost.
The Death God: Spirit Airlines
The death god — supposedly the film’s big threat — is never actually scary. He’s more like a grumpy houseguest than an ancient deity of destruction. Most of his “possessions” are signified by blue contact lenses and mild crankiness.
The idea of a spirit trapped in a vase has potential — it worked for The Mummy and Ghostbusters — but here it’s executed with all the menace of a bad perfume commercial. “By Demonic Essence™ — available only at duty-free.”
By the time the spirit jumps into a random air traffic controller at the end, you’ll be rooting for him — not because he’s cool, but because he’s finally putting this movie out of its misery.
The Tone: Comedy of Terrors (Without the Comedy)
Director Dominic Burns described Airborne as a “tongue-in-cheek horror thriller.” If that’s true, then the tongue must’ve been surgically removed before filming. There’s not a shred of wit or self-awareness here — just awkward attempts at suspense that land with all the grace of a crash landing.
It wants to be The Twilight Zone, but it ends up as The Twilight Zone: EasyJet Edition. Every moment that could have been eerie is instead drowned out by hammy acting, erratic editing, and a soundtrack that sounds like someone banging on a synthesizer with a sandwich.
Final Descent: Emergency Landing Required
By the time Airborne mercifully crashes into the ocean, you’ll be grateful. Not because of tension, but because it means the movie is finally over. Even the death god seems relieved to be free.
It’s a film that tries to blend Snakes on a Plane, The Exorcist, and Lost, but ends up being less than the sum of its parts — and all of its parts are broken.
If you ever find yourself watching Airborne, remember: turbulence is temporary. Mediocre horror is forever.
Final Rating: ✈️💀☕ 1 out of 5 In-Flight Vomit Bags
Because if the apocalypse really does come from a possessed vase on a discount airline, at least it’ll be over faster than this movie.
