Some horror films keep you awake at night. Christina’s House keeps you awake only because you’re wondering who thought this script was ready to shoot. Directed by Gavin Wilding and executive produced by the screenwriters of Poltergeist—a fact that should have been their walk-off home run—this Canadian indie horror-thriller instead lands like a bunt that doesn’t even reach the pitcher’s mound. It’s a movie that tries to be Scream, Poltergeist, and a Lifetime original all at once, but ends up playing like a public service announcement warning you about home repairs gone wrong.
The Setup: New House, Old Problems
Christina Tarling (Allison Lange) moves into a quaint small-town home with her father James and little brother Bobby. Mom’s in a psychiatric hospital, which is the film’s first red flag. Their house comes with a live-in handyman named Howie (Brad Rowe), a grown man who spends more time in the attic than Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. He’s “just fixing things,” which is horror-movie code for “definitely hiding bodies and maybe your diary.”
We’re told the house is creepy, but in reality it looks like a Bed & Breakfast where the scariest thing should be the wallpaper. Yet Christina starts noticing “bizarre occurrences.” Translation: shadows, noises, and people constantly sneaking into the attic like it’s the VIP lounge of Hell.
The Characters: Hormones, Handymen, and Headaches
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Christina (Allison Lange): A 17-year-old who spends the film alternating between sulking, making out with her boyfriend, and wandering around the house with the same confused expression you’d wear after realizing Blockbuster is still charging late fees.
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Eddy (Brendan Fehr): Christina’s boyfriend. His character arc is “gets jealous of Howie” and “dies via hammer-to-the-head.” Honestly, it’s the most useful thing he does.
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Howie (Brad Rowe): The handyman. His “protective” obsession with Christina is less handyman and more Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Imagine Norman Bates but with a Home Depot loyalty card.
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James (John Savage): Christina’s dad. His contribution to the movie is yelling at Christina, planning a surprise party nobody asked for, and nearly dying in a saw-blade trap that looks like it was built out of rejected Home Alone 2 props.
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Joanne (Chilton Crane): Christina’s mom, institutionalized but secretly running the world’s saddest Satanic pyramid scheme from her psych ward.
The Plot (If You Can Call It That)
Sheriff Sklar is hunting for a missing girl. Meanwhile, Christina’s classmate Michelle gets lured into the woods by a fake Eddy voice and ends up with a broken neck and a river-side dismemberment. The sheriff is suspicious, Christina is suspicious, and the audience is suspicious that their rental copy isn’t actually broken.
Christina’s birthday party features her dad finding a rat in a mousetrap gift box, which is less a scary omen and more what happens when Party City runs out of balloons. Soon after, Christina’s friend Karen vanishes into the attic like she just remembered she left her dignity up there.
Eventually, Christina learns Howie has been staging all the hauntings under orders from her mom. Apparently Joanne learned hypnosis in the psych ward and decided to use Howie as her personal handyman hitman. Yes, really. She didn’t just knit or do therapy—she became Professor X for losers.
By the climax, James nearly gets carved up by spinning saw blades, Eddy gets his head split like a melon at a Gallagher show, and Christina shoves Howie into his own trap. Crisis averted. Or is it? Because in the last shot, the lights in the attic turn back on. Because apparently evil is like a bad tenant: you can evict it, but it always moves back in.
The Horror: PG-13 Paint Fumes
The film tries to sell itself as a psychological horror-thriller, but it’s mostly long shots of people opening doors. Scares include:
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The attic light turning on.
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A boombox playing by itself.
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People sneaking notes like it’s Mean Girls.
When actual violence happens, it’s either off-screen (Michelle’s death) or so clumsily staged you half expect to see the boom mic operator flinch. Even the saw-blade trap looks like something MacGyver would whip up if he had only duct tape, spare parts, and a hangover.
The Performances: High School Theater Energy
Allison Lange spends the entire movie looking like she’s either about to cry or just smelled bad milk. Brendan Fehr brings all the charisma of a wet sock, which might explain why Christina keeps staring longingly at the handyman instead. John Savage shouts every line like he’s competing in the “World’s Loudest Dad” competition.
Brad Rowe as Howie is the only one who commits, but he commits to the wrong movie. He acts like he’s in a melodramatic Lifetime stalker flick, not a horror-thriller. His menace is undercut by the fact that he spends 90% of the movie tightening screws in the attic. If evil home maintenance is your kink, congratulations—you’ve found your masterpiece.
The Script: Horror by Committee
It’s no surprise the script comes from the writers of Poltergeist. What is surprising is that this is the same duo who once nailed suburban dread. Christina’s House reads like they fed a soap opera through a shredder and taped the pages back together. You can almost hear the producers saying, “What if Poltergeist, but with a handyman, less budget, and no actual ghosts?”
The Ending: Evil Never Leaves, But Viewers Do
The final twist—Joanne controlling Howie from the psych ward—lands like a wet sponge. It’s neither shocking nor scary, just deeply inconvenient. The film closes with attic lights flickering on, a metaphor for… what, exactly? Evil never dies? Mom is still micromanaging her handyman from the ward? Or maybe it just means the electrician quit halfway through production.
Dark Humor Highlights
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The attic is basically Airbnb for corpses.
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A dead rat as a birthday present—truly the Party City clearance aisle strikes again.
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Eddy trying to smash windows with his bare hands, which is the most effort he shows the entire film.
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James falling into a trap of circular saw blades, proving OSHA would never approve of this renovation.
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The Misfits? Nope, wrong Romero film—you don’t even get a consolation cameo here.
Final Verdict: Welcome to HGTV’s ‘Haunted Flip’
Christina’s House is not scary, not thrilling, and barely coherent. It’s a film where the biggest mystery isn’t who’s killing people—it’s why the filmmakers thought anyone would care. The scares are tame, the characters are unlikeable, and the climax feels stapled together out of rejected Goosebumps episodes.
George A. Romero gave us Bruiser the same year, and somehow that looks like Shakespeare compared to this drywall-and-sawdust snooze fest. If you want haunted-house horror, watch The Others. If you want teen slashers, watch Scream. If you want a movie where the handyman is secretly the villain under orders from a psychic mom in a mental hospital… actually, don’t.
