The Only Thing Deadlier Than the Fish is the Script
Jaws made sharks terrifying. Piranha made tiny fish terrifying. Killer Fish somehow makes both fish and heists boring. Directed by Antonio Margheriti, this soggy caper-horror hybrid tries to marry an emerald heist with a man-eating fish massacre. Unfortunately, what it really marries is two underwhelming movies into one long vacation slideshow where occasionally someone screams underwater.
The Criminal Mastermind Who Shops at Petco
Lee Majors stars as Robert Lasky, the kind of criminal “mastermind” whose big post-heist plan is to hide priceless emeralds at the bottom of a reservoir filled with imported killer piranha. Because why use a safe when you can create an all-you-can-eat buffet for aquatic psychopaths? It’s a setup that should promise tension, but instead delivers long stretches of people glaring suspiciously at each other on boats while the fish presumably take naps.
Karen Black Deserves Better (Again)
Karen Black plays Kate Neville, and like every Karen Black character in a questionable late-’70s genre film, she spends most of her screen time looking worried and wondering how she ended up here. Margaux Hemingway drifts in as Gabrielle, contributing little beyond slow-motion glamour shots that suggest the real killer fish might be in the cosmetics department.
Caper? Horror? Please Pick One
The heist plot could have been clever, but it’s handled like the filmmakers got distracted by the catering schedule. The horror element—our toothy friends in the water—is reduced to recycled shots of fish thrashing about while someone offscreen throws meat into the tank. You can almost hear the crew discussing lunch between takes. Suspense is replaced by characters standing around saying, “It’s too dangerous,” and then diving in anyway.
The Fish Eat the Scenery
The piranha attacks are a mix of murky underwater shots and overacted thrashing that would embarrass a high school drama class. Victims vanish under the water and resurface as… slightly bloodier versions of themselves. For a movie called Killer Fish, the fish spend an awful lot of time not killing anything. By the halfway point, you start rooting for them just to speed things up.
Brazil Looks Nice, Though
Shot in Angra dos Reis, Rio de Janeiro, the film at least gives you some travel-brochure-worthy scenery to distract from the lack of actual thrills. The turquoise water and sun-drenched vistas are lovely, but they just make the slow-motion carnage feel like an awkward detour in someone’s vacation reel.
Final Word: All Wet
Jewel of the Nile this ain’t. Killer Fish promises treasure, betrayal, and killer piranha, but delivers mild bickering, tepid romance, and fish that seem about as dangerous as a decorative koi pond. By the end, the only real victims are the audience’s hopes.
