Welcome to Hollywood, Where Your Soul Is the Application Fee If David Cronenberg and David Lynch had a baby, raised it on expired diet pills, and made it watch Mulholland Drivewhile whispering Satanic affirmations into its ear, that baby would grow up to direct Starry Eyes. Directed by Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer, this 2014 … Read More “STARRY EYES (2014): HOLLYWOOD DREAMS, DEMONIC SCREAMS, AND A STAR IS REBORN (IN MAGGOTS)” »
A Farewell to Brittany Murphy — and to Cohesive Storytelling There’s a kind of sadness in reviewing Something Wicked that goes beyond its ineptitude. It was the final film appearance of Brittany Murphy before her untimely death, and one can’t help but wish her swan song had been in, well, anything else. Because while the … Read More “SOMETHING WICKED (2014): NOTHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES — EXCEPT MAYBE BOREDOM” »
Welcome to the Fifteenth Circle of Hell If Dante had been Filipino, his Inferno would’ve had a special level reserved for Shake, Rattle & Roll XV—a cinematic purgatory where jump scares go to die, snakes wear sequins, and airplanes are haunted not by ghosts, but by bad writing. Yes, this is the fifteenth (you read … Read More “SHAKE, RATTLE & ROLL XV (2014): WHEN THE HORROR ISN’T THE MONSTERS—IT’S THE MOVIE ITSELF” »
The End Is Nigh — and So Is the Audience’s Patience There are bad apocalypse movies, and then there’s The Remaining — a film so tonally confused it feels like the cinematic equivalent of being trapped in a church lock-in with a youth pastor who just discovered Adobe After Effects. Directed by Casey La Scala … Read More “THE REMAINING (2014): RAPTURE PORN FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK “LEFT BEHIND” NEEDED MORE CGI TENTACLES” »
Bollywood’s Haunted House Gets a Makeover — and a Makeout If Ragini MMS (2011) was India’s scrappy attempt at making a desi Paranormal Activity, Ragini MMS 2 is its stylish, naughty cousin who walks in wearing sequins, carrying holy water in one hand and a vodka shot in the other. Directed by Bhushan Patel and … Read More “RAGINI MMS 2 (2014): SEX, SPIRITS, AND SUNNY LEONE SAVING INDIAN HORROR, ONE SCREAM AT A TIME” »
A Vampire Movie That Dares to Be Weird — and Wins There are vampire movies that seduce you (Interview with the Vampire), ones that sparkle at you (Twilight), and then there’s Queen of Blood — a film that doesn’t so much seduce as hypnotize, slowly pulling you into its crimson, dreamlike haze until you’re not … Read More “QUEEN OF BLOOD (2014): A SURREAL SYMPHONY OF BLOOD, BEAUTY, AND BATSH*T BRILLIANCE” »
When the Line Between Horror and Hangover Gets Disconnected “Private Number” is a movie that feels like it was made after someone watched The Shining, The Ring, and an old Verizon commercial, and said, “What if we put all of that in one film — but worse?” Written and directed by LazRael Lison, this 2014 … Read More “PRIVATE NUMBER (2014): THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE CLICHÉ” »
Faithless, Fearless, and Hopelessly Found-Footage The Possession of Michael King is a movie that begins with promise: an atheist filmmaker daring the forces of darkness to “prove him wrong.” What could go wrong, right? Everything. Absolutely everything. Directed by David Jung (in what feels like both his debut and his farewell), this 2014 found-footage horror … Read More “THE POSSESSION OF MICHAEL KING (2014): A DEMONIC POSSESSION FILM THAT’S MOSTLY POSSESSED BY BAD DECISIONS” »
The Horror Movie That Cleans Up After Itself There are haunted house movies, and then there’s Pisaasu — the only ghost story where the poltergeist might also qualify for “Best Housekeeper.” Written and directed by the ever-eccentric Mysskin, Pisaasu is that rare Tamil horror film that dares to be equal parts terrifying, tender, and downright … Read More “PISAASU (2014): A GHOST STORY WITH HEART, HAIR-RAISING EMOTION, AND ONE VERY TIDY POLTERGEIST” »
Welcome to Vilnius — Population: Idiots Every year, a horror movie comes along that feels less like a film and more like a dare. Parlor (also known as Anarchy Parlor or Killer Ink, depending on which regret pile you pulled it from) is that movie for 2014 — a bloody mess so confused about what … Read More “PARLOR (2014): WHERE TATTOO ART MEETS BAD DECISIONS AND WORSE DIALOGUE” »