Welcome Aboard the S.S. Bad Idea
If you’ve ever thought, “You know what would make a great vacation? A drifting Nazi ship filled with coffins,” then Blood Vessel (2019) is the cinematic nightmare you didn’t know you needed.
Directed by Justin Dix, this Australian horror film takes the phrase “war is hell” and adds fangs, black ichor, and at least one feral Romanian child. It’s like Das Boot crashed into Dracula and everyone decided to keep filming anyway.
Blood Vessel is the perfect example of what happens when you mix classic monster movie energy with a World War II setting and a heavy dose of pulp absurdity. It’s gloriously grim, occasionally gory, and packed with enough dark humor to make even the undead crack a smile.
The Setup: Stranded, Starving, and Screwed
The film opens near the end of World War II, with a ragtag group of survivors floating aimlessly in the North Atlantic. Their hospital ship was torpedoed, their supplies are gone, and they’re one seagull away from cannibalism.
Our band of misery includes:
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Jane (Alyssa Sutherland), the British nurse with a backbone made of steel and sarcasm.
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Sinclair (Nathan Phillips), the rugged Australian soldier whose accent alone could kill fascists.
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Teplov (Christopher Kirby), the stoic Russian sniper with more emotional depth than the ocean he’s stuck on.
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Bigelow, an American cook whose moral compass spins faster than a blender.
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Faraday, a weaselly British codebreaker who looks like he’d sell out his mother for an extra biscuit.
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Jackson, the mechanic who knows his way around an engine but not around imminent doom.
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And Captain Malone, whose job is to die early so everyone knows this movie means business.
Just when hope’s running out, they spot a Nazi minesweeper drifting eerily through the fog — because apparently, fate decided the only thing worse than dying of hunger is climbing aboard a haunted German boat.
The Boat: Where Nazis and Nightmares Collide
From the moment they board, it’s clear this ship isn’t just abandoned — it’s cursed. The crew’s gone, the bridge is chained up, and the décor screams “haunted IKEA.”
The team splits up (because of course they do), and they soon discover the corpses of the Nazi sailors — burned, mangled, and suspiciously bite-marked. If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is.
Then, in true horror fashion, they find a little girl named Mya hiding in the galley. She’s Romanian, mute, and immediately bites someone, which in horror movie language means run. But instead, they adopt her like she’s a rescue kitten.
Spoiler: she’s not a kitten.
The Blood, The Gold, and The Idiots Who Touch Ancient Coffins
Bigelow, the designated greed machine, finds a stash of Nazi gold — because it’s not a proper WWII horror flick without stolen treasure and bad decisions. He also finds several sarcophagi chained shut.
Now, if you’re watching this movie and thinking, “Surely he won’t open those, right?” Congratulations, you’ve never seen a horror film before.
He cracks one open, expecting treasure but instead finding something with wings, claws, and an attitude problem. The creature — part Nosferatu, part bat, part Nazi fever dream — wakes up cranky and immediately redecorates the room in arterial spray.
It’s the kind of karmic death that feels educational.
Vampires, But Make Them Eastern European and Pissed
Turns out, the ship isn’t just a Nazi vessel — it’s a floating coffin delivery service. The vampires (or Strigoi, as the film’s lore explains) were ancient Transylvanian bloodsuckers the Nazis dug up while trying to weaponize folklore.
That’s right: even in the afterlife, Nazis are still doing stupid experiments that get everyone killed.
The Strigoi patriarch and his lovely undead wife have been napping peacefully in their coffins until Bigelow’s curiosity turns the lights on. Once awake, they immediately turn the ship into an all-you-can-eat buffet of warm-blooded idiots.
As for Mya, the creepy little girl? She’s their offspring — a pint-sized vampire with the bite strength of a crocodile and the emotional subtlety of a buzzsaw.
The Survivors Try Teamwork (and Fail Spectacularly)
After the first few deaths, the group finally realizes they’re not just dealing with Nazis, but Nazi vampires. Which is arguably the only thing worse than regular Nazis.
Jane, Teplov, and Sinclair try to piece together what’s happening using the ship’s documents, photos, and a very ominous tome that looks like it came from Satan’s Etsy shop.
Meanwhile, Faraday, the slimy codebreaker, tries to cut a deal with actual Nazis over the radio — because when you’re trapped on a cursed ship, why not add treason to your résumé? His betrayal is cut short when Mya gnaws on his throat like she’s stress-snacking.
The moral of this story: never trust the guy in glasses during a supernatural crisis.
Holy Water, Explosions, and the World’s Worst Babysitter
Teplov, being the only one with brains and a sense of irony, arms himself with crucifixes and holy water grenades (yes, really). He and Sinclair decide to blow up the ship — because if there’s one thing movies have taught us, it’s that fire solves everything.
Their plan would go smoothly if not for the minor inconvenience of being attacked by a centuries-old vampire patriarch who looks like Nosferatu’s gym coach.
There’s blood, there’s decapitation, there’s a flare gun to the face. It’s gory, ridiculous, and kind of awesome.
Teplov sacrifices himself to detonate the explosives, giving the film its noble war-movie moment before the entire Nazi ship erupts into holy fire. It’s the kind of ending where you half-expect Captain America to show up and salute.
The Twist: Evil Never Dies (Especially if She’s Pretty)
Just when you think it’s over, Jane and Sinclair are rescued by a British ship. They’re cold, traumatized, and probably reeking of vampire soup. Sinclair, ever the chivalrous soldier, cradles Jane — until she wakes up, opens her eyes, and reveals she’s been infected.
She smiles sweetly, bites his neck, and watches his body sink into the Atlantic like the world’s saddest protein shake. Then she wipes her mouth, fixes her hair, and waves at her rescuers like nothing happened.
Honestly? Iconic behavior.
The Style: Gothic War Horror with Teeth
Visually, Blood Vessel looks stunning. The set design is claustrophobic and ornate, dripping with rust, candlelight, and the kind of grime you can smell through the screen. Director Justin Dix leans hard into the gothic aesthetic — think The Thing meets Dracula’s war diary.
The cinematography by Sky Davies gives everything a damp, haunted glow. You can practically feel the mildew. And the score by Brian Cachia hums like a funeral march played through a submarine’s speakers.
It’s old-school monster horror done with modern polish — a loving homage to 1940s pulp cinema that still finds room for modern splatter.
The Humor: Nazis, But Make It Stupid
What elevates Blood Vessel above standard B-movie fare is its sense of dark humor. It knows it’s absurd — and it leans into it.
There’s something inherently hilarious about hardened soldiers yelling, “She’s a vampire!” in the middle of a Nazi ship, as if that’s the part that finally crossed the line.
Even the Strigoi, with their bat faces and operatic screeching, seem aware that this is all a bit much — like undead divas who missed their curtain call in Phantom of the Opera: Axis Powers Edition.
Final Verdict: A Bloody Good Time
Blood Vessel is a gory, stylish, unapologetically camp slice of World War II horror that delivers exactly what it promises — Nazis getting devoured by vampires.
It’s part monster movie, part survival thriller, and part moral tale about what happens when you open boxes labeled “DO NOT OPEN.” (Spoiler: nothing good.)
Alyssa Sutherland anchors the film with genuine gravitas, Christopher Kirby steals every scene with quiet badassery, and the practical effects deliver a welcome dose of old-school horror charm.
Sure, it’s not subtle — but who needs subtlety when you have Nazi vampires, exploding ships, and a finale that ends with a wink and a bite?
Rating: 4 out of 5 bloodsuckers.
Because Blood Vessel proves that sometimes, the best way to fight fascism is with fangs — and maybe a flamethrower for good measure.
