If you’ve ever thought, “What if Das Boot, but with ghosts and a script co-written by Darren Aronofsky on Ambien?”—congratulations, you’ve just described Below. Directed by David Twohy (the guy who gave us Pitch Black), this 2002 submarine supernatural horror flick manages to sink faster than the very U-boat it obsesses over. With a cast that includes Bruce Greenwood, Olivia Williams, Matthew Davis, and a baby-faced Zach Galifianakis in a role that makes you wonder if he lost a bet, Below tries to blend WWII suspense with haunted house chills. What we get instead is a half-baked stew of clichés, fog machines, and more bad accents than a middle school production of Master and Commander.
The Premise: Ghosts, Guilt, and Gurgling Sound Effects
Set in 1943, Below traps us aboard the USS Tiger Shark, a submarine where everyone sweats, yells “aye aye,” and dies mysteriously. After rescuing three survivors—including a British nurse (Olivia Williams, the only person in this movie who looks like she’s actually read the script)—the crew begins to experience spooky shenanigans. Doors slam, gauges twitch, shadows loom, and the ship starts steering itself like it’s possessed by the ghost of an angry GPS system.
Bruce Greenwood plays Lieutenant Brice, a man with the square jaw of a hero but the decision-making skills of a drunk raccoon. He insists nothing’s wrong, even as crew members drop dead at the same alarming rate as interns in a Michael Bay stunt department. Slowly, we learn the Tiger Shark’s “mission” may have involved sinking the wrong ship—oops, friendly fire!—and covering it up by murdering their commanding officer. So yeah, the big twist isn’t that the sub is haunted. It’s that the U.S. Navy is staffed by homicidal idiots.
The Atmosphere: Claustrophobia, But Make It Boring
A submarine is already the perfect horror setting: cramped, suffocating, dark. Twohy had the USS Silversides at his disposal—a real WWII submarine, dripping with authenticity. And yet, instead of nerve-shredding tension, Below feels like watching a bunch of cosplayers sweat under bad lighting while waiting for the catering table.
The cinematography tries to channel The Shining with ominous tracking shots through the corridors, but it mostly looks like someone forgot to turn off the emergency exit light. The sound design leans heavily on creaks, bangs, and whispers—basically every cliché from the “Free Haunted House Effects” CD your aunt bought at Party City in 1998.
And don’t get me started on the CGI. When the submarine “haunts” itself back to the site of the sinking, it’s less terrifying ghost story and more Windows 95 screensaver.
The Performances: Ghosted by the Script
Bruce Greenwood chews through his lines like a man trying to swallow sawdust, and you almost feel sorry for him. Olivia Williams, who deserved much better, delivers her dialogue with the weary dignity of someone calculating if the catering truck has wine. Matthew Davis (Legally Blonde) is our wide-eyed ensign, the audience surrogate who looks perpetually confused—though in fairness, who wouldn’t be?
Then there’s Zach Galifianakis as “Weird Wally.” Yes, that’s the character’s actual name. Pre-Hangover, Galifianakis hadn’t quite found his comic footing, so he spends the movie alternating between muttering paranoid nonsense and looking like he desperately needs a shower. Imagine casting him in a psychological horror thriller and then giving him dialogue that sounds like rejected X-Files fanfiction. That’s Below.
Horror? What Horror?
The scares are about as frightening as a damp sock. Characters hear whispers, see reflections, and occasionally get yanked into watery graves by an invisible hand. Instead of ratcheting up dread, these moments feel like someone spliced in deleted scenes from Scooby-Doo on a Submarine.
The “ghost” of Winters (the conveniently dead captain) makes appearances so bland you wonder if he even knew he was haunting anyone. At one point, a character opens an escape hatch underwater and promptly dies, which should be horrifying but plays out like slapstick: oops, out he goes—splat!
By the time the submarine is literally steering itself back to the scene of the crime, you’re not scared—you’re wondering if the Tiger Shark just needs an exorcist or a mechanic.
The Big Reveal: Bureaucracy Is the Real Monster
Turns out the crew didn’t just make a “mistake.” They sank a British hospital ship. Yes, the Tiger Shark crew are essentially war criminals in sailor caps. To cover it up, they tossed their commanding officer into the drink and called it a day. The haunting is less supernatural vengeance and more guilt-induced hallucination, which would be profound if it weren’t buried under clumsy dialogue like, “This boat is cursed!”
The finale sees Greenwood’s Brice finally confess, then immediately blow his own brains out in front of Olivia Williams, who reacts with the same expression one might have upon realizing they left the oven on. The sub sinks, the survivors are rescued, and the audience is left muttering, “That’s it?”
Box Office: A Ghost Story in Itself
Dimension Films barely released this thing, and for good reason. It made a whopping $605,562—less than what James Cameron spends on lunch. Twohy refused to cut the movie down to a PG-13, which is admirable in principle but pointless in practice, because no rating system could’ve saved this torpedoed mess.
Final Thoughts: Below Expectations
Below is proof that you can have an intriguing setting, a strong cast, and even Darren Aronofsky on the writing team, and still end up with a film deader than the German sailor who gets shot in Act One. It’s not scary, not thrilling, and not even so-bad-it’s-good. It’s just soggy, like a sandwich left too long in a lunchbox.
If you want submarine suspense, watch Das Boot. If you want supernatural tension, watch The Others. If you want to punish yourself with 105 minutes of mediocrity, then by all means, climb aboard Below. Just don’t forget your life jacket—because you’ll want to jump ship long before the credits roll.
