BrainWaves (1982)—or as it could have been more accurately titled: Computers Are People Too, But They’re Also Terrible at Plotting. This is the kind of film that makes you question whether science fiction is supposed to expand the mind—or just fry what’s left of it after two hours of limp dialogue and awkward hospital lighting.
Keir Dullea is back, presumably to remind us that even astronauts can look bewildered in a lab coat. Suzanna Love is the woman whose brain gets resurrected by a computer, which in practice means she goes from “mildly confused” to “actively terrifying in the most unconvincing way possible.” Tony Curtis shows up, because apparently the producers thought, “We need star power to distract from the fact that half the film looks like a poorly staged PSA about brain health.” Vera Miles is there too, looking classy while everyone else flails around in a haze of nonsensical science exposition.
The plot is basically: woman gets a brain upgrade, bad stuff happens, everyone looks increasingly concerned, roll credits. The “dangerous consequences” are a mix of ominous stares, people walking into hallways dramatically, and the occasional vague scream. There is zero suspense, but plenty of lingering shots of florescent hospital corridors—because nothing says “thriller” like a health care facility that looks like it was designed by IKEA and despair.
The cinematography alternates between the “I’m on a field trip” aesthetic and “someone left the lens cap on” vibe, and the computer effects… oh, the computer effects. If a 1980s Atari had tried to simulate neural restoration, it might have looked slightly more impressive. By the time the climax rolls around, you’re left wondering if the computer is evil or just socially awkward—and honestly, that ambiguity is the only thing keeping the film slightly interesting.
Box office? A stunning $3,111. That’s not failure, that’s proof the universe has a sense of justice. BrainWaves is a cautionary tale in celluloid form: brains might be miraculous, but film scripts are not—and sometimes, the machines should stay unplugged.
